Remarks from Kabbalat Shabbat, 13 Sh’vat 5782 at Kol Shalom Rockville, MD In this week’s parashah B’Shallach, after celebrating the Eternal’s victory over the Egyptians, we resume our journey, traveling away from the Sea of Reeds into the Shur wilderness. We travel for three days and have not found water. The bliss and joy of escape have worn off. We are following, and we are in a place of unknowing, longing for the security of knowing. Among ourselves, we speak of feeling bad and not knowing why. There is water when we arrive at Marah, but it is as bitter as we feel! The complaining begins. The Eternal shows Moshe a tree. He pushes it into the water, causing it to become sweet. Yet, it doesn't sweeten our mood. What does cause a mood change is our first rule from the Eternal. We agree to follow the ways of the Eternal, though it's hard to conceive what that means. Yes, this is the Might that brought us out of Egypt. There is more and most of us only hear "l, the Eternal am your Healer," causing us to know what we need. (15.22-26) Eilim, our next stop, offers beauty and nourishment with its 12 springs of water, 70 palm trees, and great smells. We camp beside and around the waters. Soaking in the peace and beauty mutes our stress, mistrust, and fear. We leave Eilim, ready for the spaciousness of the wilderness and the unknown that also stretches before us. We, Jews of Color, Multicultural-Multiracial-Multi-Ethnic, Indigenous, Sephardic, Persian, and Mizrakhi Jews – each and all of us who do not fit the mold, the lie – many to most of you were carefully taught about who is and who is not Jewish, need you the members, leaders, staff, clergy, board, trustees, and investors – everyone invested in our spiritual homes – we need you to transform them, including Kol Shalom, so that every time we are here, we experience Eilim. We need our spiritual homes to be a place where we can go and be seen, loved, comforted, consoled, soothed, celebrated, and honored because living within this skin is sometimes just too much. Daily, we can experience the stress of spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and sometimes physical abuse for no other reason than we exist and are obviously different. As we begin to figure how to be with COVID as an endemic, we look forward to schmoozing with you at kiddish (I really miss kiddish), being invited into your homes for Shabbat dinners or lunches or potlucks, to sipping bourbon or tea or martinis on your porch or balcony, in your backyard or den. We would also welcome invitations to your simchas. We want you not to be surprised or suspicious when we show-up for shiva, are part of a meal train, or call to see how you are doing. We want you to accept invitations to our homes and to know how welcome your presence will be at our Shiva minyans and simchas. We want to have deep discussions with you and have you not react as if we are naïve or petulant children because we disagree with you or know things that you do not know. We need you to crack open and destroy every stereotype you hold about any and all of us who you perceive to be different from you, including those of us with disabilities, identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, non-binary, transgender, questioning, and so much more. Diversity is in our Jewish DNA. We have always – ALWAYS – been a multihued Indigenous people whose Way of Being was so strong, it could not be destroyed, and it cannot be destroyed unless we continue down the road of being less than who The Eternal has always called us to be – a light unto the nations, and in this country in this nation that includes being actively anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-heterosexist, and more. To be a light unto the nations, we must be a light to and for each other. That includes us surrounding each other when our lights are dim fueling that light to restoration, and that also means we call people into relationship when they say something we find offensive and/or harmed others. We intervene when we overhear another asking, “how are you Jewish?” My friend and former President of Adas Israel Rikki Gerger, when she heard that question always said, “Why are you asking that?” I know that choseness is controversial among some to many in the Jewish community. I define that choseness as the responsibility to be called, pushed, and prodded to always be the best we can be in any particular moment. I know we are not perfect. The Eternal knows we are not perfect. The call is not to be perfect. It’s a call to own the fullness of our humanity by: giving up perfection and wandering into the messiness of life with joy, ceasing trying to fix things and becoming curious to explore what it takes to mend and re-mend and amend and reamend again in the places in which we collectively are not perfect, and by cultivating the curiosity of our four-year-old self. To our four-year-old everything was and still is amazing, fascinating, magical, and more. We are not designed to relax into comfort. According to the Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, “the prophets sought to convey that morally speaking, there is no limit to the concern one must feel for the suffering of human beings, that indifference to evil is worse than evil itself, that in a free society, some are guilty, but all are responsible.” By releasing ourselves from the constraints of perfectionism, the fixing reflex, and reigniting/cultivating our curious four-year-old perspective, we move away from guilt and shame to grow into our responsibility to be increasingly amazingly human. If he were still alive, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would be 93 tomorrow. He and Rabbi Heschel had a close and too short friendship, in large part, I suspect, because they could see themselves in each other’s eyes. That is what I want from each of you: I long to look into your eyes and see that you see my humanity. Even if you are seeing/meeting me for the first time, I want you to see that I am not lost! I know exactly where I am, and I want to experience you as welcoming me home where I belong like a long lost relative you’ve always heard about, and are meeting for the first time. The truth is I, and all the others like me, we know you belong to us – bumps, warts, and all. What we want and need from you is for you to know we belong to you – bumps, warts, and all. In creating an Eilim, an oasis, for those of us who have been pushed to the margins, centering us among yourselves, we create a spaciousness, an Eilim for of all of us. Each of us. Every one of us. Standing in our common humanity and Jewishness, we are stronger than any one or any smaller part of us can be. Standing in our common humanity and Jewishness, we work the multiple paths toward the Messianic Age, a time of universal love and peace. Though it is a time we will not see, it is our destiny to add to the actions, thoughts, words, perspectives, and more that enhance the Emunah – the deep river of loving shalom and trust that carries all and each of us toward a well-tended planet with its people, animals, insects, waters, and lands cherished and respected. Standing in our common humanity and Jewishness we own and act through our responsibility to be the lights the Eternal calls us to be. Standing in our common humanity and Jewishness, we unabashedly shine our lights. Let us shine! Let us Shine! Let us Shine! Shabbat Shalom! © Copyright Sabrina Sojourner 2022

This week’s parashah is Matot-Masei (Tribes-Marches). Totally 244 verses and covering a wide range of events and topics, this double parashah is the longest read on Shabbat and the last parashah for B’mid’bar/Numbers. The significant events delineated include: Vows must be taken seriously. While all men’s vows are in their control, only a widowed or divorced woman has control of her vows. Tz’laf’khad daughters’ request their portion of their father’s land. Moshe takes their request to The Eternal and God approves, expanding Jewish inheritance laws to include daughters. War is waged against the Midianites and the Moabites, and our ancestors are victorious. The Boundaries of the Land of Israel are marked. Cities of Refuge for people who accidently kill another person are to be established upon entering the land. Lastly, We arrive at the steppes of Moav at the Jordan river ready to cross over to the Promised Land. Personally, I am grateful that B’mid’bar is ending. I have always found its escalating violence both fascinating and troublesome. However, this year it was just hard. In previous chapters, B’mid’bar details so many various instances of rebellion, internal and external levels of violence and the consequences that it doesn’t make sense to detail them in this moment. Their primary purpose seems to be to say something about the strength, power, primacy, and sanctity of The Eternal, and the multiple folies, sensibilities, kindness, and fears of humanity in general, and how we as Jews are to navigate the both/and of relating to ourselves, one another, other humans, and The Eternal. Until this year, in my compartmentalized mind, it was easy to discuss ancient societies, tribes, and cultures and the uses of violence to protect, defend, and take. The modern imperialistic view of violence is as an important tool to protect, defend, and control, until we’re done. Then we walk away, taking no responsibility for the mess we created. Closer to home, something broke in me, in many of my friends, colleagues, and strangers across the country, and around the world with the murder of George Floyd. Prior to his death, I uneasily acquiesced to the general blame the victim attitude that even the most loving of my friends and teachers had toward police killings of Black, Brown, and Indigenous people. Now, the level of violence a plurality of us potentially face daily is no longer secret, and untenable. There is no place in my body to tuck the fear and deal with it situationally alone or with other darked skinned people. The disparity in “police” thinking regarding who is suspicious allowed the insurrection on January 6 to occur unimpeded and impeded the thinking of key responders. Officials didn’t want to see the high potential for violence by people who looked like them. Yet, many of us of all colors saw it coming and we are not on the sites that facilitated the planning. What would happen if more of us emulated Tz’laf’khad’s daughters No. The ability to shirk away or stay silent is no longer available to me. And, I’m realizing it never was. I pretended to take a break from my brokenheartedness. Like my grief for Mom, it too, is a constant companion. Through my brokenheartedness, I see the Cities of Refuge as a theological attempt to interrupt a deeply rooted practice and cycle of violence that only led to more violence, leading to more violence… Violence induced trauma scares everyone: the targets, the perpetrators, the witnesses, and the circles of families, friends, caregivers, and communities for each and all. What would happen if more of us emulated Tz’laf’khad’s daughters, speaking up and out to question what we know in our hearts is unnecessarily unfair in the moment that we see it, or as soon as we are made aware of it. Yes, this is not a question. It is an assertion. We read, hear, or learn about something awful that happened. The spectrum of closeness we have to the incident, the more devastating and as we heal we seek to do something to prevent another rape, murder, harassment, beating, name-calling, hazing… the list is endless in the ways we can try to dehumanize another. However, victims are never debased or dehumanized. It is we, the perpetrators of racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, heterosexism, ablism, agism, imperialism – the list is endless of the ways through which we attempt to debase another, thereby debasing ourselves. The further away we are from the action, the more likely we are to claim we are helpless and unable to make a difference when we’ve never accepted the invitation into the question: Who do I need to be to make a difference? Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote “…morally speaking, there is no limit to the concern one must feel for the suffering of human beings, that indifference to evil is worse than evil itself, that in a free society, some are guilty, but all are responsible.” Tz’laf’khad daughters – Makh’lah, No’ah, Khog’lah, Mal’khah, and Tir’tzah; the Cities of Refuge, Rabbi Heschel, and the survivors of the Tulsa Massacre are calling us to move through our pretense of indifference to discover what we can do – however situationally – to interrupt the tendency toward violence in our country. And when we can, around the world. Shabbat Shalom .

Summary and Commentary: This week's parashah, T'tzaveh—(you) shall instruct—is the 8th parashah of Sh'mot and the 20th of the Torah. It's the second of four parshiyot that describe construction of items related to the Mish'kan. Most of this parashah focuses on the clothing of the High Priest. Other items discussed are the Altar of Incense, the oil for lighting, and installation of the priests, including the required animal sacrifices. What is most fascinating about this parashah is that Moshe’s name is not used. Commentators offer multiple possibilities for why that is. The most common theme is that The Eternal is responding to a request that Moshe himself makes for his name to be "erased from the record." While that is true, it means we’ve once again encountered a Torah wormhole, experiencing the effect of an event before it happens. It’s in the next parashah, Ki Tissa, that we read “And The Eternal spoke to Moshe…” (31.11) The Golden Calf incident occurs in Chapter 32, resulting in a spat between The Eternal and the Israelites, and Moshe and the Eternal. The Eternal responds "Only one who has sinned against Me will I erase from My record." (32.32-33) So, I jumped into the rabbit hole and found that the last time Moshe’s name is mentioned is at the beginning of T’rumah, verse 25.1. From 25.2-31.10 no use of Moshe.
In recognizing that the absence begins with the second line of T’rumah and ends with the first line of Ki Tissa, several more possibilities awoke in my sanctified imagination. What if Moshe was so taken by The Eternal’s vision of having us, the people, create the Mish’kan for The Eternal to dwell in our midst, and absorbing the tremendous number of details being delivered that he ceased needing to hear his name; that hearing his name was itself a distraction from his ability to be with the Infinite One? What if the reading is calling us to witness a unique and illusory way of being in relationship to יהוה!? What personal transformation is required to be in such a space for such an extended amount of time that you lose track of all time itself? The details for building the Mish’kan, the High Priest and his sons clothing, and the ceremony that will consecrate them to The Eternal are more than the verbal equivalent of an Ikea diagram for putting together furniture. There are moods desired to be created. Smells and aromas designed to entice and move. Visuals intended to convey splendor and inspire awe. The Mish’kan compound has no magical powers in and of itself. Everything that occurs within its curtained walls is Divinely decreed and in service to the One God. All that surrounds and enters the Mish’kan compound are the rituals and ceremonies that knit together a means of relating to Oneness and one another. The oil for the ner tamid is beaten instead of crushed and cleansed of all debris because that’s the oil that burns the brightest with the least amount of smoke enabling the people to linger. Aharon's eight layers of holy garments are to be especially beautiful; to exude splendor and glory. They are to remind him that he is in service to The Eternal on behalf of all the people, and that he cannot falter. His garments will be made of the same materials as the Mish'kan itself, including the dyed blue, purple, and crimson threads and yarns, the most expensive and coveted dyes in the ancient world because their production process caused them to cling to fabric better than plant-based dyes; fine linen woven together in their own distinct design. Gold will be spun into yarn and thread to create gold fabrics and ornamentation, reflecting the gold in the Mish’kan.
The Urim and Tumim are an instrument of decision that has been kept secret. Once the breastplate is made, they will be placed inside its pouch. Urim is said to represent the 42-letter name of the Eternal and Tumim the 72-letter name of Eternal. One also has yes and no, while the other has innocent and guilty. Legend has it that when the High Priest asks a question on behalf of the king, high court, or a person representing the community, Urim and Tumim combined to light up the breastplate, creating a pattern in the names and colors to offer a binary answer.
Aharon's headdress ( מִּצְנָפֶת /mitz'nafet is not a Turban) is to be made of fine linen woven with gold threads and a gold frontlet embossed with “ קֹדֶשׁ לַיהוָה ” Holy to The Eternal. The frontlet is to be connected to a blue cord and tied to the headdress so that the frontlet rests on Aharon's forehead, well above his eyes (This emulates our t’fillin above our eyes). The installation rituals for Aharon and his sons will be overseen by his brother Moshe over seven days. Seven is a common theme is these parshiyot, intentionally echoing the creation story mystically, spiritually, and physically to create an experience, then to recreate that experience time and time and time again. Yes, it could be that The Eternal’s lack of calling Moshe’s name is in response to a soon to be made plea. Yet, in my humble opinion, considering the context and length of time his name goes unspoken and when the calling ceases, it could be that The Eternal wants Moshe to taste the experience that God wants the Cohanim and us to experience as we co-create the Mish’kan, consecrate the Cohanim, and experience the visual and sensual presence of The Eternal in our midst. Once all these instructions are put into reality, we will finally have our extended wedding feast with our Beloved! And that’s why it’s complicated. [1] Modest expansion of remarks made on 12, Adar 5781 in support and advance of Adas Israel Congregation, Washington, DC, Sisterhood Shabbat, 16 Adar 5781. © Sabrina Sojourner 2021

Yit'ro is the fifth parashah of Sh'mot, the seventeenth of the Torah, and the shortest of all the parshiyot. It begins with the return of Moshe's wife, two sons, and his father-in-law, Yit'ro [1] , for whom the parashah is named. Word spreads through the camp that Yit'ro, the high priest of Mid'yan and Moshe's father-in-law, is coming with his daughter (Moshe's wife), Tziporah, and his grandchildren (Moshe and Tziporah's sons) Ger'shom and Eliezer. Moshe goes to meet them. Yit'ro and Moshe warmly greet each other and go into Moshe's tent. Moshe recounts to Yit'ro all that The Eternal did against the Egyptians for our sake, including the spectacular events at the Sea of Reeds. He also shares the struggles of the journey and the kindnesses demonstrated by The Eternal such as the quail and מנא (m'na, manna). Yit'ro, praises and blesses יהוה , makes a burnt offering, and sacrifices to The Eternal. Aharon and the Elders partake of the festive meal with Moshe and Yit'ro, in honor of his conversion. (18.1-12) We all have taken note of the length of time Moshe spends discerning and deciding on issues with us whenever we are stopped. At the end of his first full day in camp, Yit'ro encourages Moshe to choose: מִכָּל-הָעָם אַנְשֵׁי-חַיִל יִרְאֵי אֱלֹהִים, אַנְשֵׁי אֱמֶת--שֹׂנְאֵי בָצַע; (18.21) “from all the people of Israel, persons of valor with awe/fear of Elohim, persons of truth – haters of injustice [2] ” and set them as deciders of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens to judge the people at all time; to share Moshe's burden. Moshe would only decide the most difficult issues. The Eternal must have blessed this advice, for Moshe successfully implements it, making things easier on all of us. (18.13-27) We continue to follow The Eternal. On the third new moon since leaving Egypt, we finally set camp in the wilderness of Sinai; the wilderness of The Eternal's mountain. Sometime after we arrive, Moshe gathers the elders and shares The Eternal's proposed covenant. To a person, male and female, we all accept. Our acceptance pleases The Eternal and we are instructed to prepare to hear directly from יהוה. We are to stay pure, meaning no sexual contact with our spouses, and we are to wash our clothes which means we also get to bathe as part of readying ourselves for the occasion. We set boundaries around the mountain so that our children, elderly, and animals will not accidently touch the mountain and die. The third morning arrives with thunder and lightning, intensifying our excitement and worries. A dense cloud covers the mountain; the top no longer visible. A shofar blasts and we are startled as the sound moves through us. Still, when he signals, we follow Moshe out of the camp toward The Eternal, taking our places all around the foot of Sinai. The Mountain appears to be completely covered in smoke as the fire of The Eternal comes down upon it and does not burn us. The ground trembles and we do not fall. The shofar becomes louder and we feel them in our bodies. Our senses are mingling. We see the thunder. We hear the lightning. We cannot fully distinguish between our own feelings and the feelings of all. It's thrilling and terrifying. Moshe goes up the Mountain and after a bit of time returns to us. (19.1-25) The Eternal speaks all these things, all these words, and our encounters are as vast as we. The experience is overwhelming and calming. Our senses continue to betray us, even as continue to try and discern the experience: I am The Eternal your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of enslavement. You will have no other gods besides Me. You will not make any graven image (idol), nor any manner of likeness, of any thing that is in heaven above, the earth beneath, or in the water under the earth. You will not bow down to nor (worship) them. I, The Eternal, your God am a wholehearted God, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children through the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me; and making mercy to the thousandth generation of those who love Me, and keep My commandments. You will not take the name of The Eternal your God in vain; for The Eternal will not hold guiltless the person those who take God’s name in vain. Remember The Shabbat, and keep it holy. Six days you will labor and do all your work. The seventh day is a (rest day) for The Eternal your God. On it you will not do any manner of work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your man-servant, nor your maid-servant, nor your cattle, nor your ass. Nor your stranger that is within your gates. In six days The Eternal made heaven and earth, the sea and all within them. Then, The Eternal rested on the seventh day. The Eternal blessed and sanctified the seventh day. Honor your father and your mother, allowing your days to be lengthened upon the land which The Eternal your God gives you. You will not murder. You will not commit adultery. You will not steal. You will not bear false witness against your neighbor. You will not yearn for your neighbor's house. You will not yearn for your neighbor's wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is your neighbor's. Some of us seek to be closer and are held back by those who fear we will be destroyed. Many draw back, terrified. A large group demands that Moshe speak to us, and we will obey his instructions; fearing what might happen if The Eternal directly speaks to us again. Moshe assures us all that The Eternal only seeks to test us; to cause us to be in awe/fear of God so that we will not go astray whether we are the ones who crave this closeness, or we are the ones who fear this closeness. (20.1-23) Shining Light on Our Time Police officers handcuffed and pepper-sprayed a nine-year-old child. Police officers handcuffed and pepper-sprayed a nine-year-old child . Police officers handcuffed and pepper-sprayed a nine-year-old child . A male-officer asked her why she was acting like a child? And though she said, “I am a child!” that was not enough to wake any of them up to the fact that they had handcuffed and intended to pepper-spray a nine-year-old child because the child is a Black girl child . In Judaism, children are our specific (Parent/Guardian) and universal (the known and unknown universe[s]) future. Why would anyone treat a distressed child with anything less than compassion. Yes, that is not a question. It is an assertion that apparently is painfully necessary to assert in the year two thousand and twenty-one because police officers handcuffed and pepper-sprayed a nine-year-old Black-girl-child . Regardless of what human courts may do. Regardless of the rationalizations that have and will be made of such a heinous act, The Eternal sees and weeps with all of us weeping, and the fate of each of those officers is written and sealed. The Talmud tells us that there are certain acts which are so appalling to The Eternal that such actions are a desecration; taking The Name of All That Is Holy in vain. Regardless of the business of human courts, they do not have the final say. Only The Eternal. That gives me peace because I cannot depend on laws steeped in White Supremacy to deliver justice for a stressed out nine-year-old girl child who wanted to see her dad, and was handcuffed, then pepper-sprayed by a White female and several White male police officers who failed to see her humanity, and could not recognize her as a nine-year-old child . This Week's Lessons, Reflections, and Practices Elohim Spoke All These Words Sinai is a collective and individual experience. Even reading and discussing the Divine Utterances (also called the Ten Commandments, Ex. 20:1-13) can produce fascinating conversations because of our personal framing. This first version comes directly from the Divine speaking to all ready to hear, discern, and accept; which many of us, according to legend and text, are – and are not – ready. Practice 1: Examine your relationship to these statements today. How do they influence: Your thoughts and your relationship to your thoughts? Your behaviors and your relationship to your behaviors? Your assessments, opinions, and judgements of others; and your relationship to your assessment, opinions, and judgements? Remember: The point of the practice is to notice. There is nothing to fix. Practice 2: In Deuteronomy, Moshe revisits and revises this revelation for a generation that mostly did not have the direct experience of hearing the original. How would you, alone or with others, write a "new" or "revised" revelation? Feel free to share! Remembering Shabbat and Keeping It Holy I love Shabbat, even as it is often a day of work for me. I'm still surprised when I hear people complain about the obligation of Shabbat. I love the structure and the freedom it gives me to prioritize friends who are like family, making a nice meal just for me on a working Shabbat; being fed emotionally, spiritually and physically by the rhythms and encounters within the Shabbat container. Last week, in Practice 4, I encouraged you to notice your relationship to Shabbat from the moment you begin to prepare through how you close. If you are ready, below is a practice to add to this next week of noticing. Practice 3: Continue to notice about your relationship to your feelings, thoughts, and experiences of Shabbat. What, if anything, draws you to remembering Shabbat? What, if anything, draws you to own its holiness? What, if any, are the other feelings, thoughts, and experiences that occur? יהוה Fear, Awe, Dread and God I love translating because it is difficult to precisely translate the concepts of one language into another. I share this because I often experience a dissonance when reading the English translation of something in Torah I've just read in Hebrew. One of the English words that often stops me is fear as the dominant translation for ירא . Hebrew is a language that seeks to transmit concepts, including paradoxes, whereas English prefers preciseness. While the Hebrew of Torah when God is speaking conveys intimacy, the English often conveys aloofness. The Hebrew frequently appears to convey "this-and-that" paradox and/or complexity of meaning/idea, while the translator mostly conveys one idea. If we are only afraid, in fear of God, we lose the intimacy that the Hebrew infers that God seeks. If we are only in awe, we miss the boundaries that God has set. This is the tension I know through being in deep relationship with Divine Oneness, especially at the moment I notice I'm at the threshold of transformation. I can stop and run away from what is occurring, which I now know means the lesson will be harder next time I face it. Or, I can own the fear as my rite of passage to awe and who I become by moving through the situation. Reflection A: How would you describe your relationship to The Eternal? Think about moments of awe. Think about moments of fear. Think about moments of anger. Think about moments of delight. How do you hold these potentially competing experiences? Endnotes [1] In the Torah, Yitro/Jethro is first introduced to us as R’u’el/Reuel (2.18), then as Yeter/Jether (4.18). In rabbinic literature, he has three more names.
[2] My translation. The original commentary and summary with a reflective lens appeared on the website of the Institute for Jewish Spirituality 5780/2020. © Sabrina Sojourner 2021

