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Counting Omer 5780, Day 19:

Hod ShebeTiferet

Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order, the intersection of Khesed and Gevurah.

Quality: The Eternal’s Glory and Honor in the World, the Universe.

Dear Divine and Totally Awesome One!

How wondrous are You that I garner Your attention!! I never assume I am worthy, for I know I am not. That knowledge never keeps me from singing Your praises, dancing to Your psalms and songs, teaching Your love, or expressing my gratitude for Your deep trust in me, and how Your kindness and concern manifest in more ways than I can count.

I keep being given books to read by loving and well-intentioned friends and teachers written by loving and well-intentioned people that describe great and fantastic journeys taken to far shores, high peaks, deep canyons, and other gorgeous spots fashioned by You on this wonderful planet. Each book discloses the author’s fantastic experience and humbling journey to discovering, uncovering, recognizing You.

I confess, I do not understand why they had to travel so far to find You! After all, did You not say:

הַמִּצְוָ֣ה הַזֹּ֔אוֹת אֲשֶׁ֛ר אָֽנֹכִ֥י קָר֥וֹב אֵלֶ֛יךָ הַדָּבָ֖ר מְאֹ֑ד בְּפִ֥יךָ וּבִלְבָֽבְךָ֖ לַֽעֲשׂתֽוֹ:

This Instruction that I (offer) you is simple, and very close to you: in your mouth and in your heart for you to do!

I confess, I do not understand those who chose to go far away to find You.

I confess, and as You know, there was a time when I was so angry with You! I argued with You about everything and yelled at You, frequently. When I wasn’t doing either of those, I ignored You.

Okay, I tried to ignore You. How can I ignore The One for Whom my soul longs to know and aches to hear?! You are my every breath. You are my beating heart. You are my peace

One dark morning I awoke unwilling to ignore my internal pain; to continue to unknowingly take it out on myself or others. I curled under my covers and sobbed, writhed with anger. I vividly remember shooting up, screaming “Where are YOU?!!” and in the ringing quiet I heard:

I am never far
You can always find
in your
next breath

So, I closed my eyes and transformed my shallow panting into regular breaths, my regular breathing into slow deep breaths in, pausing at the moment of fullness, and slow exhale, pausing at the point of emptiness; slow inhale pause slow exhale pause slow inhale pause slow exhale pause slow inhale pause – and there You were: inside me, around me, moving through me. I wept with relief. I do not begin to know how to describe I knew it was You in the memory of Grandma Sadie holding me against her slight frame. You even got a giggle out of me as I wondered why I didn’t inherit her skinny genes!

During that prayerful embrace, I feel asleep in peace and when I awoke in peace, I wrote:

You are my life, and always have been.

I seek to partner with

The Eternal One

To create heaven on earth

The Makom, The Holy Place, The Sanctuary where I seek to


Love. And


I embrace the Blue Marble

As it is until

We transform ourselves enough to

Transform others

who will transform others

who will transform others…

Holy Awesome, Blessed Be The One!

I commit to do my part with You!

How blessed am I that You, Dear One, never gave up on me!

How blessed am I that I know I never have to travel far to find You!

How blessed am I that You always know where to find me.

Thank You, Divine and Totally Awesome One Whose honor and glory fill the universe Justice, Compassion, and Peace!



© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

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