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Counting Omer, Day 17

Updated: Apr 28, 2020

Tiferet ShebeTiferet Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order; intersecting Khesed and Gevurah within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order; intersecting Chesed and Gevurah.

Quality: The Healthy Sense of Self that leads to Selflessness

Elevated beauty, balance, integration, the unexpected, miracles, and order, by experience, is an awareness state grounded in Oneness. In this state, the experience of self is through the sense of connectedness with what is so: No judgment. No argument. No Anxiety. No rehearsing. No calculating. No interruptions. It is “yes” as an acknowledgement without commitment: Yes, I see you. Yes, I hear you. Yes, your voice is important. We say both to the many voices within us as well as to the many voices, or one voice, with us.

I am sure more than one of you is asking: if it is possible, how is that possible? The short answer is there is no one path to having a healthy sense of self that allows one to experience selflessness as Connection and Oneness. I offer a few entry points to begin, renew, or refresh your journey. Each requires noticing without judgment the ways in we: Disapprove of, deny and/or punish ourselves. Calculate how to get our way and feel defeated if we are unsuccessful. Approach every argument or disagreement as if our life hangs in the balance. Even if these ways of being show up periodically, in the interest of self-healing and Shalom HaBayit (peace in the home), I invite you to explore ways of having such feelings drag you with them.

When we denounce ourselves as an ongoing, uninterrupted practice we create an inner poverty that we may demand another (partner, children, parents, friends, work, projects) to fill.

Alternately, we demand work, attempt to rescue strangers in crises; endlessly seek education, religion, children, causes, become outraged about everything, ignore our health… because we falsely believe one of those paths will lead us to the healing we seek.

Yet, healing can only be achieved when we notice, tend, and repair. This type of selflessness is grounded in being in relationship to:

our longing, our deep desire to be loved and accepted, not be alone, and to be healed;

our deep ache that holds all the betrayals, disappointments, losses, and traumas.

Here is what I know: if we do not love and accept our full selves we cannot, and will not, trust another’s loving and acceptance. We will do everything we can to sabotage the relationship because we are driven to prove we are unlovable and unworthy.

When we accept and love ourselves exactly as we are in this moment, we release the grip of the drive toward being perfect and stand in knowing “No matter what, I am okay.” We own “I don’t know.”

In taking on the practice of confronting my internal critics, I discovered freedom from the tirade, self-love, and the space to become. I do not always get it “right” and I’m okay with that because I am joyously not perfect!! I own and fascinated by my mistakes. Sometimes there’s a lesson and sometimes there is not. I honor losses and in doing so, I realize that not obtaining my goal may be for the best. One door closing allows another, if not multiple doors and windows to open and sunshine to appear. Being with the mistakes and disappoints as a blessing instead of a curse returns me to Life.

Most importantly, I honor my grief. Its length. Its depth.

I hold my traumas as I hold a best friend. They have taught me a lot, and are a reminder of my resilience.

I would not be who I am without all the things that have occurred in my Life. Having fully embraced all that I am and all that I am, I rock and/or dance with what is so, surrounded and guided by elevated beauty, balance, integration, the unexpected, miracles, and order – all another name for Oneness.



© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

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