B’shalakh is the fourth parashah of Sh’mot and the 16th of the Torah. It begins with Pharaoh banishing us from Egypt. Of course, The Eternal forced him to do so. It’s mistaken to think that he “let us go.” In any case, we have Yoseif’s coffin, his bones; something the Egyptians knew we would not leave without. They tried to hide the coffin by reburying it into the silt of the Nile. However, Serakh bat Asher never lost sight of her responsibility and knew where to find it. She took Moshe to the spot, and they called to The Eternal Who raised it from the Nile’s sticky mud.
As we gather to leave, an elder begins to recite the story of the death and lamenting of Yaakov preceding his funeral march to Canaan. So, we begin our walk to freedom, connecting ourselves to a distant past to create a funeral march and a freedom march. Though we do not know why “the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night” is taking us on this circular route to wherever it is we are going, we follow. Whatever is ahead of us has to be better than what we leave behind. (13.17–20)
Unbeknownst to us, The Eternal decides to confront Pharaoh one more time. Shortly after we arrive and begin to “encamp before Pi HaKhirot between Migdol and the sea,” word reaches us that Pharaoh and his chariots are behind us and moving fast. Terrified, we cry to The Eternal. Many complain to Moshe. “Have no fear,” he declares. “Stand by and witness the deliverance with which יהוה will work for you today…יהוה will battle for you.” (14.1–14)
Mal’akh HaElohim (an angel of God) moves to the rear between us and Pharaoh’s army, creating a darkness that shields us from the Egyptians and freezes them in place. With Moshe’s arms raised, The Eternal creates a strong east wind that, and overnight, divides the water into two high walls and dries a seabed path wide enough and long enough for all of us to make it to the other shore. (14.19–22)
Mir’yam, the prophet, (Moshe and) Aharon’s sister, picks up a tof
After the mal’akh HaElohim joins us on the distant shore, “all of Pharaoh’s horses, chariots, and riders” enter the sea, chasing us with all they have. We watch as the last of Pharaoh’s army lands the seabed. Suddenly, it appears as if something is happening with the chariots. The horses are struggling to move forward. Some are turning around. Moshe raises his arms. The sea waters fall on most of the Egyptians and those trying to escape appear to be hurled into the sea. Nothing of Pharaoh’s army remains. All that is left on the other shore is Pharaoh on his horse. (14.23–29)
We roar with thanks and praise as we realize the miracle performed on our behalf. We are laughing and hugging and crying. If we had not witnessed with our own eyes the wondrous power wielded against the Egyptians, we would not have believed. We would not be in awe/fear of our Mighty God. We would not trust Moshe and Aharon. (14.30–15.19)
Mir’yam, the prophet, (Moshe and) Aharon’s sister, picks up a tof (hand-drum), and all of us women follow her with our tupim. We dance and sing a song of praise to The Eternal, recounting God’s glorious triumph over the Egyptians and their gods! (15.20–21)
After the celebration, we resume our journey, traveling away from the Sea of Reeds into the Shur wilderness. We travel for three days and have yet to find water. The bliss and joy of escape wear off We are following, and we are in a place of unknowing, longing for the security of knowing. We are in a place of unknowing, longing for the security of knowing. Within our families, we speak of feeling bad and not knowing why. There is water when we arrive at Marah, but it is as bitter as we feel! The complaining begins. The Eternal shows Moshe a tree. He pushes it into the water, causing it to become sweet. Yet, it doesn’t sweeten our mood. We hunger for something and complain about being hungry for food.
What does cause a mood change is our first post escape rule from The Eternal. We agree to follow the ways of The Eternal, though it’s hard to conceive of what that means. Yes, this is the God, the Might, that brought us out of Egypt. Most of us only hear “l, The Eternal, am your Healer.” Hearing that causes us to know another portion of what we need. (15.22–16)
Eilim, our next stop, offers beauty and nourishment with its 12 springs of water, 70 palm trees, and great aromas. We camp beside and around the waters, soaking in the peace and beauty. It mutes our stress, mistrust, and fear. We leave Eilim, returning to the spaciousness of the wilderness.
We hunger for something and complain about being hungry for food. We have plenty of provisions and animals to slaughter. We long for something we did not know we would miss: routine and certainty. Some speak dramatically about our former life, embellishing it with goodness that did not exist. (15.27–16.3)
The Healer sends quail to the camp in the evening. In the morning, as the morning dew disperses, there is a fine, flaky substance covering the ground. We ask, הוא? מה (mah hu( What is it? Bread, we are told. We gather and cook enough מן הואand quail for two days as we prepare to observe Shabbat. The quail are delicious. The bread tastes like coriander seed, wafers, and honey. Or, whatever you are missing! Soon, we begin to call it, מה והוא (mah v’hu), literally whatandit; making it the original whatchamacallit. We rest, enjoying the company of family and neighbors for Shabbat. Among us, there is no recent memory of experiencing Shabbat. More healing. (16.426)
Our next encampment is R’fidim and there is no water. Moshe makes a point of passing through us and gathering some of our elders, and we follow until he stops at a rock. He strikes the rock and water issues out. We call the place Massah uM’rivah (Test and Quarrel) because we were tested by and quarreled with The Eternal. (17.1–7)
Amaleik fights us at R’fidim. Hoshua picks men to go with him to battle Amaleik. With Aharon and Khur supporting his arms, Moshe holds his rod high to aid our men in defeating Amaleik. After which, The Eternal promises to “utterly blot out the memory of Amaleik from under heaven!” (17.8–16)
We will hear a repetition of this curse in just a few weeks on Shabbat Zachor, Shabbat of Remembrance, for which there is a special maftir from the end of Ki Teitze that includes the second curse, D’varim 25.17–19. Amaleik is singled out for the special honor of us being charged to remember to forget him because he is the grandson of Eisav (Genesis 36.11–12), making him an eternal internal enemy. He and his people attack us from the rear and kill the weakest of our kin. Doing so demonstrates his lack of fear or awe for, and complete disregard of, The Eternal.
Shining Light on Our Time While the three i’s — insurrection, impeachment, and inauguration — are in the history books, the aftermath is still very present. Among the many fascinating reveals are the number of former members of the military involved in the insurrection as well the various militia movements. I’m not surprised. It’s been an open secret since 1948. Yes, I am saying that the military has had a problem with some percentage of discharged and retiring members, including former Marines, involved in unsavory anti-government activities since the military marched toward integration.
It would be so easy to fall into the rabbit hole of anger over how long it’s taken the United States government to see White Supremacists as serious threats to public safety instead of lone-wolves… However, that would be one more path away from all the shades of my grief: painful grief, howling sadness grief, raging grief… After cycling through those more than once, I usually reluctantly arrive at acceptance grief. Not this time. This time I am meeting a new grief: the grief of release and releasing. The way-to-heavy burden is a little lighter. People all kinds of people, including some with authority, who had previously been willing to ignore, explain away, or reinterpret what they were seeing, can no longer pretend “there’s nothing to worry about.”
Reading about the grumpiness of our ancestors in this week’s Torah portion with my own state of mind, caused me to pay more attention to Eilim, the oasis in the wilderness with 12 springs, and 70 palm trees. I fully imagined a place with such beauty, such splendor, and abundant pleasures, a welcome fragrance soothing my soul and the souls of those with me. How easy it would be to rest alone and with a partner, family, extended family… and allow the natural abundance to heal all that I know needs healing, and invite the healing of hurts I am yet to know need healing. In preparing to leave this muting, meditative space I suddenly understand the 12 springs as the promise of the 12 tribes on their way to become a nation and the 70 palm trees as the 70 faces of The Divine. I move out of this place of meditative restoration to embrace my comforting constant companion grief. AND, though the stress volume is so very low, I cannot hear my tinnitus. Could that, too, be healed?! Even if temporary, it’s a blessing.
I’ve always been fascinated by the number of commentators who criticize our ancestors for not trusting The Eternal. It can be difficult to trust anything as one moves through the aftermath of trauma. Our ancestors were just not prepared for the melting and stripping away of all the internal masks and defenses — the ones built up generationally and individually — the further and further away from the narrow life from which they were redeemed/freed. In the context of trauma, especially generational trauma, their behavior makes complete sense. They, like me, are in the midspace: They know what they left behind. Leaving room for the few exceptions, most of them do not want to go back and they have — literally and actually — have no idea what the future holds. How scary is that!? No more highly structured, exhausting life with little to no room to image different, and now, they are living different.
I, too, am now living different. I am not worrying about what’s next. Whatever it may be, when it arrives, I have the space to welcome it.
This Week’s Lessons, Reflections, and Practices
When Bitterness Catches Us Rabbi Shefa Gold discusses bitterness as the Spiritual Challenge for this parshah. Think about your last week-long retreat (and if you’ve never been on one, imagine what it might be like, and follow along with me). If you’re like me, somewhere within the span of day three, I am more in my body, which feels great! I feel great! Breathing is easier and movement is so wonderful. Still, discomforts and dissatisfactions arise. If I’m not careful, I will mistake them as real: breakfast still doesn’t have what I need; I’m not really connecting with the teacher; or that person is annoying me. My hips and lower back will not stop aching. Why did I think this was a good idea … The misery inducing statements are a masque. [1]
“Beshallach sends us to our own bitterness that we might be healed. In order for this healing to occur, we must acknowledge bitter murmurings and compassionately yet firmly set them aside, making room for (Moshe), our capacity for wisdom, to act.” R. Gold connects the tree that Moshe casts in the water to the Tree of Life, with its “roots in Heaven and its branches spread out into our lives.” [2] As beautiful as the metaphor is, I think it is more likely a tree that bares a bitter fruit, or its wood, when burned smells bad. In the ancient world, cures tended to be similar to the issue being addressed.
Practice 1: Bitterness comes in many forms: regrets, slow burns, disappointments, grudges, mean wishes… We can carry one or more daily, hiding it in the discomforts, dissatisfactions, and irritations we experience. In the coming week, when you find yourself irritated or dissatisfied, pause. Note the quality of the feeling and its location in your body. Do so for a full week before going to the next step. Week two: continue the practice of week one. Once you have located the irritation within your body, ask it what it has to say to you? Teach you?
Practice 2: You are part of the Tree of Life and it is part of you. If this concept is new to you, live into it and discover what, if any, meaning it has for you. If you know this, take note and assess how alive it is for you. Need a refresher? It’s readily available.
Private Realities While the Torah writes as if all the people complained, if we look at our own lives, we know there are private realities when it comes to shared events. People go through the same event and none of the participants will tell the same story because the experience is individual and the event is collective.
My first conscious experience of this phenomena occurred on July 17, 1981 when I was living in Kansas City, MO. The downtown Hyatt Regency held a Tea Dance with live music featuring amazing KC artists every Friday night. That night, having heard an unusual number of sirens, my partner and I turned on the TV to hear the local news announcer telling us that walkways had collapsed at the Hyatt Regency. We immediately thought about our neighbors, co-workers, and friends who might have been there. One hundred people were killed and over 200 people were injured. The number of people we knew who were injured or killed (directly affected) and their families (adjacent to the event) stunned us. Yet, it took us months for us to realize we, too, experienced trauma, transition, and change as a result of the shared experience.
Reflection A: With changes in media, there have been many events witnessed directly (on site or during a live broadcast) or adjacent (post event newscast or online video). As you read this, what comes to your mind/heart? There’s nothing to force; it’s either there or not. Sometimes, what arises is strong emotion. Other times sweetness. If something arises, let it have room wherever it lands in your body. Witness/experience it, allowing it to dissipate and leave at its pace. If something strong arises and you are not ready, change your body position and say aloud: Not now. Note: changing your body position can be as simple as opening or closing your eyes, bowing… or as complex getting up and going for a walk or a run.
מנא — M’na (manna), Miracles I am a night owl who loves mornings. I love sunrises and sunsets, any non-stagnant body of water; winds from the North that cool on a summer’s day and breezes from the South warm on a winter’s day. I love my children and my grandchildren; my family, including the ones that drive me crazy, and my friends who are closer than family.
I feel great wonder watching a hawk or an eagle or a buzzard riding wind currents; circling down, and winging back up. I am bemused when I miss a bus or a turn or meander as I walk, and end-up being of unexpected assistance to someone I do not know, or run into someone who’s been on my heart. I’m still awed by rainbows, cloud formations from the ground to the air sky, the power and scary magnificence of storms, and the secrets that deciduous forests reveal in winter and hide in summer. All of this and more is how m’na — Heaven’s abundance manifested — gives me what I need; and the miracles of Creation that never fail to awe. The thought, experience of any one of these brings me to Life’s fullness and fragility; the blessed paradox of being alive.
Practice 3: Take the opportunity to renew your relationship to Creation. Spend less time with gadgets and more time being and beings. Be on your drive or walk or bike… drink in the sky, trees, buildings, people, animals… If you are walking or driving with someone, notice them. I mean, really notice them. Drink them in, as if you are seeing them for the first time. What’s new or different? What feeling do you experience as you notice them? Are you outside? Is Life calling you to look? Notice? See? Experience? Release yourself from your already knowing gaze and deeply see.
Practice 4: For the next two Shabbats, notice your relationship to Shabbat from the moment you begin to prepare through how you close. What are the feelings, thoughts, experiences that arise as you create Shabbat? No judgement. Just notice, including noticing what arises. Endnotes [1] Rabbi Shefa Gold, Torah Journeys The Inner Path to the Promised Land. Teaneck: Ben Yehuda Press; 2006, p 75.
[2] Ibid.
© Sabrina Sojourner 2021

Bo, the third parshah of Sh'mot and the fifteenth of the Torah, presents the final three signs from the Eternal: locust, touchable darkness, and death of the firstborn. Several themes emerge in this reading: the magnificence and unquestionable power of the Eternal; our need to remember our experiences in Egypt (enslavement, being strangers, Divine wonders, and redemption); and our obligation to recall the stories with one another and our children. We leave Egypt, with all its constraints and misery and unprepared for the ways in which those miseries and constraints live within us. We leave with flocks, herds, and personal possessions; items borrowed from or asked of our Egyptian neighbors; and as a gam ereiv rav, a mixed multitude. Our exiting Egypt is the event from which this book takes its English title, Exodus (Latin: Exodos). The Eternal tells Moshe "Go (bo) to Pharaoh. For I have hardened his heart and the heart of his servants... to display my signs among them, and that you may recount in the hearing of your (children) and your (children's children) that I mocked the Egyptians... that you may know I am יהוה (The Eternal)." (10.1-2) The Eternal chooses to warn Pharaoh of the next devastating sign. The statement makes clear that all of the displays of the Eternal's magnificent power is as much for us – to experience, witness, and to be awed by so that we may recall and tell the story with each other and to future generations – as it is for the Egyptians. Moshe tells Pharaoh that locust will cover the land, devouring the remnant of any remaining greenery. Still Pharaoh resists. The news alarms Pharaoh's courtiers. They plead with him to consider their plight. Pharaoh recalls Moshe and Aharon, and attempts to negotiate with Moshe to only take the important men, and fails. Moshe retorts: "We will all go, regardless of social station... our sons and daughters, our flocks and herds." Pharaoh rejects that idea. (10.3-11) The Eternal drives an east wind [1] , gathering it and moving it until the locusts arrive in Egypt. The horrid mass hides the land from view, eating up everything that was not destroyed by the previous swarms, thunder, fire, and hail. Nothing green was left anywhere in Pharaoh's Egypt. Pharaoh summons Moshe and Aharon. He acts contrite, saying what needs to be said to have "this death removed" from him. Moshe leaves without speaking to Pharaoh, and pleads to יהוה Who causes the wind to shift and come strongly from the west [2] to hurl all the locusts into the Sea of Reeds. Again, Pharaoh reneges (10.12-20) Without warning the Eternal brings a "darkness that can be touched" to Egypt that lasts for three days. In Goshen, we are sheltered from the storm of darkness with light in our skies and in our dwellings as it envelops the rest of the land. Three days of darkness can do a lot of harm to animals and plants as well as humans. Pharaoh tells Moshe and Aharon that all the people can go, but the livestock must stay. Moshe makes clear that not a hoof will remain. The Eternal stiffens Pharaoh's heart. Pharaoh dismisses Moshe and Aharon with an ominous warning that they will die, should they again see Pharaoh. Of course, they will see each other again, and death will have occurred since this parting. (10.21-29) This sweeping proclamation introduces an unexpected tension for us. Preceding the 10th sign, the Eternal instructs Moshe to prepare us to leave. Among the things we are to do is borrow from/ask of (וישאלו/v'yish'alu) our neighbors' objects of silver and gold. The Eternal has already assured us that our Egyptian neighbors will be inclined to give to us (3.22). The conversations we have with our neighbors give us the opportunity to hear the high regard many Egyptians have for Moshe. (11.2-3) We slaughter lambs and use the blood to bless/protect our homes; making a distinction between the deaths that will occur among the Egyptians and the Israelite lives within our homes. We pack and have a feast. Moshe warns Pharaoh that the Eternal plans to go among the Egyptians, killing all the firstborns "from Pharaoh. . . to the slave girl." Egypt's firstborn animals will also die. Moshe also tells Pharaoh that our families and our animals will be safe precisely because God wants him and us to know that God makes a distinction between the Israelites and the Egyptians. (11.4-8) This sweeping proclamation introduces an unexpected tension for us. The 10th wonder is the first that will more than inconvenience Pharaoh; he will lose his firstborn children. Why, however, are those who also suffer at the hands of Pharaoh being punished alongside Pharaoh? What did they do? Many of the peoples were also tricked into servitude. Others were sold into servitude as was our Yoseif. They work alongside us in construction and in the fields. Others have married (converted) into our families. We have adopted children and raised them as our own. Our proximity and empathy may well be why we will welcome those who want to join us as we leave. As the Eternal predicted, Pharaoh arises in the night "because there is a loud cry in Egypt." He joins the cry as his firstborn is dead. He summons Moshe and Aharon and demands that we leave immediately. And so, we leave, with the others ready to leave alongside us. Their losses have proven to them the power and compassion of The Eternal. We welcome them, as we always have welcomed those willing to take on our ways. Our new adventure begins. We are elated, and we will soon discover that we are completely under prepared. Shining Light on Our Time Our Jewish ancestors were elated to finally leave the external trappings of slavery with its humiliations, pains, constraints, and other miseries that limited and controlled the shape of their collective and individual worlds. They did not, and could not have, known or anticipated all the different ways in which they individually and collectively internalized constraints, generational trauma, or the spiritual and physical pains they suffered were also embodied. As they leave, I can imagine that many believed they were leaving ALL the sufferings and pains of Egypt behind. We, who have felt our people and, by extension, ourselves under attack – and/or more pointedly under attack – may be able to identify with our ancestors. When Donald Trump was inaugurated four years, I was stunned by the tone of his speech. “American carnage” was such a startling phrase as well as his assertion that “only he” – a man who had never held any kind of public office or any other position in support of the public good – could solve all our problems. For over 400 years, it has been stressful to be a Black person in our country. Yet, it became more stressful during the previous administration. It was as if White and other light skinned people, had lost their minds and had to call the police because we were barbecuing in parks, moving items into or out of our own homes, waiting for business associates at coffee houses or restaurants, being with our children who appeared to be White, sleeping in our dorm lounge, walking across a college campus – the list is way too long. Yet, I must mention the most famous incident: birdwatching in Central Park. That’s a long way of saying the election results were a relief. The lies about the outcome, and the long list of actions seeking to overturn the results, were stunning; culminating with the attack on the Capitol. Tuesday, January 19, as the sun was setting, our new President and Vice President honored the more than 400,000 people who have died from COVID19. It was my first time seeing Wilton Gregory - family friend,now Archbishop - since he came to Washington, DC. Eyes watering, we soaked in the comfort from the songs and prayers, then the beauty of lanterns as they were lit, and weeping - the beginning of release. More release came on Wednesday, mixed with the ache of not being able to be there in person with friends and family. I loved how the day changed. It was probably still chilly after that short flurry of snow. Yet, the sun was shining bright and fluffy white clouds dotted the sky. It caused me to recall two lines from Psalm 85: Lovingkindness and truth have met; righteousness and peace kissed. Truth from the land will flow; justice from heaven is seen. (11-12) There is much more work that needs to be done, including the work of holistic healing. In the coming weeks we will see how our ancestors struggled to be in relationship with what it means to be free and what it means to be in relationship to The Eternal. In many ways they are as children learning to be on their own. In other ways, they are adults setting about having a new life with new rules and customs. The Eternal will repeatedly be a compassionate parent and healer, and an impatient husband demanding a level of perfection that is not possible for human beings! Just as children approaching adulthood and new brides are challenged by the sudden changes in their circumstances, so too are these wonderfully flawed and loving families in their transformation to become a nation. This Week’s Lessons, Reflections, and Practices 1. Preparing for Change, Transformation: A question that sometimes arises is why the Israelites were not ready to leave Egypt, "nor had they prepared any provisions for themselves." (12.39) Afterall, the Eternal has been telling them for some time that their redemption was coming; and the time was finally "now." The experience, however, was that Pharaoh continued to change his mind. Though we are told what will happen in Egypt after our feast, and though most of us marked our doors, for many it could have been difficult to hope, dream, or anticipate that the next act would finally break Pharaoh. Our own experiences say that there was a spectrum of responses to the possibility of freedom arriving shortly. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote about these phenomena in his “Letter From a Birmingham Jail.” They are: complacency as a result weariness and/or hopelessness, complacency as a result of security and economic benefit, impatience for change, bitterness and hatred may erupt into violence, and contemporary frustration. Preparing is not the same as being ready. We prepare for rituals and ceremonies. The preparation readies us and does not tell us how we will feel about participating in the ritual or ceremony. We discover how we feel as we move through the transformative act and come to know what has transformed as we move with our new self. We may not be prepared for what arises and we can be ready to welcome it. Reflection A: Not all transformations are accomplished through rituals and ceremonies. Consider a few of the ways you have transformed. Pick one or two and, without judgement, uncover the path/process/experience that led to who you are now. Some of our transformations are the result of pain. What is the gift you have uncovered? Have you found it yet? When you are ready to look, it's waiting for you. Even Pharaoh, in the wake of disaster, asked for a blessing. 2. "...every firstborn in the land of Egypt will die...": One of the cosmological notions that has always stuck with me is the idea that the Eternal, in taking us as God's people, is learning what it means to be Elohim, an all-things-God to all-of creation. I believe that's what makes the death of all the firstborns "from Pharaoh. . . to the slave girl" so heartbreaking and unbearable. The lack of distinction between the mighty and the oppressed gives me and others pause. Aviva Zornberg offers a teaching from Rashi to explain that more gods are involved than just Pharaoh and the Egyptian pantheon. There are the gods of the non-Israelite prisoners and enslaved. If they were to go unscathed by the plague, they could claim that their gods were also powerful. By including all non-Israelites in the plague, the Sovereignty of יהוה is unmatched. Reflection B: Think about a time when you decided on a plan of action that had unintended, unfavorable consequences to people for whom you care. How did you handle the fallout? What, if any, relationships were you able to repair? What, if any, relationships remain broken? If you are unhappy with the brokenness that remains, who would you have to be to be a mender? Reflection C: Maybe you were among the unintended consequences of another's decision. How have you moved forward? What places within you, if any, still need healing? How can you tend to yourself and your desire to heal? Reflection D: Maybe you were part of a push for systemic change within an entity, institution, or governmental body that had consequences you did not expect or feared. How do you relate to your role in the change? What, if any, regrets do you have? How can you aid your need for healing? 3. Tell Your Children: Much is made in the Torah about remembering. In this parashah, we are given great detail about telling this story to our children. Reflection E: What other important stories do you have to share with your children? Others that you teach/mentor/love? Family stories/legends? Personal stories/legends? What is the past that you believe could serve them as they move into their lives? Endnotes: [1] Ruakh haqadim רוח הקדים (10.13), generally the hot, dry, withering wind known as…sirocco. This is the same wind that withers the stalks in Pharaohs dream (Genesis 41.6). JPS Torah Commentary: Exodus; Commentary by Nahum M. Sarna.
[2] Ruakh-yam רוח-ים (10.19), sea-wind, ibid. © Sabrina Sojourner 2021

