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Counting Omer 5780, Day 25

Netzakh ShebeNetzakh

Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory.

Quality: Uncovering the deepest urge to endure

What got you through it? How did you get through it?

In both questions, “it” refers to the breaking in our lives. There is no simple or satisfying answer, which often irritates the asker. Honestly, I know of no shortcut to recovery. There is only the path that each of us travels, and it is up to us discover it.

A several years ago, I experienced an event that shattered my sense of resilience. It took a while for me to realize I was not bouncing back from the thoughtless action directed my way. Yes, there was an apology, but it did not restore me.

Admitting I was still hurting and that I needed help, began the process of bringing relief. I did not make it through to recovery alone.

I called key people and told them what was up. My honesty caused some to flee and caused others to show up, including a therapist who knew about trauma.

My work with the therapist enhanced and changed some practices and rituals, releasing practices that no longer served me. My spiritual communities and my grad school cohort were absolutely core to the process of learning to live with the suffering I was experiencing. I learned to be with my pain, my disappointment, my fear… It was all in me and being with it, instead of trying to ignore or runaway or numb out actually seemed to make the journey bearable.

I know my willingness to embrace the feelings within the shattering caused me to uncover my deepest urge to survive and from that emerged a new model of resilience. Each grief has its own path to recovery. I may not know how I will recovery. Yet, now I trust I will recover because my deepest urge to endure uses spiritual and emotional memory muscles to guide me toward the wonderfully circuitous path of healing.



© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

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