Beth El Montgomery County Sisterhood/Zhava Shabbat Resnik Memorial Lecturer, Shabbat Sh’mot Martin Luther King Weekend, January 16, 2021 Shabbat Shalom. I deeply appreciate the honor that has been bestowed on me by Sisterhood/Zahavah as your Resnik Memorial Lecturer. I send a special Shabbat Shalom to my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who are on Zoom. It’s been too long since I’ve seen each of you. We are a month shy of the last time I gave a public, in person talk. A woman who, in her own words was considerably older than me, pulled me aside and asked: Are you going to upset me? I laughed. She said: I don't know why you're laughing, I'm serious. I said: I'm laughing because I know you're serious and I also know that that's something God put on your heart. So, you probably should be prepared to be upset. She looked me in the eye. After a few moments she sighed, and said: I don't know who you are, but I guess I need to be like Bette Davis and be prepared for a bumpy ride. As she walked away, I was debating as to whether or not to correct her when she said: And don't bother correcting me I know what I'm saying. We both laughed. Chances are you’ve already noticed a voice making commentary as I speak. Over the last 10 months, many of us who were not previously acquainted, have become acquainted with a new aspect of ourselves: that voice in our head. If it hasn’t done so already, it’s quite possible that you will hear that voice talking back at me or speaking badly about me, puzzling about what I’m saying, or something tame. It’s all okay if that happens. My invitation to you is to allow that part of your mind to say whatever it is it wants to say while you continue to listen to my voice. Love. Light. Redemption. Torah. That is the order of our morning service. There is a prayer at the end of the Amidah that is one of the few personal prayers in our liturgy. אֱלֹהַי, נְצוֹר לְשׁוֹנִי מֵרָע, וּשְׂפָתַי מִדַּבֵּר מִרְמָה, וְלִמְקַלְלַי נַפְשִׁי תִדֹּם, וְנַפְשִׁי כֶּעָפָר לַכֹּל תִּהְיֶה. פְּתַח לִבִּי בְּתוֹרָתֶֽךָ My God, guard my speech from evil and my lips from deceptio n. Help me ignore those who would slander me. Let me be humble before all. Open my heart to your Torah. Most of us don't read it or read it so quickly we really don't take it in. Yet, I see it is our guide for how we are to be with each other and in the world with others. Here’s my paraphrase: · I bring my best self to all efforts, especially my generosity, lovingkindness, compassion, and sense of justice, regardless of the behavior of others. · I will be as honest with others as I am with myself. · I will note my assumptions, assessments, and opinions, yet not hold them as true. · I will listen to the feelings that arise in me as I listen to another, and allow compassion, above all, to guide my response. · I will remember I have nothing to prove and will allow the process to stretch me and those traveling with me. I use this paraphrase as guidance for many of my discussions, mediations, and my own brand of trainings. When I'm working with non-Jewish groups I don't reference the Amidah. I just give them the plain text. I'm sure several of you have noticed that these are personal statements as opposed to group statements, and that’s intentional. Over the years I've realized that group groundings only work if everybody in the group adheres to them. If one person breaks with the guidance then everybody feels like they have permission to break with the guidance. These personal statements make it clear that each of us is responsible for our behavior, including our response to another’s behavior we judge as bad. If I break that guidance, with the wisdom in the room to aid me, I have the opportunity to see my offense, differently and what is needed for repair. My God, guard my speech from evil and my lips from deceptio n. So here's the deal: there's really no way for me to tell you about Training The Heart To Listen in the 6 minutes that remain of my time. So, I’m inviting you into a couple of very truncated exercises to give you a taste of it. Exercise One: What is your vision of the perfect world that is blissfully awaiting the day the Mashiakh arrives? Allow whatever feelings or visions to arise. I’m going to snap my fingers you have seven seconds to bring that vision, those feelings to mind. (snap) (snap) Exercise Two: Who do you need to be in order to bring about a world blissfully awaiting the Mashiakh? Again seven seconds. (snap) (snap) I have no doubt that was frustrating, and since we are not in the room together, it’s a little hard to debrief. So, I’m going to share my responses. I dream a world in which every human being is able to live happy, healthy, and productive lives doing exactly what they feel called to do. There is no poverty, no hunger, no designed class of have nots. Plenty of water, food, education, income, friendships, family… We are free to worship in the open without fear. The list goes on… Who do I need to be to bring about such a world? I need to be in relationship to, and unafraid of, my feelings; own that I am a child of the Holy One, Blessed be the One, as I own that I am the child of my earthly parents. I need to be patient, especially when I don’t want to be, and strive to always be kind because I don’t know another’s battles. Most importantly, I never know in the moment, and rarely know later, when my kindness makes an important difference for someone. As Maya Angelou said, people may not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel. The question remains, who are you? Who do you need to be to aid us in creating the time of awaiting the arrival of the Mashiakh? What do you have to give up to be, or grow into being, that person, now? What do you have to learn to be, or grow into being, that person, now? Regardless of age, it’s not too late. Are you ready to grapple with being both a victim of White Supremacy with its displays of anti-Semitism and an accomplice of it as someone who considers themselves not racist, but may not actively Anti-racist? This past Thursday, Professor Susannah Heschel was one of the panelists for a discussion titled "Civil Rights to Anti-Racist." She shared that it disturbs her how many Jews like the picture of her father, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel and Dr. King. She doesn’t want you to like it. She wants you to be challenged by it. Rabbi Heschel said: Racist people forfeit the right to worship God. Dr. Heschel said she wants Jewish communities and synagogues to grapple with what it means to worship our God in a racist country. Light. Love. Redemption. Torah. The ideologies and beliefs that stormed our Capitol, and abetted the storming of the capitol, are after us who are not White Christian. As for the Jews who were there, I’m still grabbling with that. “Those of you who have studied Sh’mot may already understand that Pharaoh, the human God leader of Egypt, is a metaphor for oppressive systems, institutions, and ideologies such as White Supremacy and other caste systems. Each has its hierarchy of isms. Each entity within such systems yields situationally to get relief from the immediate pressure it faces. Then, it comes back harder and/or in a new arena because its primary purpose is to maintain the systems, institutions, and ideologies that support its existence. “Over the next few weeks as we move through Sh’mot, we will…be reminded, that the journey to true freedom is not easy; that we must do internal as well as collective work…it is precisely because freedom takes work that we must persist in the work it requires. Our choices are mostly not either/or. They are mostly both/and or yes/and. I believe the more we embrace paradox, we will see possibilities and imagine solutions which were previously unavailable to us. Or, were available but seemed too fantastical for serious consideration. The limit to the success of our ideas will always be our willingness to be stopped by our own or another’s ‘no.’” [1] Light. Love. Redemption. Torah. In Va-eira, The Eternal says: “I will take you to Me as my people, and to you I will be Elohim. You will know that I am The Eternal your God [2] .” Torah, and the rest of the Tanakh, is at minimum our spiritual history. In the name of Rabbi Me’or Einayim, I say w e are each other’s Torah. The Torah tells us that 600,000 Jewish souls left Egypt (Yes, there are problems with that number and stay with me.) He goes on to say that each of us Jews living today contains a portion of one of those original Jewish souls. And, just like the Torah scroll itself, if one of us is missing the community is not complete. What if we decided our communal relationships are more important than being “right?” That everybody has a right to feel welcomed and embraced by the community, and that the community is obligated to embrace and welcome everybody? Can people go too far in terms of what they say or how they behave? Absolutely! That’s why we have redemption. Love. Light. Redemption. Torah. Torah. Redemption. Light. Love. יהיו לרצון אמרי פי והגיון לבי לפניך, אדוני, צורי וגואלי. May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable to you, be acceptable unto you. Adonai, my Rock, my Rock and my Redeemer. Adonai, my Rock and my Redeemer. Shabbat Shalom! Endnotes:
[1] “Va-eira Summary and Commentary” sabrinasojourner.net
[2] My translation. © Sabrina Sojourner 2021

Va-eira (and I appeared) is Sh'mot's second parashah and the Torah’s fourteenth. The Eternal continues to cultivate an intimate relationship with Moshe and to grow him into the leader needed for God's plan to redeem us. The Eternal reintroduces the Godself to Moshe as El Shaddai with the previously known Hebrew signature: יהוה, and states that the name was not known to our ancestors. El Shaddai is used in Breisheet/Genesis (17.1-8 and 35.11-12). Within the context of Sh’mot, The Eternal interacts differently with Moshe and, eventually, us. The Eternal’s first appearance in Sh’mot is within fire (3.2-7). We will follow a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. The God of Breisheet walked among our ancestors, came to them in person, and through dreams. We will know this God through amazing feats that will be celebrated and honored for generations; as a God who is quite distant and very near. It seems that the knowledge unknown to our ancestors was the tremendous power of the Eternal. יהוה is the name The Eternal instructs Moshe to use with us to identify God as the one of our ancestors; to assure us that God knows our suffering, and will redeem us. The Eternal shares the essential nature of God, and restates "I will take you as My people, and I will be Elohim to you..." (6.7). The intimacy of the Hebrew is missed by the translation, accurate as it is. The Eternal is “taking” us as God’s people the way a man “takes a wife.” The Eternal presents a binding relationship. Moshe responds with fear and anxiety. The Eternal reiterates the mission and re-enlists Aharon's assistance. The text, on behalf of The Eternal, provides an expanded genealogy of the tribe of Leivi, naming Am'ram and Yokheved as the parents of Aharon, Mir’yam and Moshe. Yokheved is the first person named in the Torah whose name includes a shortened name for God. Yo is short for Yah, and Yokheved (יוכבד) means Yah is glorified or Yah’s Glory. The primary purpose of the genealogy appears to be establishing Aharon and Moshe as part of the Levite line and the ones chosen by The Eternal to bring us out of Egypt. We are also introduced to Aharon’s wife, Elisheva, and their sons: Nadav, Avihu, El’azar, and Itamar. We are told the El’azar is married to one of Putiel’s daughters (she is not named), and she bore Pin’khas. Putiel is an Egyptian name, which means that Pin’khas is of mixed heritage. The Eternal tells Moshe that God "will place you in the role of God to Pharaoh." (7.1) On the surface, it seems to be an extraordinary claim. It makes sense, though, for the Divine representative of The Eternal to have a status equal in stature to that of Pharaoh who believes he is a god. The Eternal also speaks of hardening/stiffening Pharaoh's heart, which is more complicated than it seems. The Eternal is not hardening Pharaoh’s heart on every refusal. This will be a contest of wills (The Eternal and Pharaoh) as well as theocracy (The Eternal and the Egyptian Pantheon) that leads to our liberation. Ten times Pharaoh will get caught in his own stubbornness and ten times The Eternal will intensify his stubbornness. [2] Moshe and Aharon follow The Eternal's instruction and go to Pharaoh. Aharon throws down his rod and it becomes a serpent. Pharaoh's magicians also cast their rods and they, too, become serpents. Then Aharon's serpent eats the magicians' serpent rods. Pharaoh's heart stiffens, just as said it would. (7.10-13) At the next visit, Aharon raises his staff and turns the waters of the Nile to blood. Pharaoh's magicians are also able to duplicate this act. So, Pharaoh ignores the bloody water, returning to the palace. (7.22) A week later, the brothers are instructed to return to Pharaoh and warn him, "If you refuse to let (my people) go, I will plague your whole country with frogs." This, too the sorcerers are able to duplicate. So, Pharaoh's heart stiffens. Sometime later, Pharaoh summons Moshe and Aharon, asking them to plead with יהוה to remove the frogs. “I will let you go to sacrifice to יהוה.” Moshe speaks eloquently to Pharaoh, inviting him to name the time for the frogs to end. “Tomorrow,” says Pharaoh. The next day the frogs die in place: the palace, the homes, the courtyards, the fields and the waters. When Pharaoh sees there is relief, he becomes stubborn. (8.4-11) Next, The Eternal instructs Moshe to tell Aharon to hold “his rod and strike the dust of the earth.” Aharon does so, and all the dust of the land turns into lice that attack humans and beasts. This phenomenon the magicians cannot reproduce. They tell Pharaoh, "This is the finger of Elohim!" Pharaoh's heart stiffens. (8.12-15) It is poignant to be reading of a leader who cares nothing for his people, including the members of his court. Swarms of insects are the next affliction. When the swarms hit, Pharaoh has people check to see what is happening in Goshen. Spies report no swarms. Pharaoh attempts a compromise, telling Moshe and Aharon that we can stay in the land (Mitzrayim) and sacrifice to The Eternal. Moshe declines. He argues there are cultural differences that may offend Egyptians (and it's not the true Divine goal!). Pharaoh appears to relent, and again, reneges, once he experiences relief. (8.17-28) The sixth wonder is soot. Moshe throws it into the air. It turns into a burning dust that causes inflammation on human skin. The magicians are so afflicted, they are unable to even try to match The Eternal's action. This time The Eternal stiffens Pharaoh's heart. (9.8-12) The Eternal decides to warn Pharaoh and his court of the seventh plague: thunder and hail and fire. Pharaoh pays no heed, but some of his court decide to protect their families, workers, and animals. The destruction is devastating upon what has already been devastated. Once again Pharaoh pleads for relief. Once again, upon experiencing relief, Pharaoh's heart stiffens. (9.12-35) Shining Light on Our Time I’m writing on Wednesday, January 13, 2021 and feel moved to speak of current events. Possibly like many of you, a week ago today I was in shock as I watched the Capitol buildings become overrun by a mob. It was even more stunning to realize that my eyes were not betraying me as I watched Capitol Police Officers remove barricades and/or open doors to allow marauders into the buildings. I worked on Capitol Hill for several years as a staff person and as a lobbyist. I couldn’t understand how the very people who are charged with protecting the Capitol were abetting traitors. How could the Capitol Police be so underprepared that they hadn’t anticipated the disruption and the need for some people to be on notice?!
I thought about the Members of Congress and their staff as well as the others experiencing their workplace threatened by people intent on mischief and unknown nefarious acts. I saw another group chase a Black Capitol Police Captain up several flights of stairs. What I did not know, and was later told, is that when he got to the top of the 5th set of stairs, there were three more CP officers – all White. The observer reported a hesitancy in all of them. Something was said and they turned around together to handle the mob. It is poignant to be reading of a leader who cares nothing for his people, including the members of his court. Pharaoh summons and dismisses Moshe and Aharon, according to his needs. He will say or do anything to get relief from the discomfort he experiences. Once he has relief, his word means nothing. Those of you who have studied Sh’mot may already understand that Pharaoh, the human God leader of Egypt, is a metaphor for oppressive systems, institutions, and ideologies such as White Supremacy and other caste systems. Each has its hierarchy of isms. Each entity within such systems yields situationally to get relief from the immediate pressure it faces. Then, it comes back harder and/or in a new arena because its primary purpose is to maintain the systems, institutions, and ideologies that support its existence. Many people, including President-Elect Biden – and perhaps you, are saying “This is not our country!” What a world that would be! If only that were true. The history of this destructive force is as old as our country. We are a country that tried and failed to enslave Indigenous people, then stole people from Africa to enslave them. Then later, we raided the treasuries of nation-states and tribal communities, and the national resources of the lands. Once the importation of slaves ended, the Senate created rules which allowed the slave holding states to defeat all attempts to end slavery. After our Civil War, those same rules allowed Southern States to beat back Civil Rights legislation, until 1964. (In between, Indigenous people were forced off their lands to control desired resources, Black Americans lost all rights gained after the Civil War, extrajudicial killings were so commonplace that lynching postcards were considered souvenirs, signage throughout the South and Southwest clarified who was welcome, and much, much more.) It wasn’t long before appealing to White grievance became a tiring-strategy of the Republican party, which doesn’t mean it wasn’t still a tiring-strategy of the Democratic party! To heal our country is to own our collective and individual complexity. My point for Mr. President-Elect and you, my dear reader, is that healing can only truly occur if we do the hard work of holding “yes, and…” instead of “either/or.” To heal our country is to own our collective and individual complexity. We need to commit to having a democracy that leaves no one behind: NOT ONE PERSON. As long as any collection of individuals or a group are on their own to remain targets of hate and discrimination, we will not be a free and safe society. As long as there is a plurality of people on whose labor we depend and want to pay the least, we will never know true economic security or realize the drag that assumed poverty has on our economy. Over the next few weeks as we move through Sh’mot/Exodus, we will see, and therefore be reminded, that the journey to true freedom is not easy; that we must do internal as well as collective work. Yet, it is precisely because freedom takes work that we must persist in the work it requires. I believe the more we embrace “yes, and…” we will see possibilities and imagine solutions which were previously unavailable to us. Or, were available but seemed too fantastical for serious consideration. The limit to the success of our ideas will always be our willingness to be stopped by our own or another’s “no.” Shabbat Shalom This Week's Lessons, Reflections, and Practices The Big Picture: For many years, I thought the genealogies were interesting and lacked depth because they rarely mentioned women and early translations only “begot” sons, instead of translating b'nai as sons and daughters as in more recent translations. In the last few years I've come to understand them as bridges and/or telescopes. The genealogy in Va-era serves both purposes. The text wants us to see the context that holds Moshe, Aharon, and Mir'yam. Though it says, "These are the heads of their fathers' houses," it focuses on R'uvein, Shim’on, and Leivi, the three eldest sons of Yisrael. The three appear to stand for some of what is needed for personal and national transformation. R'uvein was demoted by Yisrael on the latter's deathbed due to Yaakov’s judgment of his past behavior, and R'uvein also showed courageous vulnerability to save Bin'yamin. (Breisheet 44.18-34) Rising to the occasion, despite or because of one's imperfections, is required throughout our lives to move forward with integrity. Shim’on and Leivi’s violent anger is cursed by Yaakov (they killed all the men of Shekhem), but he does not curse them. (Breisheet 49.5-7) Anger is an important emotion, and it cannot lead; something that Moshe will have to learn much, much later. Making a distinction between a person and troublesome behavior is important in nurturing transformation. No human being is dispensable. Practice 1: Think about those who have parented you. What are the traits and values that you admire? Find problematic? How, if at all, does either occur in you or others in your family? What, if anything, within yourself would you like to transform? Anger: (Shared with permission) As a friend's mom was dying, family dynamics created an opportunity for her and her son to discuss anger and its history in her and her son's family of origin and each of their current families. Among the discoveries was the independent and parallel steps they each had taken to gain peace within themselves, to relate differently to their anger, so that they could relate differently to themselves and the world. "The biggest discovery for me was that we both started with being kinder to ourselves. It was a fascinating and healing conversation for both of us." Practice 2: If you are interested in examining your relationship to anger, contemplate your feelings about anger, including how you experience it within you, and how you receive and perceive it in another; others. What, if any, are the ways you are unkind to yourself? What would it mean if you were kinder to yourself? How does anger serve you? How does anger take from you? If you are someone who avoids anger, how is that working for you? Consider how anger occurred/occurs within your family of origin, adoption, fostering, or choice. What can you glean from the reflection about your relationship to anger? Note: This practice is a journey, not a destination. It's best not to do it all at once. If you are comfortable, invite someone you trust to journey with you. Claiming One's Voice; Agency: I know it's scary to claim one's voice. In claiming my voice, I claim my agency. In claiming my agency, I make myself visible to others, some of whom may see my visibility as an intrusion or threat. Claiming his voice is the first lesson Moshe must learn to be the person , the leader The Eternal sees and needs him to be. Moshe's protestations about his speech indicate that he fumbles with words. That can come across as stuttering. It is also an indication that someone doesn't trust what they have to say, or that they don't trust that what they have to say will be heard. Confident that The Eternal has Pharaoh's attention due to the frogs, Moshe—without instruction—allows Pharaoh to set the time for the frogs' departure. The Eternal honors Moshe's deal. (8.5-7) After swarms of insects overrun the palace, Pharaoh calls Moshe and Aharon to say they can sacrifice to The Eternal within the land. Again, without instruction, Moshe rejects Pharaohs proposal and warns Pharaoh not to act deceitfully with his counter proposal. (8.21-25) Moshe has claimed his voice and improved his ability to communicate. Practice 3: What is your relationship to your agency? Do you own it and take it for granted? If that has always been so, what allows, permits you to be able to do so? If owning your agency is something you had to learn, have you found a place of ease with it? Are you still approaching agency as a struggle? If you were able to guide someone to agency, how would you approach it? If you are guiding one or more people to agency, what are you learning about yourself? Practice 4: If you are someone struggling to claim or reclaim your voice, what is one of the stories (Haggadot) you have created regarding your lack of agency? In reviewing your Haggadah, what are the internal constrictions or narrow places (Mitzrayim) to which your story points? What are the resources you have, or need, to aid you in transforming your Haggadah or Haggadot? Tell all Pharaohs [3] : As stated above, Pharaoh is a metaphor for oppressive systems, institutions, and ideologies such as White Supremacy and its resulting hierarchy of isms. Each entity yields situationally to get relief from the immediate pressure. Then, it comes back harder and/or in a new arena because its primary purpose is to maintain the systems, institutions, and ideologies that support its existence. Practice 5: Think about the systems in which you operate. When it comes to others' pleading for relief and others' hardening to protect systems and status quo, who are you? How do you use your voice; your agency? If you are among those pleading, what is your experience with another's hardening? How do you maintain your humanity? How are you managing the situation(s)? Practice 6: How and/or what are you being called to contribute? Who do you have to be to contribute that gift? What story would you have to give up? What learnings would you have to take on? From whom or where would you learn? [1] The original version of this commentary appeared on the Institute for Jewish Spirituality ’s website in 5780/2020.
[2] Women’s Torah Commentary, page 337.
[3] Louis Armstrong’s version of “Let My People Go.” © Sabrina Sojourner 2021

Sh'mot (names) is the Hebrew name for the book of Exodus and its first parashah, the 13th parashah of the Torah. The first paragraph names Yisrael/Ya'akov and his sons who came down to Egypt; Yoseif, who preceded them; and their deaths; thus, creating a preface for Sh'mot and connecting its unfolding to the conclusion of Breisheet. While it then shifts to an explosion of life, this also references the end of Vay’chi, which mentions that we thrive in Goshen [1] . We are fertile, prolific. We multiply and greatly increase our numbers. Though we are still a small minority, we are perceived as filling the land. Generations after our ancestors' arrival in Egypt and Yoseif’s death, a "new king" arises to power who seems to choose not to know of Yoseif’s connection to Egyptian history. The king/Pharaoh is not named. The text reports that he feels threatened by our numbers, telling his advisors that our people might join with an enemy army and turn against the Egyptians. His solution is to force us into mandatory unpaid labor for large public work projects, such as building cities for troops (garrison cities) and to care for crops and farm animals. Men mostly work construction, while women and men work the endless fields and herded animals. Though the hard work is deeply taxing, it does not slow our birth rate. So, the king decrees that our boy babies are to be killed at birth, but girls may live. This plan is thwarted by the two midwives he instructed, Shif'rah and Puah. They use Pharaoh's biases against us to hide what they are doing. They report to him that we, Hebrew women, are more vigorous than Egyptian women, giving birth before the midwife arrives and returning with the baby to the field. Perhaps because their names are Semitic, some rabbis promote the theory that the women are Yokheved and Mir'yam in disguise. That theory is not supported by the text. They are non-Hebrew women who, with fear and awe of our God, tend to Hebrew women. Their willingness literally and figuratively to midwife our nation into being is rewarded by The Eternal (l.21). Legend has it that not a single child born under their care was lame, blind, or blemished in any way. They were privileged to become the ancestors of priests, Levites, kings, and princes [2] . Despite Pharaoh's decrees, a Levite man and woman, Amram and Yokheved [1] , have a third child, a boy. They keep his birth secret for three months. After that, Yokheved carefully constructs a teivah, a small ark, for him, and places it among some reeds near a bank of the Nile. His sister, Mir'yam [3] , stays within eye shot to see what will happen. Pharaoh's daughter, named Bat'yah (daughter of Yah) by the rabbis [4] , comes with her attendants to bathe in the Nile close to where the baby is hidden. She hears the crying infant, opens the basket, and knows it is a Hebrew child. Her knowledge does not undermine her kindness. Mir'yam appears and asks Bat'yah if she would like a Hebrew wet-nurse for the baby. Bat'yah agrees. Mir'yam fetches Yokheved who is hired by Bat'yah to be a wet-nurse and raise Bat'yah's child. Though the text does not yet name her, it is significant that Yokheved receives wages for nursing her/Bat'yah's child. It signals that Bat'yah values the service she is to provide as a wet-nurse and protector of her child. The child is returned after his third birthday, and Bat'yah names him Moshe. Though the text provides a Hebrew basis for the name, it is Egyptian and means gave birth [5] , perhaps pointing to the role Moshe will play in our transformation from a collection of families to a nation. (2.5-10) Older, Moshe ventures away from the palace to see how his people are doing. He kills an Egyptian for beating a Hebrew and hides the body in the sand. The next day he finds two Hebrews fighting each other. When he questions them about their behavior, he discovers that the murder is known and flees Egypt. He comes to rest at a well in Mid'yan. As with Breisheet, wells and water will be symbols throughout the Book of Sh’mot/Exodus. Seven women arrive at the well with their father's flock and are harassed by the other shepherds. Moshe defends them and helps them water their sheep. When they arrive home earlier than usual, they tell their father, R'ueil—the high priest of Mid'yan—about Moshe's actions. He instructs them to find Moshe and bring him back to their home to break bread. Moshe accepts R'ueil's hospitality and accepts Tziporah, one of his daughters, as his wife. Many years later in Egypt, the Pharaoh dies. Yet, our hard work continues. We sigh, possibly in grief, possibly because we know that his death will not change our fate. That causes us to sink deeper into despair. Then moaning begins. First, here and there a few voices. It doesn't take long for all of us to be crushed by reality, and we moan; collectively aching for something different, something we used to know. Unbeknown to us, that aching collective moan reaches The Eternal, causing God to remember God's covenant with Avraham, Yitz'khak, and Ya'akov. The Eternal plans our rescue. Who, though, can be the right person for the Divine mission? While Torah makes it seem that it was ordained, how did The Eternal know that Moshe was truly ready? Midrash Sh'mot Rabbah 2.2 tells us that there was a moment when Moshe was tending Yitro/R’ueil’s herd, and a young lamb bolted. Moshe followed the lamb until he found it at a body of water, drinking. Moshe allowed the lamb to drink its fill, then carried it back to the rest of the herd. The compassion and care Moshe showed for the lamb, and his ability to remain aware of his surroundings to get back to the rest of the flock, are what allowed The Eternal to be confident of God's choice. On another occasion, Moshe is tending his father-in-law's flock at Khoreiv, “the mountain of God,” when an angel of יהוה appears to Moshe in a blazing fire out of a bush. Moshe gazes at the bush engulfed in flames and not burning. He draws closer to marvel at this wonder. Only then, does The Eternal call to Moshe from out of the bush. The Eternal instructs Moshe not to come closer, and to take his sandals off because he is standing on "holy ground." The Eternal proceeds to introduce the Godself as the God of our patriarchs. The Eternal tells Moshe that God knows that God's people are suffering in Egypt and is ready to rescue them; bringing them out of Egypt to a spacious land flowing with milk and honey. Immediately, The Eternal employs Moshe as God's representative to Pharaoh. (3. I -10) Moshe's first objection is that he's not up to the task (“Who am I . . . ?”). The Eternal assures Moshe that God will be with him as he goes to Pharaoh and the people with a sign that God is with him. “And when you have freed the people from Egypt, you shall worship God at this Mountain.” Moshe's second objection is that his kinfolk will not believe him. He asks for the Eternal's name. אהיה אשר אהיה" (Eh'yeh-Asher-Eh'yeh)" is the answer, though this name appears nowhere else in Torah. Rooted in the Hebrew verb "to be (היה)", for me this Name shouts: Existence! I Am That/Who/Which Is (Unfolding). Upon his third objection, The Eternal gives Moshe personal experience with God's power: Moshe's rod becomes a snake. His hand becomes diseased and is healed. Water turns to blood. These events will repeat in the next few chapters. Moshe fourth objection is that he is tongue-tied. The Eternal, again, counters by commissioning Aharon to join Moshe in confronting Pharaoh. Only then does Moshe accept his fate. Clearly this is where The Eternal sees something in Moshe that he does not see in himself. What experience do you have on either end of this scenario? With Yitro's blessing, Moshe gathers his family and returns to Egypt. While on their way, one night it seems that The Eternal seeks to "kill him." The ambiguity as to who is at risk is examined at length in the classical commentaries, although ultimately there are only three answers as to whom him may be. Tziporah circumcises her son, assumed to be Ger'shom, halting the attack. (4.24-26) Moshe and Aharon meet on The Eternal's mountain. Moshe shares with Aharon everything that was said and happened with God. Only then do they go before the "elders of the B'nei Yisrael." Aharon repeats Moshe's story, and performs signs for the people. Convinced that The Eternal has finally taken note of our plight, we bow in relief and with gratitude. (4.27-31) Moshe and Aharon next visit Pharaoh, presenting The Eternal's demands for our release. Pharaoh, who has no knowledge of יהוה, denies the request and makes our construction work harder, forcing us to hunt for straw yet still make the same number of bricks. This upsets us and our overseers, who seek and fail to change Pharaoh's mind. Disheartened, we blame Moshe and Aharon for our increased labor. Moshe is also disheartened, and seeks The Eternal to plead for our relief. In doing so, Moshe also expresses his despair for the mission he's been given. The Eternal seeks to comfort Moshe, assuring him that the effort has just begun; the effort will yield the promised results. This also foreshadows the next three parshiyot. This Week's Lessons, Reflections, and Practices The importance of a person's name: We often take for granted that women are not named in the Torah, to the point it is notable when non-main-character females are named. After listing the males of the first generations, Shif'rah and Puah are the first to be named. (The king does not need to be named because he is king/pharaoh). As midwives who fear/awe our God, they protect the boy babies and facilitate a future for our people. Pharaoh's daughter is not named. Yet, without her willingness to openly ignore her father's decree, Moshe may have stayed in the river, or worse. Are there people in your life whom you take for granted? Do you know their names? How often do you address them by name? How often do you thank them? Are you one of the nameless or named that others, including family or other intimates, take for granted? Reflection and Practice for those who need to notice: This week, notice who does what for you and/or how their doing facilitates your purpose(s). What is the narrow place (Mitzrayim) or story (Haggadah) you have constructed for yourself that makes it okay to take without acknowledgement? While our immediate thoughts go to family and possibly friends, there are also all kinds of service people, co-workers, neighbors, and strangers who facilitate our needs and/or works. Notice, and when you are ready, thank. Reflection and Practice for those who ought to be noticed: If you are someone who does a lot for others, yet rarely gets acknowledgment or appreciation from people that matter, how do you feel about that? What, if anything, are you getting (or hope to get) out of allowing yourself to be taken for granted? What is the narrow place (Mitzrayim) or story (Haggadah) you have constructed for yourself that makes it okay? How do you feel about where you are? What, if anything, do you want to do to change your story and your circumstances? What agency do you seek for yourself? Additional Reflection: When it comes to whom and what you notice, has your gaze changed over the last year? If so, how and what difference is it making in your life? Holding Paradox: The image of the bush ablaze and not consumed has always fascinated me, despite the cheap rendering in the movie. It is, by definition, a paradox. The desire and ability to hold the paradoxical (both and) instead of holding the binary/directional (either or) thinking can be quite challenging for many people. In The Woman Warrior, Maxine Hong Kingston wrote "I learned to make my mind large, as the universe is large, so that I can hold paradox." I have discovered that my willingness to hold paradox especially paradoxes that make me uncomfortable — is a gateway to peace and, sometimes, healing. My willingness to say yes to both and leads me to accept life exactly as it's presenting itself in this moment, allowing the stress and tension inside me to cease. Reflection and Practice: What are the paradoxes that keep vexing you? You may want to start with a simple one such as a habit or trait of someone you dearly love that has not changed — no matter what has previously been said or done. Assuming the habit or trait is NOT something destructive to the person, you, or others (if it is, and you have not done so, get professional help), how can you change in relationship to it? Start by examining the meaning you give the habit or trait, the origins of that meaning, and whether or not you really believe that meaning. Go deep, as if you were unrooting a weed without tools. Once you’ve uncovered the root pull it out and unexamined what you have. How can you reframe or change the meaning so that you can live with the feeling that you don't like feeling when that habit or trait shows up, with a goal of dissipating and/or transforming the feeling you feel? When you are ready, try a bigger/more difficult paradox. In the shadow of being seen: It is amazing that The Eternal does not take "no" for an answer from Moshe. The midrash makes it clear that The Eternal saw something in Moshe that he did not see in himself. He is being asked to take on a major leadership role with absolutely no experience of any kind, including very little life experience. How absolutely terrifying! Reflection: A. Think about a time when someone recognized something in you that you did not see, or were not ready to see in yourself. Relive the conversation. Feel, as best you can, what you felt then and name the feelings that you may have not been able to name then. What thoughts are moving through you? How do you feel about what you decided? How does that decision or that situation show up, now? What, if anything, needs to be acknowledged, owned, or healed? B. The next question is especially for those who may have been or feel they were exploited in such a situation: If the offer made was one you wanted and it came with unsavory strings, how did you handle the situation? How do you now feel about how you handled it? Have you resolved all that happened in a way that allows you to feel good about yourself? If there's something left to resolve, how do you want to tend to it? In any reflection , if you find yourself with regrets, come back to the present and see yourself now with the blessings you have. Own those blessings and the lesson(s) you learned. See the influence on who you are now and are still becoming. If there is still regret, forgive yourself and be very kind to yourself as you learn to live into the forgiveness. Breaking open despair: Life is amazing, and suffering is an inescapable part of being alive. One of Frankel's teachings is “that any time we allow a narrow part of the self, rather than the whole of our being, to become our sole focus, we enter a state of mitzrayim [6] ." She shares a teaching from Midrash Tanchuma that describes the gradual relinquishment of power and freedom by the Hebrews that was a slow seduction into servitude. Initially, they had volunteered to work alongside Pharaoh and others on his several civic projects. After doing the work on a volunteer basis, all were tricked into continued servitude. One of the ways that redemption, transformation, or change become possible is through tears. We accept the miserable circumstances in which we find ourselves. We accept our broken heartedness. We accept loss. With acceptance the dam breaks and we sink into despair, embracing and fighting our misery. The collective acceptance of the miserable state of our lives under Pharaoh (oppression and enslavement) and recognizing that his death would not change our circumstances leads to the powerful collective moan that reaches The Eternal. Having broken open our individual and collective despair, the Israelites/we create the possibility of redemption/transformation. I recently had a friend confess he feared that grief was becoming a constant companion. I shared with him that I know that grief is a constant companion. He asked, "How can you live that way?" I answered, "I know my heart, my being, to be a guest house [7] for all I experience. So, I feel what I feel and encourage myself to have meals with dear friends, especially on unexpectedly warm days by the water, and to partake of other simple joys." Reflection: What is your relationship to your grief and/or sadness? What are the simple joys that keep you allow to keep you company alongside your grief and/or sadness? [1] Zornberg, Avivah Gottlieb; The Particulars of Rapture: Reflections on Exodus. Image/Doubleday, New York et. al. 1999.
[2] Frankel, Ellen; The Five books of Miriam: A Woman's Commentary on Torah, HarperSanFrancisco 1998.
[3] Identified, Sh'mot 6.20.
[4] Leviticus Rabbah 1.30.
[5] Eskenazi, Rabbi Dr, Tamara Cohn and Weiss, Ph.D., Rabbi Andrea L.; The Torah: A Women's Torah Commentary, pg. 312.
[6] Frankel, Estelle; Sacred Therapy: Jewish Spiritual Teachings on Emotional Healing and Inner Wholeness. Shambhala, Boston & London 2003.
[7] Concept inspired by the Rumi poem "Guest House" This work is based on commentary created for the Institute for Jewish Spirituality in 5780.

In the Summer of 2019, I was approached by the Institute for Jewish Spirituality to be one of five women commentators on the Torah for 5780. I was thrilled to learn that I was specifically asked to comment on Sh’mot/Exodus.
The stories and themes of Sh'mot are some of the best-known stories in English literature and continue to inspire oppressed and distressed people around the world. Yet, most people approach the text focusing on what has already been said with an emphasis on grandeur of spectacle for us as a people — which is important, and not the full story.
A few years ago, I began to break down some of the metaphors and explore what it means to view the supernatural occurrences as signs and wonders, instead of the more common plague narrative, thereby deeply claiming "What does this all mean to me?" As I moved into this journey, I was reminded of Estelle Frankel's book, Sacred Therapy: Jewish Spiritual Teachings on Emotional Healing and Inner Wholeness (Shambhala 2003). Along the way, I will be sharing her insights and those of other teachers/healers, as well as my own thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Sh’mot has a lot to say about what it means to experience oppression; what it means to claim our humanity in the face of oppression; what is required to ready oneself and one’s people for freedom; what it means to be free; and that freedom is not as simple or easy as it may seem. Of course the opposite of this is what it looks like to struggle with responsibility and the seduction of routine.
The metaphors and allegories are rich with life lessons, including the psychological and spiritual journeys with trauma, loss, change, transformation, celebration, and liberation. I invite you to join me in mining these well-known stories to uncover hidden gems of personal meaning, which may aid us in transforming our individual stories within the varied collection of Jewish lives and experiences.
I deeply appreciate the opportunity and support I received from the Institute for Jewish Spirituality to deepen my connection to this text and to explore the lessons I knew and did not know are here, waiting to be shared in our real lives. I especially want to thank Rabbi Jonathan Slater who gave me the space to hold the fresh grief of my Mom’s death and deep desire to explore a text I deeply love. The metaphors and allegories are rich with life lessons...
The Bridge from Breisheet
Our first creation story is different from many other creation stories in that it starts with the creation of the whole universe, then this particular place we’ve come to call Earth. We move with The Eternal from chaos to continuous separation and distinction. Once we humans are created, we are given responsibility to oversee and preserve The Eternal’s creation (Breisheet/Genesis 1.28). The family stories are a new distinction, filled with all kinds of very human emotions that lead to the selling of Yoseif into Egypt... The Eternal becomes deeply disappointed with humans as our worse tendencies emerge. The Eternal decides to destroy humans, and enlists the assistance of Noakh (Noah). At his birth, his father Lemekh as he names him, prophesies: This one will provide us relief from our work and the toil of our hands (Breisheet/Genesis 5.29). Mishna Tanchuma says Noakh invented plows, scythes, and all kinds of tools that were helpful to humanity. In various midrashim, he is reported as being kind despite the ridicule he faced as a child and as a man, which is why The Eternal thought him to be righteous. After the Flood, when the Teivah/Ark reaches land, Noakh exits and is stunned by the devastation. As The Eternal is deciding not to destroy humanity again, Rebbe Nachman of Breslav says that Noakh in his shock speaks: Master of Compassion, what have you done? To which The Eternal responds: Foolish shepherd, where was your compassion when I told you my plans?
There are ten generations from the exile of the Garden of Eden to Noakh and ten generations from Noakh to Avram. I imagine that the stories shared to this point in the Breisheet are among those passed down through the ten generations that lead to Avram, who will become Avraham. This story, though not among what we have read points to the internal legacy that reaches Avram.
The story of Avraham and Sarah, Hagar, Yish’mael, and Yitz’khak leads to the Yaakov and Yoseif stories. The family stories are a new distinction, filled with all kinds of very human emotions that lead to the selling of Yoseif into Egypt, where he develops his own relationship to The Eternal and uses his God guided wisdom to save his family and bring a region through a devastating drought and famine.
Sh’mot begins roughly 400 years after the family has settled in a very fertile area near the Nile river called Goshen near the garrison cities of Ramseis and Pitom. From this point forward, B’nei Yis’rael, moves toward becoming a nation and a people. Sh’mot is the story of our transformation.
As for process, I mostly use transliterated Hebrew instead of the traditional anglicization of names for people and places. I will summarize and provide commentary of the narrative or content of each parshah, followed by reflections and, when possible suggestions for practices. Summaries will be in first person plural. I look forward to your thoughts, experiences, and feedback. Comments are welcome and encouraged.
Sabrina Sojourner
Shaliakh Tzibur
24, Tevet, 57

This week’s parshah is Tol’dot (25.19-28.), the sixth parashah of Breisheet/Genesis and the Torah. It begins with וְאֵלֶּה תּוֹלְדֹת יִצְחָק These are the (stories, generations) of Yitz’khak… (25.19). The primary reason seems to be to clarify that Yitz’khak is also Avraham’s son. The first 18 verses of Chapter 25 are the end of parashah Chayei Sarah. It begins with Avraham’s marriage to K’turah, [2] the births of the sons she bore him, and their descendants; Avraham’s death and his burial by both his sons Yitz’khak and Yishmael; and Yishmael’s progeny. In this parashah we get the largest glimpse into Yitz’khak’s nature. In the rabbinic imagination, Yitz’khak is our passive patriarch. A closer reading of Tol’dot tells a different story. Riv’kah has trouble conceiving. Yitz’khak and Riv’kah both pray for children, to no avail. Yitz’khak makes a special plea on behalf of his beloved, and soon she becomes pregnant. However, her pregnancy is not easy. The children struggle within her and she goes to inquire of the Eternal. The Eternal answers that Two nations are in your womb, Two separate peoples shall issue from your body; One people shall be mightier than the other, And the older shall serve the younger. (25.23) Riv’kah gives birth to twin boys: a red and hairy boy who is named Eisav, and a second son, born clutching his brother's heel, is named Yaakov. Eisav becomes a skillful hunter and outdoorsman. Yaakov stays in the family camp. Yitz’khak favors Eisav, while Riv’kah favors Yaakov. One day, Eisav returns home from the field hungry and pleads with Yaakov to give him some of the stew he is cooking. Yaakov bargains with Eisav to give him, Yaakov, his birthright as firstborn in exchange for a portion of the stew. Eisav protests, but accepts the barter. A famine comes to Canaan, and Yitz’khak takes his family to Egypt via G’rar. When he arrives there, The Eternal tells him not to go to Egypt. The Eternal also tells Yitz’khak that he will receive all the blessings promised to Avraham. When the townsmen inquire regarding his wife, Yitz’khak tells them that Riv’kah is his sister, fearing that he might be killed in order for them to take Riv’kah. She is brought to king Avimelekh. He eventually catches Riv’kah and Yitz’khak playing/flirting with each other. He figures out what’s going on and reprimands Yitz’khak. Yet, Avimelekh also decrees that no one touches either of them. Yitz’khak remains in G’rar. He sows crops, and miraculously harvests a hundred times more than a field's normal yield. Yitz’khak thrives, and his neighbors grow jealous. With the blessing of The Eternal, Yitz’khak leaves Avimelekh and begins the process of restoring his father’s wells that were filled with earth by the people of G’rar after Avraham’s death. Avraham’s long journey with a large household could only have been supported through a system of wells. Each of the wells was named to establish his rights. The best known is Beer Sheva, or B’er Sheva, meaning Seven Wells or something similar. Conventional thinking says that Yitz’khak restores and reestablishes the names given by Avraham to certify his rights. Practical as it is, I see a deeper meaning. Yitz’khak’s men dig another well and it reveals mayim chayim, living waters, the most precious water. The G’rar Valley shepherds claim the water is theirs, and Yitz’khak names it hab’eir Eseik, the well of quarrel. He and his men dig another well, and its ownership is also contested. Yitz’khak names it Sit’nah, hostility. Yitz’khak moves on and another well is dug. When there is no contention, he names it R’khovot, spaciousness or expansion. This quality is reinforced by his statement, Now the Eternal has granted us ample space to increase in the land. (26.22) From there, Yitz’khak goes to B’eir Sheva. As we assess our transition from the current administration to the next, from months of disease and death to the hope of a different future with vaccines, I’ve been wondering what are the wells that need to be dug out within our country and our human family. What is the rubble, the stoppages that need to be removed so we may see how we are connected through the deep broad well of our Common Humanity and our common history with all its beauty and magnificence as well as its deep scars/pain and disappointment? Clearing Avraham’s wells, removing whatever pebbles, sticks, and stones that clogged them, was a means of healing for Yitz’khak. Restoring the names metaphorically restored his relationship to Avraham. From a place of wholeness, he can experience the living waters and the Source of Living Waters. When Yitz’khak is confronted by the G’rar Valley shepherds, he names the quarrelsome and hostile experiences and leaves them behind. In moving past the quarrels and the hostility, without being either, he draws on deeper resources to find spaciousness and Divine Blessing. The Source of Living Waters, M’kor Mayim Chayim, is an Endless Reservoir that is always with us and is the Source of our Common Humanity. We can protect ourselves from those who hate us and want us dead without ourselves becoming haters and killers. We are required to remember that each person is made in the Divine Image (1.16) and that The Eternal, our God, has a covenant with all humanity (8.21-22). With that in mind, disagreeing with me ought not be the basis by which someone becomes my enemy. It takes deep listening to meet hostility with compassion. Many times, my approach changes the tone of the conversation. The few times it doesn’t, I name what I am experiencing. I share what I think I’m hearing: quarrelsomeness, hostility, fear, longing for connection. In doing so, I am attempting to create openings to move the conversation. Experiencing none, I can leave all, including myself, in peace: no vengeance, no condemnation. When I am able to do so, I am walking the path of Yitz’khak and I find soothing spaciousness in M’kor Mayim Chayim, Source of Living Waters, because I leave my distant cousin with the blessing of peace as I leave with peace. I know many of you, dear readers, are tired, experiencing anxiety regarding how big the workload is, and possibly terrified by the amount of hate there is in our country, and around the world. I feel the need to let you know you are not alone. It’s also important to know that the workload has always been huge, and “hate” rarely disappears. In the specific context of our country, it’s over 400 years old. By enhancing our spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical tools, we can transform ourselves. In transforming ourselves, we have the potential to transform those around us and those we encounter. They then have the potential to transform others, setting in motion the possibility that they will transform others who will transform others who… So, I invite you to rest. Renew and recharge yourself with love and compassion. Take what you need from this teaching, and continue your part of the work to transform yourself so that you influence the transformation of others, our country, and the world. Yitz’khak was far from passive. He just took another path. I hope to see you on one of these or another path. Shabbat Shalom. Sabrina Sojourner is the founder of Training the Heart to Listen and the Co-founder of Khazbar Institute.
[1] A portion of this commentary originally appeared in Washington Jewish Week, November 7, 2018
[2] For the first time, I noted that K’turah and Hagar, and perhaps some other unnamed women, are referred to as Avraham’s “concubines.” That it’s plural refutes the notion that K’turah is Hagar. They are clearly two different women whose sons are treated generously and differently from Yitz’khak, the son of his wife Sarah. © Copyright Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Avinu Malkeinu, open our hearts so that we will see all the things we have been unwilling to see, and grow in humility and compassion. Avinu Malkeinu, remove cynicism from our hearts that we may experience and move through despair and hopeless to be the person You are calling us to be. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be a contribution to efforts to end structural racism, personal racism, and bigotry, including in our Jewish Institutions. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be a contribution to efforts to end structural sexism, personal sexism, and bigotry, including in our Jewish Institutions. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be a contribution to efforts to end structural heterosexism, personal heterosexism, and bigotry, including in our Jewish Institutions. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be a contribution to efforts to end structural ableism, personal ableism, and bigotry, including in our Jewish Institutions. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be a contribution to efforts to end structural ageism, personal ageism, and bigotry, including in our Jewish Institutions. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be a contribution to efforts to end structural anti-Semitism, personal anti-Semitism, and bigotry. Avinu Malkeinu, inspire us to be compassionate to those with whom we disagree. May we see their humanity, even when they fail to see ours. Avinu Malkeinu, move us to own our humanity wherein we live what You have taught us all our lives: we are all Your creations. Avinu Malkeinu, let us not rest comfortably in the words of these prayers, waiting for You to first act on us. We must act on ourselves. Published by Ritual Well: https://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/avinu-malkeinu-time © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Breisheet/Genesis Commentary 21.1-34: The Torah portion for Rosh HaShanah in the Reform community is commonly called the Akedah, also known as the biding of Yitz’khak/Isaac. However, in the Islamic tradition, it is Yishmael, not Yitz’khak who is bound at Mount Moriah. Tradition says that God asks Avraham to take his son to Mt. Moriah and offer him as a sacrifice. The next morning, Avraham rises early and with his son and a couple of servants he begins their journey to Moriah. All of us know how the story ends: Avraham raises his hand and an angel calls to Avraham and points to ram that is to be used for the sacrifice. Meaning, Yitz’khak and Avraham are both spared, but differently. Depending upon how you look at it, there are at least four questions: was this a test for Avraham? Did he pass or did he fail? Is it possible that Avraham misheard the request the Eternal made of him? Totally separate and related is, why do we read this story on/for Rosh HaShanah, the birthday of the world? Of course, there are many answers. Not surprisingly, while most people believe that this was a test of Avraham, there is much debate about whether or not he passed the test. Of all the commentaries I’ve come across this is the one that I can live with: The story exemplifies the difference between belief and faith. Avraham had faith that the Eternal our God would not actually allow him to sacrifice his son. Meaning he hoped that God would not make him sacrifice his son, but he wasn’t certain. Why is this one of the stories we read on Rosh HaShanah? Because it is a reminder of the fragility of life, and because Yitz’khak’s life is spared. Nothing in life is guaranteed. When we go around believing we are entitled to this, that, and the other we set ourselves us for disappointment. Worse, we set ourselves up to be less than we can be because everything that happens is about us. This parashah also reinforces the concept that we are to pray as if everything depends on God and act as if everything depends on ourselves. We might pray to God to end all oppression. However, to actually end all oppression is on each of us. Each of us has a role to play in creating the world, the future we want for ourselves, our families, and others. Each of us is required to do our part with faith along the way that the Divine will send angels to appropriately intervene. Yet, we cannot assume that angels will show up, which is why we must do our best to bring our best selves to every situation we encounter because, in truth, we never know when we are the angel, the messenger, the Divine One is sending to save a life. L'Shanah Tovah v'Shabat Shalom!

I miss each and every Torah scroll I had the pleasure of Leyning Rolling Teaching from Carrying to each congregant to Touch Kiss Touch and kiss Over the course of a month Each month For years. My heart moves my eyes to Tear As I ponder the Torah scrolls Missing Its Humans Who Leyn Roll Teach from Carry them to congregants to Touch Kiss Touch and kiss Over the course of a month Each month For years. (c) Copyright Sabrina Sojourner 2020

There is much superstition about counting Jews, largely due to the Torah and the general beliefs of ancient peoples: that census taking was a dangerous proposition. In addition to being the lead to tax adjustments, it could also be a prelude to military conscription for a war. These negative consequences needed to be mitigated with a ransom or other donation to one’s deity. That is why in Sh’mot/Exodus 30:13-16 the Eternal instructs Moshe to collect “expiation money from the Israelites and assign it to the Tent of Meeting.” Everyone 20 years and older is to make a half shekel offering, rich and poor alike. B’mid’bar/Numbers is all about counting and who counts. The book is rife with strife and rebellion from the jealous husband who cannot make himself believe his faithful wife (5.11-31) to the righteous claim of the daughters of Tzelofekhad (26.1-27.11, 36.1-12) with violence in between. Any discussion of counting Jews is bound to be a fraught discussion, especially a counting that seeks to make a distinction without a difference and goes against Jewish teachings. Throughout the Torah and the Talmud there are lots of numbers. One of the most famous numbers is 600,000. A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of studying with Rabbi Dena Weiss, Hadar’s Rosh Beit Midrash, and she introduced me to commentaries by Rabbi Me’or Einayim on Parashiyot Vayeitzei and Shelach. In the former, R. Einayim seeks to have us understand contradictions in Genesis 28. In verse 11, it says (Ya’akov) took from the stones of the place , while verse 17 says he took the stone . This is the Genesis narrative in which Ya’akov is running away and he comes a [certain] place and decides to sleep there. The rabbis imagine that Ya’akov took (12) the stones and placed them around his head and laid down to sleep. Rashi explains that the stones started arguing with one another to be the one upon which Ya’akov would rest his head. They ceased competing and decided to become one so that the “Tzaddik” (Ya’akov) will rest on all of them. R. Einayim says, " For, in truth, since Wisdom is drawn down from above, from the supernal source, the world of unity, and is extended to the world of separation from which emerge the roots of the souls of Israel… this is why there were twelve stones, because Wisdom is apportioned (separated out) to each tribe according to its root, as it is known that our Rabbis said that there were twelve stones corresponding to the tribes of Israel. But at their root they are one stone, as has been explained, and each one is drawn to the wisdom from the world of division. " R. Einayim uses Rashi’s midrash to create a collective place in Judaism for all of us. In his commentary on Shelach, Rabbi explains that there are 600,000 letters in the Torah (yes, that’s almost double the actual number) and that these 600,000 letters correspond with the same number of Jewish soul-roots now split among the roughly 15 million Jews currently on the planet. He goes on to say that: “ …every person of Israel has a letter in the Torah. And the Torah and the Holy Blessed One are one. And that part of God that is inside a person is literally that letter from which comes the root of (one’s) soul… if one letter from the Sefer Torah is missing it is not complete… ” R. Einayim reminds us that this concept of unity caused the rabbis to say that anyone who destroys one soul from Israel is like one who destroys an entire world. The opposite is also true. One who sustains one soul from Israel, it is as if they have sustained an entire world. (Both of these concepts have been expanded to speak about all human life.) R. Einayim deepens this connection by referencing the morning liturgy in which we say toward the beginning of the service, “I hereby accept upon myself the positive mitzvah of ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself [Leviticus 19.18].’” He concludes, “Because everything is one complete Unity just as the Torah is only called the Torah when all of the letters are joined together,” so Judaism is incomplete if one of us is missing. I’m sure many of you recognize that 600,000 is the same number used to describe the eiruv rav – the mixed multitude of “men” who left Egypt. Some biblical commentators blame the “eiruv rav” for the complaining and disobedience that occur throughout the Torah. In other words, they categorize some percentage as not being Israelites and never fully becoming part of the kahal, the community. Though several commentators go down fascinating routes to make their point, there is no textual support for that interpretation. The Torah makes it quite clear that we were all at Sinai. Regardless of what or who we were before revelation, after revelation we were all the Eternal’s people. I deeply appreciate R. Einayim’s teaching that each and every one of us Jews is needed to have a vibrant Judaism. It’s not a matter of age. It’s not a matter of gender. It’s not about the color of one’s skin. It’s not about disability. It’s not about how learned we are. Others may want to place stumbling blocks in our paths or erect other barriers to contain Judaism. Yet, Judaism by its nature is not limited because the Eternal is infinite. By seeking to block, diminish, contain, or constrain another’s Torah, one is blocking, diminishing, containing, and constraining a part of themselves and the sparks of the Eternal. I was fascinated by Ira M. Sheskin and Arnold Dashersky’s excerpt from their chapter for the upcoming American Jewish Yearbook 2019 , which they also edited. While it is not unusual to read an essay or an article in which the writers are completely blind to their biases, I could not believe that they were defending the very data that prompted the report, “ Counting the Inconsistencies: An Analysis of American Jewish Population Studies with a Focus on Jews of Color ” which stated that “at least 12-15%” of American Jews are Jews of Color and critiqued previous population studies for data collection that kept the JOC population at 6%. Sheskin and Dashersky claim that the data in the above report is faulty and creates an overcount. They conclude: " [T]he percentage of Jews of Color is almost certainly closer to 6% nationally than to ‘at least 12%–15%;’ and this percentage has not increased significantly since 1990, although it is likely to do so in the future. Thus, responsible planning by the American Jewish community demands recognition that not all Jews are of Eastern Europe and Ashkenazi origin; and future research on American Jews needs to be sensitive to discerning Jews of Color. " Ari Y. Kelman’s critique of Sheskin and Dashersky explains why the data they reassert is not useful: " [I]nconsistencies are only the half of it; we could only find inconsistencies where there were questions about race and ethnicity. Further analysis revealed that only 41% of Jewish community studies (36 of 89) conducted since the year 2000 even included any questions about race and ethnicity in the first place (all of the studies, reports, survey instruments, and data are available on the Berman Jewish DataBank ). " I cannot read into the hearts of Sheskin and Dashersky and why they felt the need to assert the dominance of Ashkenazim in American Judaism by means of numerically containing and minimizing Jews of Indigenous, African American, Chinese American, Ethiopian, Puerto Rican, Arab, Indian, Caribbean, Peruvian, African, Yemenite, Mizrahi, Sephardi, Persian, and Mixed Heritage. Some of us are Jews by Choice. Many of us have a long, unbroken lineage. We are the neighbors to be loved as you love yourself. (To learn about the origin of the term Jews of Color, click here .) We are not a newly invented inconvenience, for we have always been part of the Jewish people and there is no Judaism without us. We know who we are and that we belong. Furthermore, those who contest our belonging say much more about themselves than about our spiritual right to be safely welcomed into Jewish spaces, without hassle or harassment. This is especially important, now, as our Asian sisters and brothers are experiencing harassment by White America, because of our president’s insistence on calling COVID19 the “China Virus.” Our Black and African American brothers and sisters are in deep pain as more and more Black women and men are harassed and murdered by police. Latinx and Indigenous Jews receive the same unwanted police suspicion. Any one of us who “looks Muslim” can be harassed, if not murdered, for that resemblance. People of Color and all Jews are not safe by any measure in a White Supremacist system. Jews of Color especially need our spiritual communities to be a refuge from the madness of White Supremacy, including reviewing curricula for diversity of Jewish experiences and Jewish thought. As easily as anti-Semitism in the Jewish culture is discussed, so ought racism and White Supremacy be discussed, as well as the pain it causes all parts of our communities. There is no eliminating anti-Semitism without erasing all manifestations racism. White-skinned and White-identified Jews also need to examine their relationship to White Supremacy in particular and Whiteness broadly, including White privilege with a focus on how to use it to dismantle White Supremacy. It is good for all of us to understand the push by our White-skinned Jewish American ancestors for Jews to be seen as White. I invite you into this conversation realizing that it may be difficult. You do not have to do it alone. There are many reasons to know how many of us there are. So, if we want to count us Jews, we must do it with integrity to make sure we are counting each and every one of us as we are: a diverse and highly varied people who have many gifts for each other and the world. © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malkhut shebeMalkhut Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe.
Quality: Living and Leading with Radical Oneness As I conclude this year’s Omer Journey, I know I’m in deeper relation with my personal Torah and its intersection with the Torah that glues us together as a people. Both continue to grow in relevance within me and strengthen my sense of connectedness to Life. Both continue to reveal to me the means of being with Life on Life's terms. The dance of the seven sephirot Khesed, G’vurah, Tiferet, Netzakh, Hod, Y’sod, and Malkhut that focus us during the Counting of the Omer are around us all the time every day, many times of day. This is the dance I willing dance wherever Life finds me. These radical qualities are everywhere, including inside brokenness, suffering, pain, loss, death… As I see it, this is the essence of living and leading with Radical Oneness. The Divine One is without beginning and without end and the circle runs through me and around me to each and every one, and each and every thing! Tonight, begins the last day of Omer and we are finishing our preparations to receive Torah. How are you relating to your sense of self? How are you relating to your personal Torah? Whether you read one or all of these postings, what has your experience opened? Closed? Drawn closer? Pushed away? What is the Torah you anticipate; seek to open within you and in the world? Rest well! See you on the The Holy One's Mountain - Sinai! Khorev! Prepare your senses! Prepare your senses! Blessings,

Y’sod ShebeMalkhut Foundation, establishment, setting the foundation, fundamental; foundation upon with The Divine One created the universe within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe.
Quality: Living and leading with expanding mindfulness and comfort with unknowing There are three primary domains of personal knowledge: what we know, what we know we don’t know, and what we don’t know that we don’t know. The last one includes all the knowledge that is known and we do not know. As each of the first two domains grow, so does the third. The more we know, the more we know we do not know, and the more we realize (paraphrasing a song sung by Louis Armstrong) there is more to learn than we can ever know. The universe of unknowing is beyond our grasp – much like the Blessed One, Blessed be the One! Yet, true knowledge is not about information. True knowledge, foundational knowledge, is based on our human experiences; the ones we personally have experienced and the ones we have witnessed or heard first-hand, and the stories, the meaning we make of these experiences. The meaning we create of these experiences is the knowledge that opens or closes our hearts, our minds, our hands, and our motivations. This is the Torah that lives and grows within us. It is our internal guidance system. As we gain more knowledge of the world, we gain insights that may counter our meanings, potentially expand or write-over our meanings. How do you value your Torah? Yes, YOUR Torah! Rabbi Dena Weiss, Beit Rosh of Hadar, teaches in the name of Rabbi Me’or Einayim that each of us has a piece of the Eternal within us that is represented by a letter in the Torah. Since the Torah and the Eternal are One, we are also one with both. As with a Torah scroll if any one letter is missing, the Torah is incomplete. And so it is with us and Judaism. If anyone of us is turned away from Judaism, then Judaism is incomplete. I, again, ask: How do you value your Torah? How do you mind it and mine it? What deciphering are you ready to live; share with others? Are you prepared for the next leg of your journey; to expand and deepen your Torah? To experience Life with eyes open, heart open, mindfulness, and ready to engage in a relationship of unknowing? Here’s the secret: we cannot be prepared AND we can only be ready. True security arises when we know that it can all be gone in an unexpected instant and live as if the next moment and the next day and the year plus matter, because it all does. When we live into the security of insecurity (Radical Freedom), we create room for the unexpected whether good and or less than pleasant. We know it is all part of Life. We trust the journey of living and leading with expanding mindfulness and comfort with unknowing. The consummation is two days away: how are you feeling about the transformation that will unfold? Excited? Terrified? Bored? Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Hod ShebeMalkhut Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe.
Quality: Living and Leading with Appreciation Take no one and no thing (intentional separation) for granted. Voice appreciation. It takes no extra time to say “thank you” to every one for every thing that is done to aid you on your way. If you know them, let them know they are appreciated every day. If they are an essential worker at your coffee or lunch or after workspace, notice them. Say hello by name and thank them. When appropriate, tip them well. If you are on the phone or at an establishment note the name of the person serving you. Treat them like a valued contribution to your life because they are. Thank them by name as they help you check out, check in, determine the status of an order, help you return a package, or they deliver packages to upi; hand you groceries, coffee or snacks, or copies; or solve or guide you to solving one or more problems…
Take NO ONE for granted. Taking someone for granted depletes the giver and kills joy, incentive, and/or love. It also diminishes you. Do you notice what your beloved does for you on a regular basis? Do you still say thank you with deep appreciation every time? Meaning, as if your life depends on it? Because it does! What are you noticing about what it takes to run your household? What are you negotiating with your partner so that you can both be successful? If you are in a double unemployed household, how are you being present to each other and your own fears or anxieties? What are you doing to take care of each of you and the two of you? How are you handling your dissatisfaction these days? How are you handling your satisfaction these days? Are you sharing the burdens or demanding to be the center? Are you celebrating small victories and gratitude and blessing? How are handling your vulnerabilities? Are you hiding your stress, depression, anxieties behind a little more drinking, eating, exercising, sleeping… Kindnesses, such as thank yous, picking up or ordering favorite items, giving unsolicited compliments, notes of affection left where they will be found, and so much more are what fuel relationships. Additionally, giving makes us more available to the people for whom we care and ourselves – unless we are giving because we believe it’s our only values. Spoiler alert: it’s not your only value. Hint: It's not!! All of this is about being willing to be our true selves and continue to grow as we gain more life experience and knowledge. Living and leading with appreciation will transform your transactions with people near and far and it will transform you. So, what will it take for you to be the thoughtful caring being you seek to be?! That you are called to be? Tonight, we camp in the plateau at the base of the mountain. How are you readying yourself for revelation? Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Netzakh ShebeMalkhut Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory within Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Holding Paradox.
Quality: Living and Leading with Dignity and Esteem I have permission to share this story: A few years ago, a friend dated a man with whom she had a lot in common, including that they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. It was a quick friendship that promised to develop into more, and she went with it. She was excited and happy. They had only been dating for a couple of months when he unexpectedly displayed a level of cruelty that stunned her. She had taken a break from their day to work on a few items, then spontaneously decided to take herself out for dinner and invite him to join her. He showed up later than expected. Still, she was happy to see him. Within minutes after he arrived, he got annoyed about something she did not understand and called her outside her name. When she repeated what he said to her, he tried to defend it. She told him to stop and ordered him to leave. As he left, he turned back and repeated the insult. A few days later, he apologized, and she accepted his apology. She was also clear that, for the sake of the people they had in common, she would be genuinely polite and civil, but he ought not to expect more from her. He also asked her forgiveness and she said no. Him: It’s Yom Kippur, you have to forgive! She: No, I do not. I hold no malice toward. However, you refuse to understand or take any responsibility for the impact of your behavior. So, I don’t forgive you.
Several weeks later, he was surprised when she refused to have a casual meal with him. To his credit, he asked that she explain. She explained that his surprise confirms that he still had not been listening or taking her seriously. There was no reason for her to be more than polite until he was ready to listen. So, he listened without interruption – which was hard for him. It was hard for him to hear the full emotional impact of his cruelty. He confessed that he ‘had no idea’ the impact his actions had on her – despite her previous attempts to communicate the devastation.
When I asked my friend, what allowed her not to get stuck in the trauma of what happened between them, she laughed. “After the incident, I was still in shock when a young girl (who was celebrating her birthday) at the next table asked me if I was okay. Instantly, I realized I was and laughed. I said yes, I was okay. My waiter showed up and said there were six people who wanted to buy me drinks; seven if I included him. Of course, I wanted to know why. He said he couldn’t speak for the others, but it was the first time he saw a woman standing up to a jerk; sending him away instead of leaving. ‘You were here, having a good time until he came and started calling you names. He’s an idiot!’ I was blown away. “All of that made it easy to remember my commitment to who I am, now; not the abused child or the abused bride or abused girlfriend of long ago. Not the neglected life partner or anything other than me, now. I cannot be committed to the story and its emotional horror; that perpetuates the old traumas. In focusing on what I needed in the moment I demanded that he leave instead of me leaving, because it was my dinner with me to which he was an ungrateful invited guest who, intentionally or not, tried to strip me of my dignity. My residual insecurities could have led me to believe what he said, but that didn’t occur to me. It didn’t even occur to me! I knew it was all about him, and my healing was about me. The next day, I mourned. In between contact with him, I was fine. Amazingly fine.” Once we realize that our insecurities are the lies we tell ourselves to keep us from being the person we want to be, we can live with them because we know they are not true. They are old insecurities speaking. We can put our hand on our heart and pat ourselves because we are now okay. The stronger our sense of connectedness to The Divine One, ourselves, our families, friends, neighbors, co-workers – Life, the stronger our antidote to those who want to take us down intentionally or unintentionally. In this way, we are owning our holiness. We are living and leading with dignity and esteem. We are overwhelmed and pulled by the Mountain. We move forward as a community. Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

The Seventh Week of Counting Omer we examine our relationship to the nature of Malkhut (מלכות), the 10th Sephirah on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life; the one that sits with us and within us. Like some of the other Sephirah, Malkhut is an opportunity to hold the paradox Exaltedness AND Humility. Unlike other definitions of humility, Malkhut requires us to hold our sovereignty and the sovereignty of others. When we treat one another as the Priest, Priestess, and Kohanimot, we are being. We change ourselves and the world. Other meanings include: Shekhinah, majesty, sovereignty; union of opposites. Malkhut is also a state of being that is both constant and everchanging – the ultimate paradox, and the Source of our humanity. Khesed ShebeMalkhut Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Holding Paradox. Quality: Leading and living with lovingkindness and compassion
How would your life transform if you practiced leading from any chair (no title or specific role required) and did so for the sake of something larger than yourself? How would that transform your relationships with your families? Communities? Partnerships? Board member participation (regardless of entity)? Civic, religious, or public participation? How would your life be transformed if you treated you with the love, lovingkindness, compassion, and patience you keeping waiting for others to give you?! Leading and living with lovingkindness and compassion Go ahead! Feel - as in acknowledge – the fear, anxiety, joy, wonder… that may be swirling around you as you read. We are not empty cups, though we may of moments of feeling depleted. That often happens when we give more than we ought to for the wrong reasons, or are so busy giving, we don’t take what is offered. Feel the grace, peace, gratitude, and holiness that being in relationship to you and what is important to you brings. Feel the anticipation of moving closer to the Holy Mountain and its promise of transformation! The Holy Mountain is on the horizon!! If you can put your hand out, you can pretend to touch it!! Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malkhut ShebeYesod Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Paradox within Foundation, Establishment, Elemental; the cosmological and mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One Created the Universe.
Quality: The Holy Spark within you The Divine One, blessed be The One, is Holy and brought us out of Mitzrayim/Egypt to be our God and for us to be the Eternal’s holy people; Priests, Priestesses, and Kohanimot. The Holy One, blessed is The One, established God's Mish'kan/Santuary within us because the Eternal sought to see God's reflection within us so that God's soul would not reject us. Each of us is holy. The Divine expectation is that we are to: • Take care of ourselves so that we can tend to another, others, and creation. • Love ourselves compassionately so that we can love and be compassionate with our families of blood and choice, our neighbors, our co-workers, our communities, the circles of people who make our lives possible… with the generous and open heart with which we love ourselves. • Respect the holiness within us and cultivate our spiritual life so that we can tend to the holiness all around us and grow into the person the Eternal needs us to be in this world in this moment.
We are not expected to be perfect because no one is perfect. Yet, we are expected to perform Tikkun Olam (Repair of the World). We can strive to be the best we can, especially in tough situations. We can nurture the holy spark within ourselves and another. We can extend courtesies without the expectation of reward. We can delight in, and express gratitude for, another’s courtesies toward us. We can appreciate the mirror another presents of a part of ourselves with which we are uncomfortable. This is an opportunity to heal. We can be with the varied ways that Life shows and use all we know to heal ourselves. When we cherish and honor the holy spark within us, we are illuminating hidden sparks and calling them into this world to aid healing, to bring wholeness. We are ordinary and extraordinary. We are the children of the Holy Blessed One, blessed be The One.
We have now counted Six Weeks of Omer. Can you feel the mountain calling you? Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Yesod ShebeYesod Foundation, Establishment, Elemental; the cosmological and mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the Universe within Foundation, Establishment, Elemental; the cosmological and mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the Universe.
Quality: Healing secrets
Where within your foundation have you buried your deepest secrets? You’re shame(s)? What is the secret of another you hold and wish you didn't? Some of us must hold secrets for ethical reasons. Still, we can find ourselves tortured by what we know and whom we believe also needs to know. Yet, to violate the ethics of our profession hurts us and our profession. That being so, how can it help the person or persons "we believe" need to know?! There is no general answer to this conundrum. We must truly weigh all factors before choosing to act in accordance to the ethics we agreed to uphold. Regardless of your role within your secret, if you cannot forgive yourself, it may be difficult to raise it and to lay it on the Altar of Love of the Divine One for healing. You may need help to bring the secret into your view, your light; allowing your soul to own it so that you may experience grace and healing. Heal your secrets and heal families. Be assured, there are plenty of responsible people willing to accompany you on your journey. When you are ready and willing to look beyond the abyss of shame to see your true self in the mirror of Life, you’ll become more available to yourself and to all that matters to you. Most importantly, you will strengthen your foundation. You will experience new growth. You will cease feeling alienated from yourself, what truly matters to you, and Oneness. Heal your secrets and heal families. Heal yourself and heal worlds.
Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Netzakh ShebeYesod
Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe. Quality: Radical Freedom A Bedtime Sh’ma for Modern Times Sovereign of all that is known and unknown, Holder and Keeper of my heart and soul, I thank You for the day that has passed. I especially thank You for the way in which You provided emissaries in human form and from the natural world that provided me with beauty, kindness, mindfulness, and blessing. I thank You for the moments that caught my breath: The unexpected smells and aromas that gave momentary pleasure. How light, color and shadow presented a moment of exquisite beauty. For smiling eyes and courtesies that created warmth. Being of unexpected service to another. The sweetness experienced in person and afar with someone who loves me, and so much more. Your blessings are boundless, and I am grateful for each that fell my way today. Sovereign of all that is known and unknown, Holder and Keeper of my heart and soul, I ask Your forgiveness as I know I was far from perfect today. I lost patience. I forgot courtesies. I was thoughtless in my remarks to another. I gossiped. I lied; it does not matter that it was for a good cause. I let my ego get in the way of doing what was correct. I let my ego prevent me from being gracious. It does not matter which of these acts were intentional. It does not matter which of these acts were unintentional. It does not matter if the person or persons involved were aware of and or hurt my actions. It does not matter that there were no consequences – today – for any of these actions. It only matters that I was not the light in the world You need and want me to be. Let no harm come to those I wronged; and please be merciful toward me. Sovereign of all that is known and unknown, Holder and Keeper of my heart and soul, Thank You for creating me to be a vessel through which Your Light and Presence may be
known. I ask You to forgive those who harmed me today, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Due to unexamined attitudes and assumptions, they may not be aware that their good intentions landed as insults; some very hurtful, all disappointing. They may not be aware of the root of their feelings that caused their actions. Do not allow their jealousy or fear of me to bring them harm. Please, let no one suffer consequences on my behalf or for my benefit. Please, guide them with Your mercy to the path of strength and right action as You guide
me. Sovereign of all that is known and unknown, Holder and Keeper of my heart and soul, I ask that You provide guardians for my windows and doors so that no harm will come to me through this night. I ask that Your angels guide my soul to You and that it be Your will, my Eternal Friend, that they guide me safely home to see Your morning light on this beautiful planet one more time. True and Enduring are You, my Creator. There is none other like You, El Shaddai. You are Boundless, and I am so specific as to be only one of Your uncountable creations. Still, I humbly announce Your Greatness and Steadfastness, for You trust me despite my misdeeds and missteps and missed marks. Holy Sovereign, known by many names, I stand as a witness to Your Glory and the brilliance through which it manifests, daily. I proclaim You and praise You with every breath and declare: שְׁמַע ׀ יִשְׂרָאֵל, יְיָ ׀ אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ, יְיָ ׀ אֶחָד! בָּרוּךְ שֵׁם כְּבוֹד מַלְכוּתוֹ לְעוֹלָם וָעֶד. Sh’ma Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai ekhad! Barukh Shem kvod malkhuto l’olam va-ed. Listen, wrestler with the Divine! The One is our One, The One, Is One! Blessed be The Name’s Glorious Sovereignty forever and ever. שׁמע ׀ ישראל, יהוה אלהינו, שכינה אחת! Sh’ma Israel, Adonai eloheinu, Sh’khinah ehat! Listen Israel, The Eternal One is our God, The Sh’khinah is One! Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Tiferet ShebeYesod Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order, intersecting Khesed and Gevurah within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe.
Quality: Embracing struggle and ease as natural occurrences לִמְנוֹת יָמֵינוּ כֵּן הוֹדַע וְנָבִא לְבַב חָכְמָה Teach us to number our days, such that we acquire a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90.12 I live with grief. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my Mom, my Dad, Linda, Steven, Stan, Elijah, Cokie, John, Jennie, Juanita, Robert… I live with these aches gladly because each causes me to be with what is missing and be present to beauty, sweetness, kindness, compassion, hugs, smiles, pats on the back, waves… all kinds of amazing nature… even on the coldest, dreariest of winter days and the harshest moments of summer and everything in between. Even in this pandemic, life is full. Spending so much time alone, I am cuddling with the difficult and the sweet. Things happen. Hard things happen. Amazing things happen. It’s all part of being alive. Embracing what is so, moves me into relationship with the not-so-good and the great and the blessed ordinary in between. What I know to be true now is that I am doing what I can to make my days count and worrying less about counting my days. I am happy not to have all the answers and it’s fun to still be making it up as I go. I’m living struggle and ease as natural occurrences.
Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Gevurah ShebeYesod Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength, and Boundaries corresponding with Awe within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe.
Quality: I am not responsible for you and your emotions
About a week ago, an organization that shall remain nameless circulated an add on Facebook about communication during these tough and stressful times with partners. I was not impressed. So, I rewrote it: "If you experience me as doing or saying something wrong, please let me know. If you feel hurt by something I’ve said or done, please – make me aware of it. If I didn’t listen well enough, tell me again – including what you believe I missed, and I will try to understand. If you experience me as being insensitive to your needs, to your desires, or to your thoughts, tell me so that I may consider them.
"Lastly, if I experience you as holding an attitude because you believe I'm not listening, being insensitive, or thoughtless, I will do my best to hear your pain. I will do my best not to take, personally, any judgment you speak or criticism you direct towards. Again, I will do my best to hear your pain. I will ask if we can try again. After all, like you, I'm only human."
Knowing where one begins and another ends, is important. Each of us is capable of saying or doing something that delights or inspires, hurts or angers. Most often, none of it is done with intent. And, there's no enlightenment in making one party wrong and the other right. Yet, it is important to take responsibility for how our words and actions are received. This reflection is not in isolation. It corresponds to the quality discussed for Day 36: I am responsible for me and my emotions in response.
Any mess that is created requires the involvement of both (all) parties. If you’re willing to see it through, a lot of missing sparks will be returned to the universe! Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Week Six of Counting Omer we examined the nature of Y’sod (יסוד), the 9th Sephirah of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Foundation, Establishment, Essential; Torah – the cosmological and mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe. Its basic nature is the four elements: Wind/Breath, Fire/Compassion, Water/Reflection, and Earth/Body. Within Y’sod is sod (סוד), which translates as secret, counsel, deliberation, and consultation. The primary quality is the experience of reflective maturity as the road to wisdom. Khesed ShebeY’sod Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Foundation, Establishment, Essential; the Cosmological and Mystical Foundation upon which the Divine One created the universe.
Quality: I am responsible for me and my emotions in response; Y'sod grace There is this idea in some parts of our broader culture that “you” can cause or make another feel bad: mad, sad, angry, guilty, or otherwise upset. This concept hinders honest communication because it shifts to blame and fault, and the point or lack of a point of the flammable comment gets lost. One is responsible for the impact of one’s words. A conversation centered on the impact (racist, sexist, heterosexist, degrading, disrespectful, out of sync…) is different from a conversation that says, “You made me (fill in the blank).” What I've often witnessed is people getting stuck in the second half, derailing attempts to address the first half. Sometimes, indignation or fragility or defensiveness come across as blaming the victimize. It’s also a great tactic to avoid responsibility for the impact of one’s behavior or words. We are responsible for my reactions and our responses. The difference? I am reacting when one of my buttons get pushed and my words are mean. When I’m being responsive, I ask more questions. I state how the previous words landed. I may even show how emotional I am – AND – I do not “blame” others for me being emotional. In my best moments, I can smile and treat the incident as a fascinating opportunity. A few years ago, I met a “used to be Orthodox” man at the end of a service I had led. We were chit-chatting with a lot of enthusiasm when he asked the common compound question, “Were you raised Jewish or did you convert?” Me: Laughing, “You know you are not supposed to ask that.” He: “Yes, but I’m curious.” Me: Well, if you want to know the answer, get to know me. One of my congregants was about to say something, when I said, “It’s okay. It’s handled.” I turned back to our guest, and said, “Right?” He: “Beautifully. You have a nice way of telling people off.” Me: Not always. But, I am always in a good mood after I lead services. We both laughed. He: I’m going to enjoy getting to know you.
There is nothing fun about being challenged regarding one’s identities. Yet, rare is the “new” Jewish space or “new” to me Jewish person with whom it does not happen. The regularity with which it happens caused me to change my attitude toward it. While I still find it annoying, my approach is not to allow its occurrence to spoil or ruin my Shabbat or other Jewish experience. I know I am not a curiosity and refuse to be treated like one. I own my place in the Jewish world. From this intersection, I choose what I share and with whom. I do not defend my right to belong because I belong. I no longer take the intrusion personally because it says much more about them than about me. So, I choose to be momentarily disappointed instead of royally irritated for a much longer amount of time. The former interrupts my time. The latter ruins my time. Being responsible for my feelings frees me to feel. No need to carry a shield because the best one is knowing before Whom I stand. Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malkhut ShebeHod Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Paradox and Limitation within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp. Quality: Dancing Shabbat! If I could, I would dance into and throughout Shabbat! Moving dramatically and imperceptibly To the inner and outer rhythms of the preparations rituals foods people Divine Guests Pausing now and then to note mood of the Great Presence So I could bend, sway, bow, twirl or stir a limb In such a way as to please The Name of All Names Though I am not a toe dancer, I would find a way to climb to the tips of my feet To meet the Presence without and within To feel what is up and bring it down To greet what is low and bring it up To create the balance In such a way as to thank The Giver of All For all that I have received For all that we have received If I could, I would dance into and throughout Shabbat!
We have now counted five weeks of Omer. Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Yesod ShebeHod Foundation, Establishment, Setting The Foundation, Fundamental; Foundation upon which the Divine One Created the Universe within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp. Quality: Rooted in the Compassionate and Gracious Source of Life When life becomes unexpectedly uncertain, I fall. Figuratively to the ground. Spiritually, it’s a spiral whose spinning is determined by how much I struggle against, argue with, what is occurring. ...memories of being in Aunt Edna’s kitchen, standing on a foot stool and stirring something that I know will be delicious… It is only in recent years that I have learned that the Source of Life Graciously and Compassionately catches me as I fall, as I weep, as I moan, and as I cry incessantly. I no longer fear the fall as the floor of what I knew disappears beneath me. I let the shock move through me so that I can feel sadness, anger, pain, gratitude, numbness – not necessarily in that order; and it does repeat. Through it all is the blanket, the robe, the deep hug of the Compassionate and Gracious Source of Life. It does not demand that I do something with my hair, put on some lipstick, or – more importantly – that I “get over it.” It squeezes me such that I know that I’m still part of life. It seeds stories into my dreams of Zusiyah, Solomon’s Ring, Ruth and Naomi, D’vorah… memories of being in Aunt Edna’s kitchen, standing on a foot stool and stirring something that I know will be delicious… bathing with my sister, Sandra, in her oh so big kitchen sink with adult laughter as background as we splash and sing. The counsel of Mothers appear with physical and spiritual medicines. The counsel of Fathers appear with physical and spiritual medicines. Each counsel gives appreciation for the journey and assurance that I’ll be okay. Soon, colors reappear in my dreams and smiles from family, friends, neighbors, strangers… All of the above is the Compassionate and Gracious Source of Life holding me to life and through life as I gain new strengths and a deepened appreciation as to what it takes to be with Life, no matter what! Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Hod ShebeHod Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp.
Quality: Joy and Celebration – Lag BaOmer Today is Lag BaOmer, a welcome break from the month of mourning. Counting the Omer marks the 49 days between the second night of Pesakh (Passover) and the 50th day, Shavuot, the days we honor the receiving of Torah. During Omer, there are no weddings or other festive celebrations, except Pesakh Sh’eni, the Second Passover and Lag BaOmer. Many Jewish men do not cut their hair and some also do not shave or trim their beards.
Lag BaOmer is a day for weddings, picnics, haircuts, and bonfires. In Israel, many families will take their three-year-old sons to Meron, for their first haircut – If you read to the end, you'll know why. Counting Omer began as a celebration of the day we left Mitzrayim (Egypt) and our travels to God’s Mountain, Mount Sinai. In that realm, Lag BaOmer is said to be the day we received Manna to aid us on our journey. From the mystical viewpoint, Manna is seen as the spiritual food we needed to be ready for being with God and receiving Torah at Sinai. The Talmud tells us that Omer is a time of semi-mourning because it was during this season that thousands of students of the great sage Rabbi Akiva died from a plague; a plague caused by the disrespectful ways in which they treated one another. Of course, this statement needs to be unpacked at another time.
Rabbi Akiva was an ardent supporter of Rabbi Simeon bar Koseva (or Kosiba). Simeon, a very charismatic figure, was given the nickname Bar Kokhba, “Son of a Star.” The name is based on a verse in Numbers 24.17 from the mouth of Balak: …there shall step forth a star out of Ya’akov… a scepter shall rise out of Yisrael… Bar Kokhba spent over a decade planning rebellion and his actions divided our rabbis. Those supporting him believed he was the M’shiakh. The Bar KoKhba rebellion is easy to research, so I am not going to share much more, except that in the end the Roman's regained control. Thousands of Y’hudaim, including most of Rabbi Akiva’s students, died. However, the rabbis could not directly reference the rebellion as they were still under Roman rule – thus, the reference to a plague. As you may be able to imagine, the mystics and kabbalists embraced Simeon’s story. Another reference speaks of Rabbi Simeon bar Yohai, a student of Akiva who survived. He is said to have continued to speak against Roman rule and had to leave or be killed. Legend tells us that he and his son, Eleazer, hid in a cave for 12 years where they were sustained by a miraculous pond and a carob tree. During that time, the two prayed and studied Torah, and Simeon’s self-discipline became quite strong – too strong, some would say. When Simeon emerged, he was completely dismayed by ordinary work, and every where he looked and saw such things, his gaze would start fires. God was not happy with this behavior and placed them back in the cave for another year.
As you may be able to imagine, the mystics and kabbalists embraced Simeon’s story. He is said to have died on Lag BaOmer and his tomb is in Meron, a small city in the northern part of Israel near S’afed. Many Askenazi Israelis take their three-year-old sons to Meron for their upsheren, a public ritual of a son’s first haircut (The Sephardic community observe the haircut custom on the 34th Day of Omer). Bonfires are also lit on Lag BaOmer throughout of Israel.
Whatever your customs, today is a day of Joy and Celebration within Joy and Celebration! Blessings,

Netzakh ShebeHod Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp.
Quality: Living we are connected
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov created a midrash (between the word/lines story) that describes Noakh (Genesis 6.9-11.32) as someone who was ridiculed from childhood as the person who would “save humanity.” Noakh did advance several technologies that made people’s lives easier and still he suffered abuse from the larger community. When he started to build the ark, the ridicule worsened. After the flood, Noakh, finally makes it to shore and he is stunned. He has emerged to an empty world. Noakh prays: Compassionate One! Where is Your Compassion? The Eternal responds: Foolish shepherd! Now you pray to me to have compassion! Where was your compassion when I told you my plans?! Sometimes, we can feel so battered by life that we go numb, sinking into depression. Most people looking at us would not know we are depressed because we continue the routine of getting up and showing up. We appear well put together. All the while, we are crumbling inside, aching for something to move us out of exile, yearning for anything to return us to Life. We may respond to a calling that seems to answer, soothe our ache. The Rebbe, who danced with his depression, seems to be telling us not to be seduced by that call. Let it wake us enough, if not fully, to Life to be curious and to inquire. The call may appear to be for action – doing when Life is actually calling us to: Awaken. Notice. Be present. That includes being in relationship with our depression, anxiety, fears, anger – everything that is covering our deep pain so that we can be with our deep pain. When we surrender to our grief, trauma, deep pain we come into our selves. We wail, moan, sob; failing into the source of our resistance – our suffering. In that moment we are rocked back to life. Yes, we are still sad. Yes, we are still grieving. Yes, we are still in the aftermath of trauma. The difference is that being present to what brought us to numbness, depression ceases our suffering and returns us to being connected to the Source of Life, which moves us to being connected to the humans and nature that constantly remind us we’re not alone. From this moment, color and coloring return such that we are deeply held by our relationship to Love, Gratitude, joy, Beauty… Life is not either or. It is both and all. When we embrace this paradox, we reduce our suffering because we no longer feel picked on or singled out for misfortune. We cease dipping into survivor guilt and feeling undeserving of good fortune. We understand that Life is not yet done with us. “Why me?” is our ego – all self-consciousness that leads to suffering is ego because we are focusing on us in a way that keeps us out of the flow of Life. When we pause and say “yes” to this moment, we are returned to Life to be with Life with its amazing disappointments, sweetness, bitterness, love, compassion, and so much more! When depression causes us to forget we are connected, like Noakh, we may succeed in saving ourselves and participate in the destruction of humanity. Life requires being with our brokenness and our wholeness. They are not separate. They both live in our body, hearts, and minds; the threads of our experiences weave the still unfolding tapestry of our Life connected to the tapestries of all Life and Living. Remember, with each breath, each of us is connected to All that Was, Is, and Will Be. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Tiferet ShebeHod Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order, intersecting Khesed and Gevurah within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp. Quality: Humility and healthy selflessness
I used to find it difficult to comprehend humility. Most of the examples I saw or experienced involved someone with power making it clear to another and or to me that we not only had no power, we were less than. I now know that spiritual humility is deeply trusting that one is connected to something greater than oneself. We release ourselves from our narrow place (ego) and who we think we are, enabling us to be on the path to becoming, being. My journey over the last few years created amazing opportunities to experience humility as releasing myself from superficial constraints that prevent me from being fully present, doing what I know is right action, raising my voice when one or more makes it clear I need to shut-up (Okay, those of you who know me can stop laughing). When I submit to the pressures of the physical world that demand compliance, I am valuing only myself. Worse, I am devaluing my contribution. When I release myself from the self-created prison of anxiety, fears, and being a “good girl”, I willingly enter the unknown because I know Who is with me. In that moment, I am present: no judgement, no complaint, no opinion. Endless grace, endless empathy arises. Whether reviled or appreciated I know it is not about me. I know this angry person, sad person, happy, or joyful person is related to me. This experience of humility moves me and keeps me present. This experience of humility is the means by which I am enough, even if all I am doing is bearing witness.
Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Gevurah ShebeHod Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength, and Boundaries corresponding with Awe within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp.
Quality: Saying Yes to saying No
Consider this: no is just a word. Really, it is a simple two letter word. The weight and meaning we give it as the speaker or the receiver is what gives it its power. No is a particularly important word and it can be a very difficult word for many of us to say, especially women. From a very young child, we are taught that we are most loved when we are helpful, pleasing to the eye, and pleasant in nature. Said differently, we are trained to crave feeling needed and accepted. When our contribution is genuinely appreciated, we feel loved and blessed. We have family and friends that work with us at every level - from the chores of tending to home to being thought partners to working alongside us in some of our endeavors. When we need others to contribute to us, they are there. When our contribution is taken for granted we feel used, depleted. We may sink into negative self-talk, adding to our feeling depleted. Feeling depleted can reinforce negative self-talk, causing us to self-medicate. We decide to do better, which really means doing more. When the results are the same, the cycle repeats. Learning to say yes to ourselves can be one of the most important practices we can develop. Saying yes to saying no is an important tool and skill of self-care. It causes us to question the social notion that we are responsible for the feelings and well-being of others – we are not. We teach our children – and sometimes our partners, what it takes to produce the items they love to receive from us. We learn that there is a difference between helping, rescuing, and assisting, guiding, coaching, and working with someone. We realize we are enough.
Certainly, there are situations when we may need to pick-up the mantel and take the lead. However, it’s important to recognize that doesn’t mean we have to take over. Saying yes to saying no causes us to recognize that we do not have to do it alone. It is not our place to rescue folks – no matter how much we love them – and we can coach, teach, support another to success. We can organize our team, family, friends – strangers – to resource and work with us toward goals, changes, transformations that serve all involved.
This transforms how we approach another’s need, especially another adult. We are able to respects a person’s, a group’s humanity. We begin from a place of partnering. No rescuing. No seeking to be the hero – Do you realize how much work it is rescue? To be a hero? If you find yourself anxiety ridden at the possibility of saying no, delay reacting or responding and talk to your anxiety and the underlying fears. You may discover that the true motivator to saying yes, especially when you genuinely want to say no, is a deep cavernous longing to belong or to be needed. Tapping into that longing may feel overwhelming and terrifying, so I’m letting you know, now – it's just a feeling. It can seem like an eternity. Yet, if you ride the wave – remembering that anxiety lies, doesn’t trust the present, is suspicious of the future, and cherry picks the past – in a few moments you could arrive at the no you seek or negotiate a yes feels mutually beneficial. Saying yes to saying no will decrease your stress which will strengthen your immune system and increase your overall well-being. Saying yes to saying no causes us to prioritize our ongoing commitments and to value the relationships and practices that feed us, sustain us. Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Week Five of Counting Omer we examined the nature of Hod (הוד), the 8th Sephirah of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp. The primary quality is selflessness connected to the true self through mindfulness.
Khesed ShebeHod Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp. Quality: Healthy Selflessness
Healthy selflessness is the recognition that we do not exist as separate beings. We are connected to one another and to the Source of Creation. This selflessness seeks to reveal one’s true self. The true self is open and aware, conscious and yielding, and understands the collection of labels, experiences, and desires we amass over our lifetime aid to tell our story and they do not define us. Healthy selflessness is rooted in mindfulness and self-awareness, learning to yield and bend without sacrificing the true self. Healthy selflessness values selfcare as the “how” it meets Life on Life’s terms. Healthy selflessness is thoughtful when it comes to commitments. Healthy Selflessness seeks to honor, care, and nourish others, recognizing there is no purpose in doing so at the expense of selfcare.
Notice your responses to this definition and concept of healthy selflessness. If it might serve you, choose one or two items to aid you in exploring how you relate to selflessness as healthy.
Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malchut ShebeNetzakh Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Paradox and Limitation within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory. Quality: Surrender to Oneness
Surrender is not a popular word in the physical world. It means to capitulate, give in or up, concede, submit… Spiritual surrender is to release one’s self from ego – will, ungrounded intellectual or physical determination, unchecked certitudes, assumed security – to be with the uncertainty of “I don’t know.” This, I’ve discovered, can also be a place of blessing. I have nothing to prove. I have nothing to lose. I can relax and be with what is precisely because there is nothing to do and nothing to lose. Spiritual surrender is an invitation to see clearly what is present in this moment and to be with it without manipulation through gimmicks or tricks or arguments or false sincerity. Spiritual surrender is the moment in which we pause to recover our balance. We own that we have nothing up our sleeves and cease pushing for our way, our agenda, our plans. We recover our sense of wonder grounded in the present. We recover our sense of connection to Life – past and present with nothing to predict about the future. We stop trying to make or do, and just be. In Judaism, there is the belief that: • When we receive good news, we are to praise The Holy One, Blessed Be The One. • When we receive bad news, we are to praise The Holy One, Blessed Be The One. • What if we don’t know if the news is good or bad? All the more reason to praise The Holy One, Blessed Be The One!
Why, you might ask, would one stop and praise God with the receipt of bad news? My experience is that: • When it is good news, I am reminded that I am connected to something greater than me, and that I did not get to the moment along. • When it is bad news, I am reminded that I am connected to something greater than me, and that I will not get to the other side if I try to do it alone. • When the outcome is pending, I am still connected and I am not alone Life shows up how Life shows up. It’s easy to relate to blessings and the ordinary. Sometimes, though, we forget that we do not arrive to sweet moments by ourselves. People and Life aligned to contribute to our success, our joy.
Sorrows tests everything we know until we relate to them, too, as part of Life. When we collapse with our brokenness, Life aids us in finding our resilience, the steppingstones to the path of recovery. On these paths, when we take the time to notice, we can experience moments of intense connection to all there is. In those moments, we strangely, magically feel more connected to Life. Certainly, I feel joys more intensely precisely because I know the depths of sorrow. The invitation is to: • Surrender to Oneness when Life is good because many aided you! • Surrender to Oneness when Life is hard because many surround and care for you! • Surrender to Oneness when things are uncertain because you are connected!
We have now counted four weeks of Omer. If you look beyond the horizon, you might see the clouds atop The Mountain.
Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Yesod ShebeNetzakh Foundation, Establishment, Setting The Foundation, Fundamental; Foundation upon which the Divine One Created the Universe within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory.
Quality: Rooted in Oneness The Talmud (Shabbat 31a) tells us about a man who wanted to convert to Judaism if he could find a teacher who could teach him the entire Torah while he stood on one foot. He first approached Rabbi Shammai. Shammai was incensed. Insulted by the request, he threw the man out of his Beit Midrash (House of Study). Undeterred, the man next approached Rabbi Hillel. Thought about it, studied, and returned to man. Hillel said to him: "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation of this. Go and study it!" There are many stories of the different approaches to text and to people of Rabbis Hillel and Shammai. Hillel is described as more lenient and Shammai as more strict. Yet, for me, it seems that Hillel was more interested in people and their relationship to the Divine. A brilliant scholar, Hillel never forgot for Whom his knowledge was to serve. Hillel knew himself to be rooted in Oneness with the Divine. He wanted to bring people closer to God through Judaism.
Transitions, according to Judaism, are perilous moments. There are many stories about the unforeseen things that can – and often do – happen to us as we physically and spiritually move through the world. Do we curse the interruption to our routine or travel? Or, do we see the interruption as an opportunity to continue the human journey to awakening and deepening awareness and mindfulness? I see Hillel as a human mezuzah, guarding the doorway of transition. Where was that doorway? The doorway was, and is, everywhere. The guarded and protected doorway that offers blessings on the way to being a transformed person, a transformed Jew was with Hillel. How do you regard mezuzot (mezuzahs)? Is your touching them a routine or ritualistic? The same is true of daily or weekly prayers: what is your connection to them? What adventure do you allow a word or concept to take you on when you recite or ponder them? The journey from passive to active, from doing to being, from fear to present is within you. Your heart is your mezuzah. It is wherever you are until you are no longer on this plain. The Eternal placed the instructions to being rooted in Oneness “very close” to us. “It is in (our) mouth and in (our) heart for us to do.” D’varim 30.14 Go! There is much to study and explore. All roads lead to rooted Oneness. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Hod ShebeNetzakh Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory . Quality: Experiencing Grace
I frequently use dancing as a metaphor, and a story that Facebook COO Sheryl Sandburg shares in her book "Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy" shows why. She talks about being at the Bar Mitzvah of friend’s son and getting on the dance floor. She started dancing, but after a minute or so, she broke into tears. Why? It was the first time since her husband died that she experienced joy. Dancing, literally and metaphorically, is the act of physically experiencing our emotional body. When Life has been difficult, there is a moment when one knows: "I’m going to be okay" or "I’m okay!" When Life has been good, there is a moment when one knows: This is good! We do not reach such moments on our own. We arrive at them after some period of time of being in close relationship to our suffering. That occurs when we cease to argue with how life is instead of how we want it to be. Only then, can we grieve what we lost in the present as well as our dreams for the future. Walking the path of surrender, grief, and being in relationship to our suffering we notice all there is to notice. Initially, much may not move us. Taking care of ourselves is a routine but we don't really notice ourselves, until we do. Then, we genuinely take care of ourselves, and allow others to care for us. We welcome joy and beauty to keep us company on our journey. We especially appreciation the surprise dopamine boost they bring.
How do I know its grace? There is a change in my being. The world seems brighter. I’m aware of my body. I experience deep feelings of gratitude or peace or openness… I feel blessed… that is grace, or at least the best description I can offer. You’ll know it when you experience it. Why? Because you won’t be the same person afterwards. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Netzakh ShebeNetzakh Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory.
Quality: Uncovering the deepest urge to endure What got you through it? How did you get through it?
In both questions, “it” refers to the breaking in our lives. There is no simple or satisfying answer, which often irritates the asker. Honestly, I know of no shortcut to recovery. There is only the path that each of us travels, and it is up to us discover it. A several years ago, I experienced an event that shattered my sense of resilience. It took a while for me to realize I was not bouncing back from the thoughtless action directed my way. Yes, there was an apology, but it did not restore me. Admitting I was still hurting and that I needed help, began the process of bringing relief. I did not make it through to recovery alone. I called key people and told them what was up. My honesty caused some to flee and caused others to show up, including a therapist who knew about trauma. My work with the therapist enhanced and changed some practices and rituals, releasing practices that no longer served me. My spiritual communities and my grad school cohort were absolutely core to the process of learning to live with the suffering I was experiencing. I learned to be with my pain, my disappointment, my fear… It was all in me and being with it, instead of trying to ignore or runaway or numb out actually seemed to make the journey bearable. I know my willingness to embrace the feelings within the shattering caused me to uncover my deepest urge to survive and from that emerged a new model of resilience. Each grief has its own path to recovery. I may not know how I will recovery. Yet, now I trust I will recover because my deepest urge to endure uses spiritual and emotional memory muscles to guide me toward the wonderfully circuitous path of healing.
Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Tiferet ShebeNetzakh Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order, intersecting Khesed and Gevurah within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory.
Quality: Gift of Wading Through Loss, Grief
There is a moment that always surprises me. It can happen at any time I am in a moment of Sheer joy In moments dizzy with unassisted drunkenness My physical body and Spiritual body merge and I am boundless as I move with the Incremental tide of time soaking in sight aroma sound sensation savory note! Ecstatic exquisite elatedness can Unexpectedly open a window or door to Sadness or sorrow I wanna call my Dad or I wanna call my Mom or another no longer with me on this plain I instantaneously understand the lesson of a disagreement forgotten or I am simply able to gaze unflinchingly at the fullness of life holding the paradox of my joy and my sadness or grief my joy and the grief of others now a marble cake mix And I swaddle all with my joyous elation for All is bitter! All is sweet! All is Divine!
There is a moment that always surprises me. It can happen at any time I am in a moment of Surrender to the quarrel in my mind Accepting what is so Injustice Sadness Disappointment New or old pain making itself known In whatever fashion required Water No water Screaming Silence Longing. (I no longer go to numbness) It Moves and courses through me and Ecstatic profound sadness can Unexpectedly open a window or door to a Spark of joy My head lying in Aunt Edna’s lap The bad joke or pun of someone I love – totally appropriate for the moment The unmistakable aroma of my favorite comfort foods The voice of the police officer saying “Are you lost, little girl?” to my four-year old self
because I was lost… I am simply able to gaze unflinchingly at the fullness of life holding the paradox of my sadness or grief and my joy my grief and the joy of others now a marble cake mix And I swaddle all with lovingkindness for All is bitter! All is sweet! All is Divine!
There is a moment that always surprises me, yet I create room for the door or window to open Every time I say Kaddish.* I stand before The Holy One, Blessed be The One, Chanting Honey coated words of praise! My mouth watering with each syllable that exits my lips Each meridian of my body opens and I tremble as my hands open my heart opens my spirit body merges with The One And All flows through All the ecstatic goodness All the ecstatic sadness Weave and swirl Like a baked marbled cake And I am bound to the profundity of totality Chanting Rooted love of the Holy One, Blessed be The One Holding The bittersweet Divine paradox of Living Mind Fully Engaged.
Blessings! Sabrina *an ancient praise poem said by Jewish mourners. © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Gevurah ShebeNetzakh
Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength, and Boundaries corresponding with Awe within Eternity, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity, Endurance, Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory. Quality: The Discipline of Practice In the wake of devastation, it can difficult to impossible to figure out what to do. Similarly, the desire to make a thoughtful change in one’s Life can also lead to difficulty as to what to do first, if anything. How does one know what to do first? Not the most difficult because immediate failure could be discouraging. Not the easiest because quick success can be deceiving. Yet, there is an exception: Whatever step you take should be the one that will keep you motivated and aid you in building the spiritual muscles of awareness and resilience. Periodically, a coaching client will show-up for our meeting and declare that their homework was not done. Occasionally, the reason is a variation of "I believe I know myself better than you, and - after thinking about it, I decided that these practices were not going to be of service to me." ME: Oh! That’s interesting. It sounds to me that you got (scared, angry, anxious). CLIENT: Oh, no! I’m not (scared, angry, anxious). Why would you think that? (I pull out a sheet of paper from the client’s file and have them read some variation of) “It seems like every time I’m on the cusp of doing something important or great, I rationalize my (fears, anger, anxiousness) and talk myself out of taking the steps I need to move forward.” (Looking shocked) Oh, my God! How could I not have caught myself!?
Returning to the assignments, we identify and discuss the first one that caused fears and anxieties to rise; listening to one’s mind as a disinterested observer. We drill into the thoughts and feelings that arose that led the client to forego the assignment. Then, we identify the story running the show and take apart the resulting feelings of shame, discouragement, frustration, fear… When we unravel the rope that wraps around the client and drags them to “proper” behavior or response, some clients enthusiastically up the ante on establishing new practices to move themselves toward thriving. The cautious voice is still with my client. The difference is they are onto themselves in a new way. They leave with practices to enable them to unpeel the onion of the past and grow to recognize the many guises and mindsets that push them to "change back." The intent of the work is to notice, then to practice choosing differently until choosing differently is the practice. Through the discipline of practice, the client relates to fears, anxiety, pain, disappointment… as feelings instead of taking on the identity of being fearful, anxious, suffering, disappointing... Shifting from identifying with our feelings to experiencing our feeling allows us to be present to what is occurring in this moment. With the discipline of practice comes experience that both tells what more needs to be done and tells what is changing, strengthening the spiritual muscles of awareness and resilience. Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Week Four of Counting Omer we examine the nature of Netzakh (נצח), the 7th Sephirah of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. For many English-speaking people, one connotation of endurance is the act suffering through suffering. Endurance also means to remain in existence; to last. While these meanings are in the translation from Hebrew to English, there is more: Eternity, For Ever, Glorious Splendor, Perpetuity, and Long-Lasting. Taken together, Endurance is Lasting, Living and Being Vital as well as Suffering through Suffering. In other words, suffering through suffering takes place in the context of living and being vital. Netzakh is also defined as victory. It can be military or political. In this context it is the spiritual victory gained through being in relationship with one’s suffering;.
Khesed ShebeNetzach Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Eternity, For Ever, Glorious Splendor, Perpetuity, and Long-Lasting, and Spiritual Victory.
Quality: Loving the Journey – no matter what!
No Thing (no person, no place, no spot, no culture, no people, no idea, no value [midot]) endures without love. Suffering occurs because we love and have lost (fill in the blank). One part of loss that often gets overlooked is the vision, the dreams we held of our future before the news, the event that shattered Life as we knew it. If we are lucky, we spend little to no time feeling targeted by God or the universe for our misfortune. None of us deserve misfortune. It’s just the price of being human. We cycle through the many feelings of grief over the time we individually require. For some losses, its minutes to hours. Others we eventually learn to live with what or who is missing. When we don’t, we may land in the self-made prison of embitterment. The many facets of love (self-love, family love, friends’ love, partner’s love, community love, teacher's love, love of nature, the lovingkindness of strangers, love of Life…) are the medicines that aid us in being in relationship with our suffering. The loves are the supplies we need to move through the valley of pain to whatever is next and the graces that aid us in building, rebuilding, or renewing our resilience. In living “loving the journey – no matter what!” we are called to be in service to how Life shows up, now. We may pause before we welcome sorrow as a guest. Yet we must say “Okay, come on in. Have a seat.” so that we may begin the journey of being in relationship to this sorrow and the unexpected gifts that come with the journey, preparing us for the new normal to be discovered on the other side.
It is important for me to recognize that welcoming the guest love is not safe for all of us. However, welcoming the ghosts of the past that accompany love, including yesterday’s argument – even with hesitation, is one path to accessing the ocean called resilience and could lead to deeper healing. Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malkhut ShebeTiferet Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Paradox, and Limitation within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order; the intersection of Khesed and Gevurah.
Quality: Unending Compassion Unending Grace
It is said that when we praise and or bless the Divine One, Blessed Be The One, Shefa – emanations of Divine Energy – flows like a fountain over us and over all around us and around all around them... Through our davvening (praying) kavana (sincere direction of the heart), we spread, widen, and specify the direction of portions of that flow. Since there are always people praising and blessing Oneness, the flow of Shefa is boundless and plentiful. Our own praises add generates its own shefa, adding the energetic and healing energy for all. The endless supply of shefa has many manifestations and is not dependent on our awareness of it – it just is: Tired and needing just a little more energy, drop into the feelings and feel the Oneness recharge you. Distraught or irritated and needing soothing and or patience, drop into the feelings and feel the Oneness hold or rock you. Grateful, celebrating, and already dancing with the flow, meet the joy in Oneness and spread joy to others. Grace (Divine Favour) and Compassion (Divine Lovingkindness) are always accessible. Even at our worse, we are worthy. When we love ourselves in those horrible moments, we turn our soul toward Oneness with the desire for connection, we receive the Grace of connection. Soak it in. Once full, direct it to others you know in need and beyond, whether you know them or not. Don’t worry about names – the Oneness knows. Don’t try to hold the moment. Be the moment. Experience your deep ache meeting Unending Compassion Unending Grace. We have now counted two weeks of Omer. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Yesod ShebeTiferet
Foundation, Establishment, Setting The Foundation, Fundamental; Foundation upon which the Divine One Created the Universe within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order; the intersection of Khesed and Gevurah. Quality: Mutuality and bonding through compassion What is your relationship to your giving? Yes, all the ways in which you gift, from the physical (kisses, handshakes, hugs, pats) to emotional (compliments, praise, lauds) to spiritual (showing up, being present) to the material. Which gifts are transactional? Given out of sympathy? Guilt? Obligation? Begrudging? Gratitude? Generosity? Which are compassionate? Mutual? Given out of a deeper wish for the individual or cause? There is nothing wrong with giving out of sympathy unless it is accompanied by judgment and a sense of superiority. Those gifts satisfy our ego and not much more because it is usually disdain masquerading as sympathy. To be clear: if you are giving to an individual while you are in such a state, they will know it. That type of smile always comes across as a sneer. When we give from a place of mutual respect connected to a deeper wish for the individual or the cause, we are tapping into the deepest part of our humanity and partnering with the Oneness. We say yes to the bonds we share as partner with the Source of All Life. In those moments, we are living foundational righteousness, adding to the strength of the miraculous web connecting each and every one of us. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Hod ShebeTiferet Exquisite Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order, the intersection of Khesed and Gevurah.
Quality: The Eternal’s Glory and Honor in the World, the Universe. Dear Divine and Totally Awesome One! How wondrous are You that I garner Your attention!! I never assume I am worthy, for I know I am not. That knowledge never keeps me from singing Your praises, dancing to Your psalms and songs, teaching Your love, or expressing my gratitude for Your deep trust in me, and how Your kindness and concern manifest in more ways than I can count. I keep being given books to read by loving and well-intentioned friends and teachers written by loving and well-intentioned people that describe great and fantastic journeys taken to far shores, high peaks, deep canyons, and other gorgeous spots fashioned by You on this wonderful planet. Each book discloses the author’s fantastic experience and humbling journey to discovering, uncovering, recognizing You. I confess, I do not understand why they had to travel so far to find You! After all, did You not say: הַמִּצְוָ֣ה הַזֹּ֔אוֹת אֲשֶׁ֛ר אָֽנֹכִ֥י קָר֥וֹב אֵלֶ֛יךָ הַדָּבָ֖ר מְאֹ֑ד בְּפִ֥יךָ וּבִלְבָֽבְךָ֖ לַֽעֲשׂתֽוֹ: This Instruction that I (offer) you is simple, and very close to you: in your mouth and in your heart for you to do! I confess, I do not understand those who chose to go far away to find You. I confess, and as You know, there was a time when I was so angry with You! I argued with You about everything and yelled at You, frequently. When I wasn’t doing either of those, I ignored You. Okay, I tried to ignore You. How can I ignore The One for Whom my soul longs to know and aches to hear?! You are my every breath. You are my beating heart. You are my peace One dark morning I awoke unwilling to ignore my internal pain; to continue to unknowingly take it out on myself or others. I curled under my covers and sobbed, writhed with anger. I vividly remember shooting up, screaming “Where are YOU?!!” and in the ringing quiet I heard: I am never far You can always find Me in your next breath
So, I closed my eyes and transformed my shallow panting into regular breaths, my regular breathing into slow deep breaths in, pausing at the moment of fullness, and slow exhale, pausing at the point of emptiness; slow inhale pause slow exhale pause slow inhale pause slow exhale pause slow inhale pause – and there You were: inside me, around me, moving through me. I wept with relief. I do not begin to know how to describe I knew it was You in the memory of Grandma Sadie holding me against her slight frame. You even got a giggle out of me as I wondered why I didn’t inherit her skinny genes! During that prayerful embrace, I feel asleep in peace and when I awoke in peace, I wrote: You are my life, and always have been. I seek to partner with The Eternal One To create heaven on earth The Makom, The Holy Place, The Sanctuary where I seek to Live. Love. And Learn. I embrace the Blue Marble As it is until We transform ourselves enough to Transform others who will transform others who will transform others…
Holy Awesome, Blessed Be The One! I commit to do my part with You! How blessed am I that You, Dear One, never gave up on me! How blessed am I that I know I never have to travel far to find You! How blessed am I that You always know where to find me. Thank You, Divine and Totally Awesome One Whose honor and glory fill the universe Justice, Compassion, and Peace!
Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Netzakh ShebeTiferet Eternity, Endurance, Forever, Splendor, and Perpetuity within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order, intersecting Khesed and Gevurah. Quality: Partnering with the Unendurable Suffering, our own or another’s, often seem senseless. Yet, to ask “why,” especially “why me,” seems to only prolong and deepen the suffering because in addition to the emotions common to loss(es), one adds the feeling of being victimized. King Solomon was given a beautiful stone. He knew immediately that he wanted to have it made into a ring. So, he visited the best jeweler, blacksmith and craftsman in his kingdom. The artisan was deeply moved by the king’s visit. He was also deeply perplexed by the king’s request. “With this stone, make me a ring,” commanded the king, “that when I look at it, I am reminded to count my blessings. Bring it to me as soon as it is complete and not a moment before.” The artisan agreed, though he had no idea what he would engrave on the band or the stone itself. Every day, before his prayers, the artisan would gaze upon the stone and be mindful of the king’s request. Weeks past. Then, one morning, during his prayers it came to him. When he returned home, he went straight to his workshop and did not leave until the creation was complete. The following morning, he took the ring to King Solomon. The king stood and allowed the artisan to place the ring on his finger. The king commented on the stone’s mounting; how it enhanced the stone’s beauty. Then the king turned the stone and smiled when he saw what the artisan’s engraved message: "גַּם זֶה יַעֲבֹר" “This, too, shall pass”. The king loved the ring and handsomely rewarded the jeweler, blacksmith and craftsman. From that moment forwarded, whenever King Solomon felt sad and hopeless, he would gaze upon the beauty of the ring before turning the band to read the message. Then, he would smile. Whenever he felt overjoyed, he would take in the moment. At some point, he would gaze upon the beauty of the ring before turning the band to read the message. He let his joy to be slightly dimmed. Either way, the message caused the king to partner with the unendurable as sadness, grief, pain as well as sweetness, joy, happiness, elation. After all, except for The Divine One, nothing lasts forever. Sadness and gladness are part of life's journey. So, the real questions are: Why not me? Am I not human? Yes, I say, and I choose to take the journey that expands my experience of what it means to be human. Blessings! Sabrina
© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Tiferet ShebeTiferet
Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order; intersecting Khesed and Gevurah within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order; intersecting Chesed and Gevurah. Quality: The Healthy Sense of Self that leads to Selflessness Elevated beauty, balance, integration, the unexpected, miracles, and order, by experience, is an awareness state grounded in Oneness. In this state, the experience of self is through the sense of connectedness with what is so: No judgment. No argument. No Anxiety. No rehearsing. No calculating. No interruptions. It is “yes” as an acknowledgement without commitment: Yes, I see you. Yes, I hear you. Yes, your voice is important. We say both to the many voices within us as well as to the many voices, or one voice, with us. I am sure more than one of you is asking: if it is possible, how is that possible? The short answer is there is no one path to having a healthy sense of self that allows one to experience selflessness as Connection and Oneness. I offer a few entry points to begin, renew, or refresh your journey. Each requires noticing without judgment the ways in we: Disapprove of, deny and/or punish ourselves. Calculate how to get our way and feel defeated if we are unsuccessful. Approach every argument or disagreement as if our life hangs in the balance. Even if these ways of being show up periodically, in the interest of self-healing and Shalom HaBayit (peace in the home), I invite you to explore ways of having such feelings drag you with them. When we denounce ourselves as an ongoing, uninterrupted practice we create an inner poverty that we may demand another (partner, children, parents, friends, work, projects) to fill. Alternately, we demand work, attempt to rescue strangers in crises; endlessly seek education, religion, children, causes, become outraged about everything, ignore our health… because we falsely believe one of those paths will lead us to the healing we seek. Yet, healing can only be achieved when we notice, tend, and repair. This type of selflessness is grounded in being in relationship to: our longing, our deep desire to be loved and accepted, not be alone, and to be healed; our deep ache that holds all the betrayals, disappointments, losses, and traumas.
Here is what I know: if we do not love and accept our full selves we cannot, and will not, trust another’s loving and acceptance. We will do everything we can to sabotage the relationship because we are driven to prove we are unlovable and unworthy. When we accept and love ourselves exactly as we are in this moment, we release the grip of the drive toward being perfect and stand in knowing “No matter what, I am okay.” We own “I don’t know.” In taking on the practice of confronting my internal critics, I discovered freedom from the tirade, self-love, and the space to become. I do not always get it “right” and I’m okay with that because I am joyously not perfect!! I own and fascinated by my mistakes. Sometimes there’s a lesson and sometimes there is not. I honor losses and in doing so, I realize that not obtaining my goal may be for the best. One door closing allows another, if not multiple doors and windows to open and sunshine to appear. Being with the mistakes and disappoints as a blessing instead of a curse returns me to Life. Most importantly, I honor my grief. Its length. Its depth. I hold my traumas as I hold a best friend. They have taught me a lot, and are a reminder of my resilience.
I would not be who I am without all the things that have occurred in my Life. Having fully embraced all that I am and all that I am, I rock and/or dance with what is so, surrounded and guided by elevated beauty, balance, integration, the unexpected, miracles, and order – all another name for Oneness. Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Gevurah ShebeTiferet
Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; Boundaries within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order. Tiferet intersects – balances – Khesed and Gevurah. Quality: Framing the expression of Compassion Compassion without discernment tends to see every situation as a crisis, every crisis as an emergency, every emergency as a disaster, and disasters as the end of the world as we know it. Help is always needed, now! Because tomorrow is too late!! More times than not, the help given is not useful to the recipients. Why? Because the focus is on the need of the giver(s) to be needed instead of on the true needs and well-being of recipient(s). Framing, setting boundaries around, compassion provides a clear view to assess a whole situation by listening to recipients. They know what they need and what resources they bring. Possibilities and solutions are then created through partnerships that extend beyond the immediate situation, crisis, emergency, or disaster. Framing compassion is equally necessary when the request comes from family, friends, or community members. A neighbor with limited resources asked to borrow $10. I only had a twenty. Since I was on my way out, she said she would wait until I got back from my errands with change. I agreed and did not ask why, which surprised her. I told her it was her business. So, she volunteered that it was harder to pay back $20 than $10. So, I lent her $10. It can be harder when a friend has a need that pulls on our emotions: a depression, the loss of a loved one, an important someone in the hospital... Sometimes, with well-intentions, we say “Let me know what you need.” On this end, I have come to understand that I rarely know what I need. Skillful friends taught me what to do as they came to me with concrete offers: a meal out or in that accommodates my restrictions, with or without their company; calls on their way to the store to include my shopping in theirs… One of my favorites was “when can I come by and give you a hug?” Once, when I broke my foot, a friend came by almost every evening on his way home, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and did whatever else was needed for me to have a clean kitchen! I LOVE a clean kitchen. The rest of my home can be a wreck, and the kitchen is always on the verge of being a wreck when I’m cooking or baking. However, once all that is done, the kitchen gets cleaned. He knew that about me, and so he offered me the one thing I wouldn’t think to ask someone else to do. When I tell someone what they need, I am putting myself up as the expert on their life – NOT! This last point is part of why most programs intended to “help” fail. I’ve learned that it’s only by sitting or standing beside someone and listening as they describe their world, I am seeing some of what they see, experiencing some of what they experience, and am humbled by their willingness to be so open with me. When I bring compassion, allowing the need of the recipient(s) from their perspective to be the focus, I am living the life-giving constraints of Gevurah within Tiferet. Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Week Three of Counting Omer we examine the nature of Tiferet (תפארת), the 6th Sephirah of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Tiferet is most often translated as beauty. More accurately, it is Elevated Beauty. It sits at the intersection of Khesed and Gevurah, which is why it also means Balance, Integration, the Unexpected and Miracles.
Khesed ShebeTiferet
Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, Miracles, and Order. Tiferet intersects – balances - Khesed and Gevurah.
Quality: There is plenty
There is a genuine distinction between a half full and a half empty glass and both viewpoints are valid. Each frame how we see the world.
If you see the glass as half empty, chances are you consider yourself a realist with your feet planted firmly on the ground. You know what is missing, lacking, or broken.
If you see the glass as half full, chances are you consider yourself optimistic and hopeful. You see the water and the space above the water. You hold what is present as well as what is missing.
Training our hearts and mind to see the brokenness and the wholeness of life causes us to be present to the fullness with which life always presents itself. It also creates paths to healing, if we are willing to be less wedded to the story of our pain and more attentive to feeling the ache, hurt, anger, disappointment, loss…
When I avoid feeling, I am living the glass half empty and there is bleakness. When I allow my feelings the space they need, I am living the glass half full and there is plenty of Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Elevated Beauty, Balance, Integration, the Unexpected, and Miracles to comfort, tend, and partner with the bleakness. This partnership creates the possibility for a broader view of what is so. After all, the glass cannot be half empty if it weren’t also half full.
Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malchut shebeGevurah Shekhinah (Divine Presence), Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union Of Opposites; Paradox and Limitation within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries.
Quality: The Space Between
Cosmologically and Spiritually, Shabbat is a space between worlds, between times, and between us and those with other practices. Our theology invites us to stop our busy and business lives, and to mark that stopping by ritually lighting candles. We stop everything else we are doing, light the wicks, and circle our hands to the flames and to us three times. My favorite kavanah (intention) is to bring the beauty, the blessing, and the promise into my Shabbat experience. We chant or speak the blessing with our eyes covered or closed or hidden behind the book from which we read the blessing. Then we open our eyes to the wonder, beauty, and warmth of twin dancing fires electrifying the air! We cover our beautiful challah so that she is not embarrassed by being blessed third. We raise our cup of wine and joyously chant the Kiddush (blessing recited over wine or juice to sanctify Shabbat or a Jewish holiday)! We give family and friends blessings. Wash our hands and speak another blessing, gather back at our tables to bless and share bread and a scrumptious meal! When Shabbat ends, we reluctantly bid her goodbye with blessings, songs, chants, candles, fragrances, and more wine or juice.
Each of us also has spaces between receiving information and deciphering what it means to us, which determines how we will react or respond. Some of us know our “buttons” or “triggers” or “stress points.” Some of don’t until we are triggered, experiencing our reaction to our pushed buttons and our melting down. There are signs along the way to the reaction. When we recognize those signs, with practice, we can learn to pause, be fully present, and respond. In order to discern the signs, we need to be in our bodies and notice when we are not in our bodies. We notice when we are waiting to speak our truth instead of listening to hear the message of another. We notice our clenched jaw, crossed arms, pursed lips, impatience… the endless ways that signal we are not present to ourselves or to another – regardless of their importance to us. The rituals that bookend Shabbat also exist within our own ways of being. They either aid us in slowing things down to notice or blind us from noticing. These next few days, I invite you to notice how you are relating to your surroundings, tasks, people. In other words be with this now familiar change and use the experience of impatience or irritation as an signal to pause, and pause. There is nothing to fix or change or delete. The only task is to notice and be with the experience of noticing; the experience of discovering the space between or deepening your access, relationship to that space. When you are ready, inquire of your disturbance or irritation: Is it real, created, or a sign of something else? Is it important, an excuse to vent irritation, or actually quite delightful and funny or cute when you change your perspective? When we pause, we give ourselves the opportunity to rescue ourselves from reactions and defenses that no longer serve us – if they ever did. We discover the Space Between is a fascinating way to look the world; a break in which we actually short-circuit stressful behavior because we no longer need to be right, taken care of, the center of someone's attention - even if it's negative, or have our way for the sake of having our way. We can experience the Space Between as break in which we actually might find rest, occasional amusement, and glorious beauty such as the smile of someone important to us!
We have now counted two weeks of Omer. Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Yesod shebeGevurah
Foundation, Establishment, Setting The Foundation, Fundamental; Foundation upon which The Divine One created the universe within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries. Quality: Belonging and longing I belong every where and no where *. I am connected to every one and no one. I joyously experience this paradox when I stand in “I belong to me and to The Divine One.” I speak to people every day who are struggling with anxiety and many are on medications for their anxiety. Not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority are women. From my own experience, I know the deep never-ending pool of anxiety is a very real existential threat rooted in the expectation that I am to be perfect at all times. When I make a mistake, the perfectionist is merciless in her assessment of me, which produces more anxiety. Not wanting to produce an anxiety attack in you, my dear reader, I’m stopping the description here. A few years ago, I took my anxiety on. In doing so, I had to face several truths, including that I and most other women are trained to be perfectionist. When we behave, we are greatly rewarded. When we make mistakes, we are severely punished. This continues when we get into school, even when it is not present in others, because we do the monitoring to ourselves. The anxiety is rooted in our deeply held desire (longing) to belong, to be accepted. Anxiety lies. It’s suspicious of the present. It doesn’t trust the future. It cherry-picks the past. It misjudges everyone. I gave up perfectionism, and my life is much – MUCH - better for it. The first thing I did was to detach from my anxiety and just listen to it. It said the most ridiculous things about people, situations, the past, the present, the future. Listening to it as a detached and interested observer, I saw the kid in me still trying to win parental approval and love, and the compassion for me flowed. I also did a lot of laughing. Both freed me to practice good enough – a great tool because good enough is often great! Detaching from anxiety caused me to cease allowing it to run my life. When it arises, I recognize it for it is, a sign that I’m feeling something I would rather not feel. So, I stop, place my hand over my heart, and welcome the guest: fear, disappointment, sadness, pain, loneliness, anger… It is not long before I am back in my body and present to the moment. We cannot erase our past. There is no opportunity to have a second childhood, young adulthood, better first marriage… We can love ourselves, especially our imperfections. We can accept that there was nothing we could have done to avoid the real monsters who crossed our life paths. We are not what we have done. We are not what was done to us. We can free ourselves from the protections we created to seal the part ourselves we do not like or that we hold responsible for getting us into traumatic situations. With compassion for self, we can see ourselves as healing and mending. Listen to your longing as your desire to be closer to your true self and The Divine One. Fill your longing with belonging to and acceptance of you. Listen to the feelings beneath the anxiety that wants your attention. Daily note your blessings. When your anxious mind tells you, “You don’t have time for this nonsense!” Place your heart over your heart and say "It's okay, honey. We got this.", Blessings! Sabrina © Sabrina Sojourner 2020
*Deliberate non-conforming punctuation.

Hod shebeGevurah
Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries. Quality: Grief and Resilience Today is also Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day. This day on the Jewish calendar we recognize the spiritual, psychological, and physical genocide directed toward our people under the Nazi occupation and its reign of terror throughout all of Europe and North Africa. It is important to comprehend what is hard to comprehend: portions of families and whole families were wiped out; their legacies lost to our present. With all that is known, there is still more to be known. For instance, Greek Jews were among the oldest indigenous populations in that country. Despite the sincere efforts of a strong resistance movement, 81 percent of the Jewish populace of Greece was murdered.
We cannot just mourn our own. To do that diminishes the deeper meaning of the Eternal’s admonition to the angels that cheered the deaths of Pharaoh’s army: “My creatures are perishing, and you sing praises?” In recognizing that Five Million additional souls were murdered also because of bigotry, hatred, and cruelty, we expand our connection to the human family, and they, too, are ours as ancestors – known and unknown.
There is no one way to grieve such horrendous devastation. We remember. We mourn. Many of us still wail. We learn to live with the ache, the pain, the loss, the constant companion of trauma. The constant companion of grief... and we can learn to love, trust, appreciate beauty, experience joy… Walking mindfully with the Divine we can heal some our brokenness and learn to live with that which cannot be healed.
The attempt to eliminate the Jewish, Roma, Disabled, Gay and Lesbian people, and more was an attack on our collective humanity. It is a horror that cannot be simplified or reduced, though many still try to deny its occurrence. The Holocaust did happen. The meticulous documentation of the Nazi’s proves what can happen when a small group of people decide they have THE answer, encouraging divisiveness and scapegoating within and across families, communities, states, schools, religions, economies, parties, crises...
Yet, we are still here! We continue to flourish and, unfortunately, we continue to fight to make sure that no one forgets. We call out leaders, especially those we appreciate, for their failure to name “genocide” because they know what the proper labeling requires of them; of us. We name it, anyway, because we accept the obligation, though we lack the authority to move “mountains” to change the dynamics. We grieve the losses. We support the living. We raise the memories. In doing so, we lively live with our grief and enhance our resilience.
Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Netzach shebeGevurah
Eternity, Endurance, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries. Quality 1: The advice we seek to give to another is the counsel we need for ourselves. Quality 2: The thing we most fear in our heart of hearts to say is often the thing that most needs to be said.
There is no meanness in Eternity, Endurance, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries. Action or inaction is always for the sake of... Application requires consciousness, awareness of what is required in service to "this" moment, independent of the past, yet, for the sake of the future.
Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Tiferet shebeGevurah
Beauty, Harmony, Balance, Integration; Mediator, Intersection and Facilitator of Khesed and Gevurah within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries. Quality: Holding paradox Being a good person, and I do believe most people are good people, is not a vaccine against implicit or unintentional bias. Racism still exists in our country and around the world because that is the legacy of centuries of White Supremacy. Hate is not part of a bygone era. It is an ever-morphing nightmare that many of us know is far from taking its last breath. Yet, everyday we draw closer to the transformation. Bias and prejudice have morphed. Though I grew up in California, my educational experience was not absent from bigotry. Over the years, there came a time when I less likely to meet an upfront begot. Still, managing the bigotry of people who believe they are not bigoted or, worse, believe they cannot possibly even accidentally be bigoted is downright exhausting. The hurt feelings, the demand that I or another "take it back," the intense anger, indignation... Then there are the people who had multiple ways of saying no, questioning my actions, second guessing my accomplishments, demanding proof for something one can easily look up... people wanting me to be in relationship with them, yet demanding that I change to be comfortable with their repeated thoughtless bigoted actions, resulting in their perpetual defensive social posture... So, I repeat: Being a good person, and I do believe most people are good people, is not a vaccine against implicit or unintentional bias. I am focusing on racism because it is the issue we seem to have the most difficulty discussing regardless of background, skin color, cultural awareness, work history… Each of us needs to open ourselves to the ways in which we are complicit in maintaining a system that dismisses so many with consequences that extend beyond race to gender, physical abilities, age, gender identity, and so much more. In all its amazing demarcations, White Supremacist culture demands that we be separated and sorted and be suspicious of each other. It subtly instills in us assertions and certitudes that bend and/or filter how we see, hear, touch, smell, and taste reality. When we hold paradox, the complexity that there is much we know and many times more that we do not know, we can say: "I am a good person and sometimes I make mistakes that unintentionally hurt another. When I find myself in that position, or someone challenges me to consider the consequences of my words or action, may I face the opportunity with an open heart, open mind, and open soul so that I may continue to grow into being the person I want to become and that the Eternal needs me to be."
When we allow our compassion and our discipline to dance together, we always have room to be with Life as it shows up. Additionally, when discipline and compassion are intertwined, we can apply discernment, creating harmony – space – for all that is occurring without moving into brutality. Said differently, we recognize our humanity in one another. That’s the true paradox: my humanity is connected to your humanity and your humanity is connected to mine. My liberation is connected to your liberation and your liberation is connected to mine. As James Baldwin said: "Our history is each other. That is our only guide. No one can repudiate or despise another’s history without repudiating and despising their own. This is the dance of our compassion and our discipline, the complex dance beauty, Tiferet, inside strength and boundaries, shebeGevurah. Though encountering injustice personally and globally remains stressful, there are moments of breakthroughs that make the work rewarding for all involved. The opportunity to be the mediator, facilitator, or midwife such situations almost make the stress worth encountering. Certainly, it does bring grace and healing that moves beyond that situation into the world. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Gevurah shebeGevurah
Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries.
Quality: What you believe shapes what you see In Genesis, Hagar is sent away with her son Yish’mael (21.9-21). In her despair, she and Yish’mael get lost in the desert and soon run out of water. Hagar sets Yish’mael under a tree and walks as far away as she can and still keep him in her sight. She cannot bear the thought of watching him die of thirst and she knows she cannot see what happens to him. The Source of All Life reaches out to her, assures her that Yish’mael has an important future and causes her to see water she previously was unable to see.
This type of seeing also happens in the next chapter to Avraham. He binds Yitz’khak and has his knife raised when an angel of the Source of Life points to a ram that is to be sacrificed instead of Avraham and Sarah’s son.
In each case, we have a person who has been placed in a situation they did not want. Hagar has been told she must leave her home and believes it is up to her to find her way in a world she does not know. Avraham believes he has been told he must sacrifice Yitz’khak in order to please the Most High. Neither questions their unhappiness, their circumstances, or their beliefs. When their beliefs are transformed, their eyes are opened to what was already present and a different way of seeing their present and their future. There are many puzzles that facilitators use to show participants their default way of viewing the world. One of my favorites involves nine dots placed on a sheet of paper 3 rows by 3 rows to form a square. The instruction is to connect all nine dots using four strokes of your writing instrument without lifting your instrument from the page. If you do not know this puzzle, I encourage you to try it. What, if any, limitations do you see? How can you move beyond those limitations?
We often focus on “what” when possibilities lay within “how.” We argue with “what is so,” creating stress for ourselves and others, when “acceptance” creates peace and opens paths to possibilities. When we release ourselves from what we think we ought to be, we create the path to discovering who we are. We purposely choose the lens through which we view the world, owning our strengths, narrowing our judgments, and setting limitations; allowing each to transform and open our eyes as our awareness of self transforms and opens our soul.
This possibility of transformation is dependent on only one thing: our willingness to question what we believe or think we know.
Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Week Two of Counting Omer: We examine the nature of Gevurah (גבורה) the 5th Sephirah of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. In modern Hebrew, G’vurah is defined as Heroism, Valor, Courage, and Gallantry. The older, and still relevant, meanings are Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; and Boundaries. In Kabbalah Gevurah is considered the “essence of din (judgment)”. Khesed shebeGevurah
Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Limitations; Spiritual, Physical, Emotional Strength; Boundaries Quality: The discipline tending to self, first. If you have flown in an airplane, you know the instructions a flight attendant gives in case there is a loss of cabin pressure: "A mask will fall from a place above your head. Place your own mask on first, before helping another with theirs." The above instruction includes our young children, elders who may be panicked, a person we may not know who is struggling with the situation. In other words this instruction is also important when looking at our own lives and how we interact and respond to the needs of others, especially the needs of our families however we define that. For the moment, I’m excluding children 18 years old and younger as well as aging/ailing parents. It is amazingly easy to get involved in the lives of others. We seek others to need us because we have a need, an ache, a need, hole, a pain, a longing we seek to ignore. So, we quasi satisfy the unspecified disturbance by taking care of the needs of others. In our unexamined desire to be needed, belong, be accepted… we seek to make ourselves indispensable to others through establishing the habit of stepping in and tending to one or more others. The person or people we rescue from having to do for themselves assume we do it because we love to do it and begin to take our assistance for granted. When we realize our presence is taken for granted, we cease feeling needed and begin to feel used, causing us to feel resentment. The resentment scratches the original ache, need, hole, pain, or longing we sought to ignore. Yet, we blame the person or persons who are taking us for granted for the pain we feel. In truth, we have fallen prey to the trap we set for ourselves; that we will set, again and again, until we recognize that our need to be needed or to take care of another’s life is because we do not want to face our own needs or tend to our own life.
These “needs” run us from situation to situation to situation – much like an addict – in an attempt to find the fix we need not to feel whatever it is we do not want to feel. For me, it was that I was not enough and I had to be perfect. These perceptions produced an anxiety that – until I named and entertained it, ran my life. Now, I recognize the anxious voice that doesn’t trust the present, is suspicious of the future, and cherry picks the past. In divorcing myself from my attachment to the addiction of being needed, I gained the freedom to feel pain and sadness; joy and appreciation; to experience time and discern peace. I can hear the message “I need” directly and indirectly expressed and employ the discipline of setting limits. Setting limits is as much for me as it is for another person. I am not capable of saving a person who wants to be rescued. I am not a savior. In Judaism, we pray as if everything depends on The Divine One and act as if everything depends on us. However, there is a second part to the latter, we cannot rescue another until we have made sure our oxygen mask is securely in place. Once that is done, we can wisely and compassionately choose how we approach assisting another in need. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Malkhut shebeKhesed
Shekhinah, Majesty, Sovereignty, Exaltedness, Humility; Union of Opposites; Holding Paradox within Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty; qualities central to Jewish ethics. Quality: The Exquisite Grace of Paradox. We humans are meaning making machines, and many of us prefer a binary world in which people and things are easily categorized. I apologize in advance for giving you the news that life is complex and periodically to often does not make sense. For me, the only thing that makes sense about life is that it doesn’t make sense. It is amazingly easy to live with the view that life is unpredictable and out of my control. Embracing this viewpoint – to my surprise, offers me an amazing amount of freedom. I see possibilities I had not previously seen or believed truly existed. I know, and am humbled, when I am in a moment where Majesty intersects, surrounds, and presents Itself as lovingkindness, grace, compassion as well as momentarily difficult or confounding and deeply disappointing. There are people who have been taught that if they are good people and follow the rules and Divine laws, nothing bad will happen to them. So, when something bad does happen, they put themselves on trial in attempt to identify the bad behavior that caused the bad event(s) to visit them. Survivors of violence are seduced by their abusers – and society that if they were just a little bit more compliant – good girl or boy – all the abuse would disappear. Tyranny, including White Supremacy, depends on us blaming on ourselves when something goes wrong. It's another way fo keeping us compliant. When women or men of color are victimized, the dominant society asks, "What did you do?" "How were you dressed?" "What were you doing there, anyway?") Life does not seek to blame us. Life is life with great days and not so great days, and everything in between. Very few, if any, of us live life without experiencing some to many up and downs. How do we regard ourselves and our circumstances? That is what makes the difference in how we move through the disruption of the death of a loved one, being fired or laid-off, served with divorce papers, arrested for something we did not due, kicked out of store for following the rules, running away from violence in our homes... Can we learn to be with our disappointments and sorrows - traumas - with the same compassion with which we would sit with a dear friend in pain? When we say yes, we experience the extreme boundaries of harmony. We learn to live with the new absence, new brokenness, new disappointment and experience beauty, lovingkindness. The brilliance of the world remains visible and massages our pain, our ache. When we say yes to the sorrows that visit us for no other reason than that we are human, we experience the Exquisite Grace of Paradox; the presence of the Shekinah, the Majestic Love that is always present and always available. To experience it, we only need to be with what is so. We have now counted seven days, one week for Omer. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Yesod ShebeKhesed
Foundation, Establishment, Setting the Foundation, Fundamental; the Foundational Torah with which The Divine One created the universe within Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty; qualities central to Jewish ethics. Quality: Love your neighbor as you love yourself - this is a Divine expectation because the Divine One expects you to love yourself. This self-love is foundational to creation, family, community, humanity, peace. Life is a tapestry. Each of us is connected to one and to another of us. Each of us has our humanity wrapped within all of us. Another as foreigner or another as non-human is a fiction created and cultivated over recent centuries. According to the human genome project, we are 99.9% the same. With origins in East Africa, we have a mitochondrial Khava/Eve, the most recent common matrilineal ancestor of all human beings. The only true foreigner is what we find strange and foreign within us. We judge events in our lives as making us unworthy. We identify with our "bad" experiences or actions or emotions and inaccurately conclude that we are “bad.” We project uncomfortable feelings or behaviors on others because we judge ourselves to be damaged, unlovable, or worse. When we meet others that embody our internalized alienation, we judge them the way we judge ourselves. We act against them with a zealousness that is irrational because we seek to annihilate in them what we cannot stand in ourselves. To love our neighbors as we love ourselves means to embrace what The Divine One knows: We are lovable. We are loving. We are to love. And, we are to be love. We are each made in the Divine image and the Holiness of the Eternal is also within us. Yes, even within each of us who has been traumatized there is the Holy Spark. The Spiritual Essence pull us into connection every time we remember we are already connected to Life – and often when we don’t! This is especially important for us to remember when we are isolated by circumstances of our own creation and those beyond our control. At these times, it is easy to have our traumas scratched the way our funny bone can be hit and reverberate. We need to remember that the reverberation is an echo of the past feelings of being isolated or invisible or overwhelmed. What is similar is moving into the unknown, and though the circumstances are different, we know how to handle that. We begin by ceasing to be at war with our circumstances and ourselves, accepting our experiences for exactly what they are – how life is showing up for us, now! Then we can release ourselves from the illusion of control and open the river of compassion for us. We love us. We comfort us. Lovingkindness for us floods our being, our homes, our communities, our worlds. When we fill our own cup, we have enough for ourselves and plenty for others. We also are ready to name the energy suckers in our lives and begin to place respectful boundaries. Yes, it will be scary and uncomfortable – AND as loving ourselves becomes our practice at least two things happen: we cease being desperate for unhealthy love and we actually hear and take in the various ways others show their love and appreciation. I invite you to fill the cup of connection and taste the sweetness of lovingkindness and connection; savor the freedom, the openness of self-love and self-acceptance. Drink deeply from the Divine Cup of Holy Radical Compassionate Self-Love and never thirst, again! Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Hod ShebeKhesed
Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty; qualities central to Jewish ethics. Quality: Shabbat HaMalkah - Shabbat, The Queen
The Shabbat Queen, faithfully bringing us our Shabbat Souls, is Beauty, Splendor, Glory, Vigor, Magnificence, and Pomp within Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty. Every Shabbat this ancient feminine representative of the Divine Presence descends into our world, our communities, our synagogues, our spiritual gatherings, and our homes with the gifts of connection, redemption, splendor, compassion, and so much more! Her arrival is not dependent on our readiness nor our worthiness. Shabbat HaMalkah welcomes us into the peace of Shabbat regardless of the state or condition in which She and Her angels find us and our homes. They settle into our spaces, our worlds with abundance. When we reluctantly bid Her and the angels farewell at the end of Shabbat, She weights our hand when we pour the wine or juice into the goblet Havdalah – the ritual of separation, ensuring we will spill the sweetness of Shabbat into our coming week!
Shabbat is not fussy, though we often treat Her as though She were. We criticize ourselves for not dressing up; for bringing home take-out, instead of cooking something special. Shabbat doesn’t care about any of that. She is always gracious and welcoming. She is a place and space and time of rest and restorative healing.
Where are the places in your life in which you can bring Shabbat HaMalkah energy to heal you, heal others, and heal the world? How can you train your heart to be of "large mind" ( John Sulliva n, Living Large ) such that magnificence within compassion and glory within grace emerges, welcoming all in whatever state or condition you find yourself and others?
Begin the graciousness with yourself. Be gracious and extend lovingkindness to yourself. Every week, welcome yourself fully home with Shabbat!
Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Netzakh ShebeKhesed
Eternity, Endurance, Forever, Splendor, Perpetuity within Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, Loyalty; a quality central to Jewish ethics. Quality: Hineni: I am here This date often falls close to the anniversary of the assassination of Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In addition to being one of the great orators of our time, similar to Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, Dr. King was a prophetic voice whose assessments, visions, and willingness to voice to injustice continue to speak to our time. The night before his assassination, Dr. King gave a speech now titled “I’ve Been to the Mountain Top.” The Biblical reference is to Moshe whom the Eternal placed on a mountain, allowing Moshe to see the Promised Land he would not enter. King presents his imagined conversation with the Eternal about visiting places that span our human history with this climax:
“…I got into Memphis and some began to… talk about the threats... What would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers? Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now; because I've been to the mountaintop, and I don't mind.
“Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And (God's) allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!” Much of the analysis of this speech often centers on whether King had a vision that something would happen to him. What gets missed is King’s complete surrender to Life as it is showing up. He’s saying: Threats – bring them on! Difficult days – I’m ready! I want longevity and I’m not concerned!! Most amazingly, King is saying that “sick white” men are still his “brothers.” To place it in a Jewish framework, Dr. King is saying “hineini” I’m here Life! He recognizes that there has been a cost, and will always be a cost, for speaking out and organizing people for just causes, and that it is not about cost or reward. It is about saying hineini: I’m here, Life! I’m here. I know I do not control my fate. I can only do what I can do in this moment. We push and push, trying to control Life, until we awaken to the lie of control – it does not exist. We act or do not act, and the situation or the moment unfolds. We respond to the results with accord, discord or a combination of both. Sometimes, we blanket ourselves with the anxiety of what ifs; allowing our minds to rehearse conversations or situations that may never happen! Anxiety lies. It doesn’t trust the present. It cannot predict the future, and it cherry picks the past. Our willingness to stand with Life as it presents itself in tough moments, allows us to endure and maintain compassion for ourselves and those with us, regardless of their stance. We know it will not last forever and the reward may not be ours in our lifetime. When we are not in a defensive posture or denying reality, we can be with the unfolding to see the means to creating connection; repair. Or, appropriately say goodbye so that we can move fully into a new moment. Stand in the now and tend to what is present: beauty, pain, love, ache, joy, meanness, isolation, new connections, excitement, sorrow… welcome what is so, and the welcoming creates the choices and the chores. In this space, we partner with eternity, immortality, perpetuity, splendor, glory and all that is Greater than each of us. In this space we humbly contribute without need for credit or notice. Be partnership and in partnership, and the rewards will be greater than you could imagine. In this way, we are following Micah’s instruction: “…do justice, love compassionately, and behave modestly with your Eternal One.” (6.8; my translation) Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Tiferet ShebeKhesed
Beauty, Adornment, Integration, and mediation within Lovingkindness, grace, compassion, benevolence, loyalty; a quality central to Jewish ethics. Tiferet is also the intersection of Khesed and Gevurah Quality: Open inverted equilateral triangle. Awareness of and connected to all; receiver and channeler. When I know the world is my cushion, I bring meditative mindfulness to this moment without worrying about the next moment, which only becomes my concern when it arrives. I feel my At Oneness with all as the inverted triangle above showers beauty, grace, harmony… into my waiting triangle below. Though I am the receiver, I am also the channel, the dispenser – not of wisdom, but of connection through listening to the emotions beneath the content, the questions behind the questions. I am not passive or unmoved in this place. I am Rumi's Guest House. I giggle with joy when a baby gives me an unsolicited smile. I feel nostalgia, listening to another’s story about a time long ago or yesterday. I feel anger, joy, disappoint… all moving through me without me identifying with any of them. Each guest knows it is welcome, and this is the acknowledgement, the grace that allows each to move. Listening. Pausing. Listening. Pausing. Listening; hearing the invitation to go deeper into what could be a rabbit hole of overwhelming feelings. Yet, I am not overwhelmed as the feelings I experience are welcomed guests, teachers, guides. I am the listener, the namer, the holder of the container for receiving – not the fixer. I feel joy and sorrow dancing with one another, exchanging turns to lead and to be led... Everything is exquisite. Everything is no thing. Everything is all thing. Oneness is every thing and every where. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Gevurah shebeKhesed
Limitations, judgement; spiritual, physical, emotional strength; corresponding with awe within Lovingkindness, grace, compassion, benevolence, loyalty; a quality central to Jewish ethics. Quality: Parent and Parent; tempering judgement and limitations with lovingkindness and compassion by creating loving boundaries. Limitations and judgement are rules and boundaries. Offered without compassion they become a regime that traps the setter and the doer. Love and lovingkindness are boundless! Our kindness is empty if offered without our heart; love is meaningless if offered in ignorance. Limitations, judgement, love, and lovingkindness – each without the other birth chaos and rebellion. A few years ago, I experienced a stunning revelation: I have lived most of my life depressed, recovering from depression, or being afraid I would become depressed. I believe I allowed myself to recognize this truth because I had come through a nearly three-year period of sweet highs and devastating lows without checking into the hotel of depression. I previously listed all that I went through. The short of it is that among the most stressful things that happened was that my computer hard drive fatally crashed. I remain grateful to Kevin at Staples in Rockville who was honest, straightforward, and refunded my money. I applied to and was accepted into the Chaplain Residency Program at Frederick Memorial Hospital. I worked the program with every fiber of my being. I now meet Life – Divinity – on Life’s terms. Said differently, no argument with life lasts longer than a frustrated nano second, and when it does, I entertain it! This affirms that Gevurah shebeKhesed, Limitations, Judgement, Love, and lovingkindness, starts with self: How accepting are we of our wholeness within our brokenness? Will we reduce our suffering by being kinder and more compassionate toward ourselves instead of being the strict, unforgiving internalized authority figure? Additionally, we need to recognize that most of our parents were, for most of us, not the tyrants our young selves thought them to be. When we live in the affirmative, we are lovingkindness within a self that expands our compassion, love, embracing, and acceptance toward others. Because we learn to be with our own suffering, we can be with another’s. Because we can be with our own joy, we can be with another’s. Until the World to Come, both are part of the symphony of life. Approaching Life on Life's constantly changing terms is accepting creation as a constantly changing state. When I embrace this new way of being, I am in harmony and when I argue with it, I suffer. Lovingkindness is loving and being kind with the difficult even more so than the easy. Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020

Hello Dear Ones! Yes, I am publicly counting Omer. I've been writing and noting and now, publishing: Week One of Counting Omer: We examine the nature of Khesed (חסד). Khesed is the 4th Sephirah of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. As with many Hebrew words, there is no exact translation into English. For this work, my preferred translation is Lovingkindness. It also means Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, Loyalty. I assert that Khesed is a quality central to Jewish ethics, Jewish thought, and Jewish theology. Khesed ShebeKhesed
Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty within Lovingkindness, Grace, Compassion, Benevolence, and Loyalty. Quality: Shekhinah – Ein Sof: Unending Divine Presence within our lives, our worlds, and the Universe. The miracle of Creation. Before the beginning , there was only Oneness. Oneness was all that was known and all that was experienced. Oneness was the universe; there was no thing other than the Oneness. Ein Sof, one of many names we use in Judaism for Divine Oneness, was All and Every Thing and No Thing. Still, The Oneness, The Ein Sof, sought something other; different and still connected. The first attempts to create distinction or differentiation within The Oneness were disastrous. No Thing and Every Thing could not be made to be Some Thing other than Oneness. Yet, Ein Sof sought to bring a connected separation into being. It contemplated Its dilemma and searched the debris of the failures and the concept and vision occurred for The Oneness to contract Itself! The Contraction (Tzimzum) occurred as quickly as the thought formed and there was space separate from the Oneness – a void of darkness. The Oneness marveled at the Separation and the Connection. Then the Oneness spoke “Light” and light came into being (Gen. 1:3). The light was the Oneness that had filled the voided space. With the thought of “Let there be light” ten holy vessels appeared, waiting to be filled with Primordial Energy. Alas, the Primordial Energy vessels were not connected, and several received more than they could handle, causing them to explode and their explosion caused the remaining vessels to explode. The explosions sent light and darkness to fill and expand the void, causing galaxies and planets, asteroids and comets, suns and moons, lands and seas, particles and waves and so much more come into existence, including Holy Sparks! Holy Sparks fell everywhere – all over what we call Earth and across the expanse of the universe! Then Oneness thought to create human beings in Its image, “after our likeness... So (The Oneness) created human beings in (the Divine) image, creating them male and female.” (Gen. 1:26-27). The Oneness renews creation constantly, offering us the opportunity to expand our understanding of what has always existed: diversity within every binary (either/or, one or the other) way we have of assessing and dividing the world around us. Science has finally proven what many of us have always known: there is only the Human Race; no distinctions between our amazing differences as we are 99.9% alike. Long-standing cultures around the world that also make it clear that variations in gender expression are as old as our humanity and that women are far from the weaker gender.
What are the binary ways of thinking, keeping you anchored in ways of being, thinking, and assessing yourself or another that no longer serve you? Time to open that steamer trunk your carrying so that you may lighten your load on your new journey out of the narrows (mitzrayim). Blessings! Sabrina

© Sabrina Sojourner 2020